


Stages

by domini_moonbeam



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Open Relationships, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory, Romance, Sex, Sexual Assault, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 16:47:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 59,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20745458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domini_moonbeam/pseuds/domini_moonbeam
Summary: Jian Yi didn’t seem to be paying attention, still leaned back in his chair and looking at his phone. Finally he sat forward and turned the phone around to flash them the screen. “I want this guy.”He Tian cocked his head to the side and squinted at the photo of a bassist in a bright red mask, black tank top and joggers on stage. He Tian laughed but their manager swore. “Red?” He Tian said the only known name of the bassist formerly working for She Li.-He Tian and Jian Yi are in a band called 19 Days and looking for new members.This will be romantic and smutty and angsty and probably a little bit actiony at time too. This is a poly story so expect a big sexy romantic love tangle by the end!





	1. Stages

**Author's Note:**

> I could not fight the inspiration for this story any longer. The artwork of the characters looking like rock stars was just too much to resist.
> 
> -
> 
> Note the tags! This chapter has violence and a sexual assault in it. I won't warn for it again but I'll let you know if anything not previously tagged for comes up in future chapters.

Jian Yi groaned and shoved the papers on the table away from himself. “Boo!” he shouted.

He Tian shot the guitarist an amused glare. “You’re not being reasonable.”

“_I’m_ not being reasonable?” Jian Yi practically shouted, leaning his chair back onto two legs and hooking his sneakers onto the corner of the table. “You’re the one hellbent on that drummer from Broken Halo. He’s still in a fucking band!”

He Tian reached out and snagged the edge of a photo of the drummer in question, dragging it toward them on the desk. “He’s the best.”

“He’s taken,” Jian Yi rolled his head to the side, pale hair in a messy knot and tank top hanging on his lean frame. He eyed the photo of Zhang Zhen Xi. “He is hot thought.” He cut his wheat light eyes up to He Tian. “Is that why you’re fixed on him? Just because I fuck you, doesn’t mean every band mate will…”

He Tian flashed him a wolfish grin. “It’s not about that. He’s the best.”

Jian Yi rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

Their manager, Yu, paced the other side of the room, glaring at the pile of rejects. “You have to pick someone, boys, or there won’t be a band. Unless you want to make amends with your old—”

“No,” He Tian said first, hard and clear, while Jian Yi dragged a hissing breath and snarled.

The original bassist and drummer they’d worked with had been talented but it hadn’t worked out. The bassist had taken increasing offense to Jian Yi flirting with He Tian and as soon as he realized they were actually fooling around, he lost his shit.

_Jian Yi wasn’t answering his phone, which wasn’t odd in itself but He Tian had texted him to ask what he wanted to eat—something Jian Yi was always quick to answer when asked. The blond guitarist never passed up a free meal. He Tian suspected that would never change, no matter how much money they made. Not that either of them had come from dire straights. They’d med in one of the most prestigious prep schools in the country, for fuck’s sake. Though Jian Yi had been flunking out from the start. Nothing could keep his attention but music and men._

_He Tian came down the hotel hallway with a bag in hand. He fished the key card from his pocket, swiping it across the lock pad. “Hey! You better not be asleep. I got you a burger and fries. If you don’t like it, you should have answered your phone!” He Tian called, flicking on the lights. He always shared a room with Jian Yi. They’d been the ones that started the band and knew each other the longest._

_He froze a step into the room. The table was overturned, a chair broken and blood on the rug. He Tian dropped the food, taking big steps into he room and exhaling a mix of relief and horror at the sight of Jian Yi there on the other side of the bed, laid out on the floor. He blinked and cringed against the lights, one hand slowly rising to try to shield his face. “Fuuuuck,” Jian Yi slurred, trying to sit up._

_He Tian knelt beside him, catching his arm and pulling it gently down, away from his face. “Stay down,” he said. “Just take it easy, Yi.”_

_Jian Yi tried to swat him away, groaning and rolling onto his side. He spit blood on the carpet, a gash in his temple bleeding down his face and his lower lip busted. His knuckles were red, so he’d gotten a few punches in. _

_“What the fuck happened?” He Tian asked, running his hands over his friend, checking for broken bones._

_Jian Yi laughed darkly. “Bryce…” he spit again. “Someone put up pictures of us at that party last night.”_

_He Tian blinked, confused. Bryce was their bassist. “What pictures?”_

_Jian Yi sat up, flinching and clutching at his side. He Tian lifted his shirt, frowning at the splattering of bruises already blooming there. “The afterparty. In the lounge. Pretty good shot of us making out.”_

_“What the fuck does that have to do with this?” He Tian snapped, losing his patience. His best-friend was beat to shit in their room. He looked like he’d been jumped right out of bed, in a tank top and a pair of bright yellow briefs. “Who hit you?”_

_“Bryce,” Jian Yi snapped angrily. ”I told you. The fucker got pissed about the photos. I guess he was surprised.” The blond groaned, looking at his hands and flexing his fingers one hand at a time. When he confirmed they were all intact, he shrugged. “Forget it.”_

_His dismissive conclusion was no surprise. He’d been like this all through school. He’d shoot his mouth off and get in fights, but he was never good at holding grudges. Luckily, He Tian was great at it._

_“I’ll be right back and then we’re taking you to a hospital.”_

_“I don’t need a hos—” Jian Yi broke off when He Tian turned and started for the door. “Where are you going? He Tian? Forget it!” he shouted but He Tian was already out the door, kicking it shut behind him._

_He was just in time to see Bryce and their drummer Kai stepping into the elevator down the hall with their bags. He caught Bryce’s gaze just before the doors slid shut and He Tian broke into a run. He turned right and burst into the stairwell, practically flying down it. He came out on the main floor of the hotel just as Bryce and Kai were leaving the elevator. He tackled Bryce, sending their bags sprawling and riding him to the ground, his fist bouncing the other man’s head on the floor and sending screams lurching from the throats of guests._

The cellphone footage of the fight in the lobby had gone viral. Everyone saw the night 19 Days broke up.

The fans speculated about a love triangle, after just seeing the steamy make-out photos of He Tian and Jian Yi—imagining Bryce and He Tian fighting over the guitarist. And then Bryce had been quick to deny it all with a certain vehemence that made it clear what had really happened.

He Tian took a long drag on his cigarette and then blew out a stream of smoke. “I want Zheng Zhan Xi,” he repeated stubbornly.

Manager Yu groaned but nodded. “Fine. I’ll try to set up a meeting, but you need to look at alternatives. He might not be interested in leaving his band—especially with all the drama around 19 Days.”

Jian Yi didn’t seem to be paying attention, still leaned back in his chair and looking at his phone. Finally he sat forward and turned the phone around to flash them the screen. “I want this guy.”

He Tian cocked his head to the side and squinted at the photo of a bassist in a bright red mask, black tank top and joggers on stage. He Tian laughed but their manager swore. “Red?” He Tian said the only known name of the bassist formerly working for She Li.

“Isn’t the point to have _less_ drama?” snapped their manager. “This guy just got fired for being too high to play. Everyone saw how he bombed. He practically fell off the damned stage.”

Everyone had seen that video. But the rumors had been circling for weeks before that Red was looking to leave She Li’s band. And everyone in the business knew what a psycho She Li was. He’d broken one of his drummer’s hands when the guy messed up on stage and it was rumored that he made all of his band mates wear masks to hide bruises. None of them had ever left until he was ready to cut them loose and none of them had ever worked again, either by choice or by She Li’s efforts.

“It’ll be too much trouble, Yi,” He Tian said mildly.

“Plus you don’t even know what he looks like!” Manager Yu continued. “I heard he’s ugly and that’s why he had to work for She Li in those stupid masks…”

He Tian managed not to roll his eyes. “That doesn’t matter.” But he could be a complete lunatic for all they knew and wasn’t the point to get bandmates that worked well with them? “Ji, have you met him?”

Jian Yi went back to playing on his phone. “No. But I like his sound and his look.”

“He doesn’t even have a face…” Their manager pointed out again, this time in a grumble.

“At least my pick is available,” Jian Yi pointed out.

“He might be a druggy,” He Tian pointed out.

“He’s played more than fifty gigs with She Li and never so much as missed a note—let alone collapsed.”

He Tian smiled. Jian Yi acted like he picked Red on a whim, but obviously he’d thought about it. He had a plan. “Okay. I’ll try Red if you’ll come with me to meet with Zhang Zhen Xi—and don’t be a dick and try to chase him off.”

Jian Yi glanced up, considering for a second before nodding. “Agreed.” He jumped out of his chair, stretching like a cat. “Go get me Red,” he said to their manager.

The older man narrowed his eyes like he might argue with being spoken to like that, but chose not to. Waving off the eccentricities of his cash cows with a shrug. “On it, boss.”

* * *

Two days later He Tian and Jian Yi were in restaurant waiting to meet the drummer of Broken Halo. He Tian had practically dragged Jian Yi there to get him in his seat early for once. He didn’t mind being late most of the time but if they had any chance of talking Zheng Zhan Xi into ditching his band for theirs, they’d have to start on the right foot.

They ordered coffee and Jian Yi picked out four pastries from the menu, presumably all for himself.

“If he doesn’t show, can I pick our drummer too?” Jian Yi asked.

He Tian smiled. “No. You already picked the possible druggy bassist…”

“You know you loved that pick.”

“I’m trying to put a band together that won’t fall apart, Ji.”

Jian Yi turned sideways to look at him. “Is that why you picked Xixi?”

“Xixi?” he gaped at the nickname for a man they’d never even met.

“He’s professional and never had a scandal. He’s not even known to go to after parties…” Jian Yi thought aloud. “You know, the social media explosion wasn’t really a bad thing, right? Our fans have been crazy supportive.”

“I know. That’s not it.”

Jian Yi raised an eyebrow. “Then why this guy? Why do you care so much about the scandal?”

“It isn’t about the scandal,” He Tian said lowly. “It’s about someone we were supposed to trust beating the shit out of you while you were still in bed. Imagine if he hadn’t stopped. Or if he’d done worse.”

Jian Yi smiled so wide it actually hurt his face. He clapped He Tian on the shoulder. “Look at you, caring. Stop worrying. I’ve been taking beatings my whole life.”

He Tian growled at that and sipped his coffee. “It’s not okay, Yi. And I’m not going to risk people like that around us. You deserve better. We deserve better. At the very least, being able to sleep in peace.”

Jian Yi sighed, not sure how to soothe him. He had always dealt with bullies for him. Jian Yi didn’t mind getting into a fight, but he didn’t often win. He Tian said he didn’t have the heart for it, because he never really wanted to hurt anyone. Before he could say anything though, that drummed was walking up to their table. Zheng Zhan Xi looked just as disinterested and bored as he did in all his photos, good looking with those dark blue eyes and lean body, but not exactly welcoming.

He Tian stood and Jian Yi followed, all of them exchanging greetings before the drummer sat down across from them, the waitress hurrying over to take his coffee order.

“Thanks for meeting with us, Zheng Zhan Xi,” He Tian said diplomatically.

Jian Yi grinned at his fiend’s effort, trying to hide it against the lip of his coffee cup.

“Just Zhengxi is fine,” the drummer offered. “Your manager was really persistent about meeting. I have to say, I’m relieved he isn’t attending. He’s kind of a lot.” He looked them both over. “Listen, I don’t want to waste your time. I really like your music but I’m not really looking to jump ship. The guys in my band are fine. They’ve never wronged me and they work hard.”

Jian Yi nodded, pushing one of his four pastries toward the other blond. “That’s what I said. You’re perfectly happy where you are.” Jian Yi said.

He Tian suppressed a grimace. “You were supposed to help…” he murmured.

“If Xhengxi here already has the artistic support and family of a band, who are we to drag him away?” Jian Yi countered and He Tian saw the flicker of thought across Xhengxi’s face. Was that disappointment? “You don’t mind having coffee with us anyway, do you? I mean, if we’re going to interview possible band mates, we can at least use the excuse to meet some other artists.”

Zhengxi looked skeptical and He Tian wondered if he didn’t think himself sought after. Or maybe it had more to do with them? They were a hot topic of gossip right now…

“No, of course not.” He picked at the cinnamon bun pushed in front of him and started small talk about music. Jian Yi was quick to keep it going, subtly asking about songs and swapping stories and jokes until they all had a good feel for each other. Jian Yi had that gift, when he wanted to be social he excelled at it. He could make just about anyone comfortable and get any secret he wanted from them.

But Zhengxi wasn’t one to overshare, they realized. But he gave little things away. There was something in the way he looked at Jian Yi and He Tian together when they talked about concerts and traveling. He looked envious and since he was in the same sort of work, it couldn’t be that. Maybe he wasn’t as fulfilled as they assumed.

After two cups of coffee and sandwiches, Jian Yi mentioned his plan to recruit Red as their new bassist.

“She Li’s bassist?” Zhengxi asked, surprised.

“You’ve met him?” He Tian asked.

Zhengxi hesitated, for the first time looking uncomfortable. “She Li? Yeah. We toured with him for a summer two years ago. The band’s actually talking about going with him and his band again.” He finished his coffee, like maybe that swallow would hide his concern.

“Not a good experience?” Jian Yi asked. “We’ve only seen him at the festivals. Can’t say we had a great time…”

Zhengxi shrugged tightly. “Some people like him fine.”

“Have you met Red?” Jian Yi asked.

Zhengxi shook his head. “Not really. I mean, I’ve seen him but…” He hesitated, struggling to explain. “He doesn’t talk much or ever take off the mask. I don’t think She Li lets him. But he’s a great drummer and there’s something about him… I don’t know how to explain it.” His mouth pulled into a sharp smile, a little devious. “He seems willful. It was a shame to see what She Li did to him.”

“Did to him?” He Tian raised an eyebrow.

“The whole passing out on stage thing… You didn’t hear about it?”

“We saw it, like everyone else,” He Tian said.

Zhengxi hesitated again, like maybe he shouldn’t explain, thinking it over before going on, “It’s not the first time She Li’s drugged his bandmates. He’d rather ruin them than let them walk away. I hope he works out for 19 Days. I’d rather not see him disappear because of She Li.”

He Tian looked at their empty cups. He was sure Zhengxi was perfect for their band—for them. He was calm and easy and smart. He fit.

“Can I ask why you two don’t just perform as a duo?” Zhengxi asked. “Not to be rude, but everyone saw the photos of you two and the blow out with your bassist. You have a strong following and the two of you wrote your best songs.”

“Because we’re not a duo,” Jian Yi said before He Tian could. “And I think Red belongs with us, and He Tian thinks you do too.”

Zhengxi glanced between Jian Yi and He Tian, wondering if they were joking or making fun of him, but He Tian caught the flicker of hope.

“If we were negotiating…” He Tian tried when Zhengxi said nothing. “What would be your terms?”

“Terms?” Zhengxi didn’t give away much, but he had become decidedly careful.

“Yeah. What would you need to join us?”

Zhengxi almost answered, it was on the tip of his tongue and then his gaze cut between them, as if remembering that he barely knew them and had no reason to trust them. He glanced around at the restaurant and He Tian could feel them losing him. It would have been easier to handle if he didn’t think Zhengxi was interested.

“What is it?” He Tian pressed.

Zhengxi shook his head shortly. “I’ve been pretty lucky so far. A lot of fucked up stuff happens to people in our industry and I managed to avoid it so…”

“What are you talking about? We don’t do drugs, nothing but liquor and cigarettes. I know we’re seen at a lot of parties but that’s all it is.” Jian Yi explained and He Tian wondered if he was just as invested in getting Zhengxi as himself now. “Is it about the pictures? Because, yeah, He Tian and I fuck sometimes but it’s not like we’re going to jump you or anything—”

“It’s not that,” Zhengxi said quickly, maybe just to shut Jian Yi up now that he was spilling lewd facts in a restaurant—though it was mostly empty. “I don’t have a problem with you guys or whatever your relationship is. I like your music and what you’re offering. I just…” He winced and glanced around again.

He Tian got the distinct feeling they were putting Zhengxi in an awkward position he would have gladly avoided—any situation that seemed to require him to say more than a handful of words seemed to be unwelcomed, though he hadn’t shown any sign of minding when Jian Yi rambled on about concert venues and travel buses. “It’s your manager.”

Jian Yi blinked. “That asshole?” His face scrunched. He’d never liked their manager but the guy had always done his job so they’d stuck with him.

“I’ve been warned by a few people not to work with him. People I trust—people that claimed to have first-hand experiences with him. Like I said, I’ve been lucky so far in avoiding the She Li’s of our industry…”

“What exactly do you mean?” He Tian pressed.

Zhengxi actually curled a lip at him, pissed he had to say anything more and maybe a little more pissed because he _was_ saying it, because he felt drawn to keep this conversation going at all. “He preys on his weaker clients. I’m not surprised the two of you slipped by unharmed, but the rest of us might not be as lucky and though I’d like to work with you… I’m not going to let some creepy fuck bend me over a desk. No offense.”

He Tian would have been impressed by the cold, blunt bite of Zhengxi’s words—certain now more than ever that he was perfect for their group—if his mind wasn’t reeling. He didn’t take offense to the fact that no agent or manager in their right mind would try to take advantage of himself or Jian Yi. They were well off, popular, and had each other. They didn’t make for easy prey and had all the ability to tell people to fuck off at will. But that wasn’t true for everyone. He wanted to deny that their manager would be that kind of sleazebag, but how well did he really know him? They talked business and that was it.

For a second he was relieved the guy hadn’t come along to this meeting—not that Zhengxi would have shown if he had—and then He Tian remembered why their manager wasn’t here. He had another meeting.

“Fuck. I gotta go.” He Tian was up out of his chair. He gave Jian Yi’s hair a ruffle.

“Red—” Jian Yi started, catching up a second too late.

“I’ll handle it.” He Tian was already running across the restaurant and out the door. Maybe Zhengxi was wrong. But He Tian couldn’t risk it.

* * *

Mo Guan Shan didn’t sit down. He’d been surprised to get the call from the manager of 19 Days. Their band losing its drummer and bassist was all over the news, but so was the footage of Red staggering through a performance before passing out on stage and the streaming info about how he’d been kicked out of She Li’s band. That son of a bitch. He’d heard the whispers that Red was looking for a new band. He’d warned him he’d never let him leave. Red hadn’t listened. He wasn’t prone to behaving.

His face felt weird without the mask now and he hated that. She Li had made him used to being unseen and uncomfortable with his own face. Fucking psycho genius. He rubbed his jaw, his hood pulled up to shadow his face. He knew for a fact that he was too ugly to be in that pretty boy rock band, but here he was in Manager Yu’s office. The man wore a nice suit, jacket on his chair and sleeves rolled up. He talked about numbers and fans and social disasters for a while before making Red an offer.

He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets and leaned over to look at the contract. An actual contract. He hadn’t even met the other guys in the band.

“You’re really fucking lucky I talked these guys into considering you,” Yu went on. “I mean, this is your last chance, kid. After that shit you pulled with She Li, you’ll be lucky to find work anywhere let alone a band like 19 Days.”

Red chewed the black ring on the side of his lower lip, thinking. He hadn’t said more than a word or two himself since he walked in. The guy wasn’t wrong. He was ruined. She Li had made sure he was no one even when he was apart of the band. Now he was no one and black-listed.

“Yeah. Okay.”

Manager Yu laughed darkly. “You don’t exactly sound enthusiastic,” he prodded.

Red looked up, realizing the guy had returned to his side. He froze, realizing how close the man was standing—not looking at the contract like he had been but at him. The little alarm bells in his head went off, the same way they had when he first met him but louder this time.

“Maybe you could show a little more enthusiasm? Maybe a little gratitude too while we’re at it…”

Red stared at him, cold, silently trying to decide if this was really happening or if he was just imagining things.

“You know, if I send you out of here, you’ll probably never work again. No one will ever hear you play again.” Manager Yu had lowered his voice, almost seductive. “I’m doing you a huge favor. Do you know how many other bassists would be grateful to be in your position? Do you know what some of them would be happy to do for me?”

Red bit into his tongue to keep from replying, his hands curled into fists inside the pockets of his hoodie, fingernails cutting crescents into the palms of his hands. He had learned these tricks from his years with She Li. Not replying was the best move but it didn’t come easily to Red.

“So, what are you going to do for me?” Manager Yu asked, and then reached down to open his own pants.

Red closed his eyes, tasting blood where his teeth dug into his tongue. Fuck. Why were they all the same?

When he opened his eyes, the man was jerking himself in front of him, waiting like he expected Red to drop to his knees and blow him. Fuck. He probably did expect that. For another, horrible stretch of seconds he was left standing there, trying to will himself to just walk away—to ignore the dark voice in his head that told him to just fucking do it, get it over with. One more fucked up thing and maybe then he’d be free.

If he didn’t do it, he really would be out on the street. Wouldn’t that be a joke—if he ended up blowing people for money anyway. Oh, his dark self-hating voice was having a great day today.

He glanced down at the contract on the desk one last time and then started to walk away from it, aiming to walk around Manager Yu and right out the door. He was almost to it when the man pushed into him from behind, shoving him to the side and up against the wall. The air was shoved from his lungs, his hands out of his pockets and pushing at the wall, trying to get out from under the weight of the other, larger man. “Don’t be a spoiled shit,” he snarled in Red’s ear, pressing his hard on against his back, rubbing himself against him.

Red cringed, teeth gnashing. “Stop,” he pressed out the word, snapping it low but hard.

The manager actually did stop for a second, surprised, his hand still gripping Red by the back of the neck and using his hips too to keep him pinned to the wall.

“Let go, man. I’m passing on the deal.” Red managed to sound as casual as possible, voice tight but even, though a little breathy. He had gotten good at hiding the panic and the fear—it only made it worse and excited fuckers like this.

For a second he thought Yu would let him go, accept that it wasn’t happening and move on. But then that hand on the back of his neck tightened. “You have no room to turn this down, kid. You’ve got nothing. If you walk out of here, I’ll tell everyone you attacked me. And they’ll believe it, because you’re just some druggy shit no one wants.”

Red’s heart pounded in his throat and he couldn’t think of anything to say, because the guy was right—he could say anything he wanted and no one in the world would believe Red over him. He cringed when manager Yu started groping at the hem of his joggers, pushing them down his hips. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. He gasped for air, trying to think or just not think, not be here.

Suddenly the hands were gone, the press of his cock against his back too. Red turned, pushing his back up against the wall and stared in confusion at the room. Another guy was here now, a lean shadow on top of manger Yu. He threw three punches into the man’s face on the floor, swearing and snarling.

Red took a step back, and then another, skirting along the wall toward the door. But he recognized the shape of that angry shadow.

He Tian stood up, spitting on the man on the ground. “You’re fired, you shit! And don’t think this is over!”

He spun away from him and Red cringed when he came at him. He Tian snagged his wrist and dragged him out of the office behind him, through the building and past all the gawking faces.

Red reached up, clawing at his hood, dragging it farther forward over his face. He was practically shoved into an elevator, jerking back and into the corner when the shadow followed him in. He Tian was famous—and known for a dangerous temper.

He stayed quiet and still, going over everything that had just happened. He’d almost had a contract. Got assaulted by a manager—almost worse. And now, what?

“Are you okay?”

Red was staring at a spot on the floor, trying to decide what to do next when he realized the voice was talking to him. Hands reached out into his line of sight, fingers hooking into the hem of his joggers to tug them back up his hips, hiding the stretch of skin that had been exposed. He missed that stupid mask again, feeling the other man looking at him now with nothing between them.

“Red?” He Tian said, steady but gentle. Like they were friends.

“Yeah. Fine,” he bit out, holding his breath and waiting for the elevator doors to open so he could make a run for it.

* * *

He Tian tugged gently at his clothes, putting him back together. Red hadn’t lifted his head since the elevator doors closed and he realized he still hadn’t see his face. His hand twitched, fighting the urge to lift the other man’s chin and finally get a look at the face She Li had hidden.

“We didn’t know about Manager Yu…” He Tian explained, knuckles still throbbing.

Red stayed breathlessly still in the corner, like he was trapped. His head was down, hood drawn.

“We haven’t met before but I’m—”

That hood bounced in a nod.

He Tian sighed, looking down. This was a mess. “I promise he won’t get away with it…” He trailed off when he noticed the dots of wet blood on the floor, another falling from one of Red’s hands. He reached out and snagged it just before the other man could pull it back—no where to go with his back already to the wall. “You said you were okay,” He Tian said, turning his curled fist palm up and waiting for it to open.

Red tried to jerk it free but when that didn’t work he relented, opening his palm briefly to flash the inside of his palm hands, bright red crescent cuts and dozens of thin scars where his nails had bitten into his skin before. “I am,” Red snarled.

He looked up at He Tian and He Tian forgot his grip on his wrist, not even noticing when Red jerked his hand free. He was beautiful. Sharp features and those red eyes with red rims. He had earrings and a black loop over the side of his lower lip and two more in his eyebrow. But more than anything else, he looked wild and willful—like a god caged in skin.

The elevator dinged and Red shoved past him, shouldering him hard enough to spin him.

He Tian almost forgot to follow, jumping out of the elevator just before the doors could close and catching up to the bassist on the sidewalk of the city. “The offer was real though,” he said.

The man glanced back at him once, obviously surprised he’d followed. His fists were stuffed into the pockets of his hoodie again and he didn’t stop walking. “That offer included my ass.”

He Tian clicked his teeth to keep from swearing. “That wasn’t our offer. We just want you to join the band.”

Red kept walking, shoulders tense, and He Tian kept pace. “Obviously we’ll be getting a new manager…” Red still didn’t stop walking. “Come back with me and meet Jian Yi. We can talk about it.” Red came to a stoplight, shifting anxiously like he was trying to get away from He Tian. Maybe he was. But where could he be going? He hadn’t fought like anyone with someplace to go back in that office. In fact, He Tian had been horrified to walk in on that scene and realize Red was breathlessly silent and frozen like he could just disappear.

He Tian moved fast, stepping off the sidewalk to stand in front of Red and face him. Red looked up, surprise earning He Tian another moment of eye contact with those reds. “Give us a chance? A day?” If he could just get Red to come back with him, he knew they’d be able to convince him to stay.

Red stared at him, chewing at his lip and flicking a sharp tooth along the thin metal ring. Was that what he looked like when tempted?

Suddenly his red eyes widened and his grabbed the front of He Tian’s shirt, pulling him up the step and into him. He Tian’s arms hooked around his waist and for a second he was holding this stranger, feeling the muscles of his back through his hoodie. The smaller man turned them both just as a car rushed by. It would have hit He Tian.

He Tian grinned, despite how the near miss made his heart pound—or maybe it was how holding on to Red made his heart pound. “Well… now you saved my life. You’ll have to stay with me until I repay you.”

Red blinked, blush slowly spreading over his face. All at once he realized he was still holding on to the front of He Tian’s shirt, letting go and stepping back.

Red’s eyes widened and he looked away. “Fuck…” He hissed to himself. “I didn’t mean to…” he mumbled, barely audible.

He Tian didn’t understand at first, until he took note of Red’s hands still held up between them, palms smeared in red from the crescent cuts. He looked down at his shirt, the one Red had grabbed hold of to pull him from oncoming traffic. There were splotches of red in the wrinkled fabric. For a second he considered using this to make Red come back with him. He could say he had to pay him back or wash his shirt or some bullshit—whatever it took to keep him from disappearing into the city. It might work on Red. He seemed used to bullying and He Tian suspected he had a terrible understanding of debt.

He Tian reached out, grabbing those hands and pulling them toward him again, pressing Red’s palms flat to his chest and rubbing his bloody palms off on his already stained shirt. Those red eyes widened, shooting up to stare at him. He felt his pulse jumping in his wrists and his hands shaking against his chest. He was raw, like his palms—full of scars and stains. “It’s just a shirt,” He Tian said steadily, his hands still over Red’s—still holding them to his chest. Maybe if he could feel his pulse, he could believe him. “You’re an amazing bassist and we want to work with you. I’m sorry about what happened today. But please, consider working with us. We can talk term and contracts and you can decide if you’re interested.”

Red stood there for another few seconds, staring at him in some form of shock or just skepticism. And then his arms spasmed, tugging back in a testing way that suggested he didn’t really think He Tian would let go. But He Tian did. He knew he had smears of red on his t-shirt now and was already sure he’d keep it forever. He’d wear it at their next concert.

Red glanced back, at the now green crosswalk and He Tian was almost sure he was really going to walk away. And then his shoulders pressed back and his head ducked, hands sinking into his pockets again. “Okay,” was all he said, waiting grimly to be led to their hotel for negotiations.


	2. Negotiations

“You walked in on what?” Jian Yi’s voice had gone dangerously low. He was the sort of guy who would yell in a library—but right now he dropped into a whisper.

He Tian glanced back, across their hotel room, toward the bathroom where Red had gone to wash his hands after meeting Jian Yi in the vaguest of ways.

“Yu had him pushed up against a wall, rubbing himself against him and pushing at his pants…” He Tian whispered back in a low rumble.

Jian Yi hissed and then tapped the backs of his fingers against the bloody handprints on He Tian’s shirt. “I guess that explains how you stained your Gucci…”

“No. That’s his,” he nudged his head back toward the direction of the bathroom and the sound of flowing water. “But I called my brother… He’ll deal with Manager Yu.”

Jian Yi wrinkled his nose at mention of He Tian’s brother, but didn’t lose his focus. “If he’s hurt, should we take him a hospital?”

“I asked. He didn’t want to go and it’s not that bad.”

Jian Yi looked unconvinced but nodded slowly. “But you got him to come back here.”

“Yeah. We can negotiate terms and talk about the tour plans. If we can get him to sign with us, and get another manager in place we should be on schedule to head out on the tour bus next week.”

Jian Yi smiled slowly, leaning back in his seat. “So, you’re not on the fence about him anymore?”

He Tian glanced at the bathroom door again. “I don’t suppose you managed to convince Zhengxi to join us..?” He doubted it. It turned out he had had every reason not to trust them or their offer. They were going to have to find a drummer.

Jian Yi pulled a folded up sheet of paper from his jacket and held it up. “He has terms. We already fired Manager Yu though, so we can cross that off. The other stipulation was that we sign Red.”

He Tian stared at him for a second and then took the paper from him, flipping it open. Everything else was technical, basically the outline of the contract he’d sign. His only real stipulations had been not working with Manager Yu and signing Red.

* * *

Red hand pushed his sleeves up to his elbows and stuck his blood crusted palms under the stream, watching the pink water twirl down the drain. The hotel was nice, the room big enough to have a living room and bedroom. She Li had lived well too and Red had known from the start that he was dangerous—that he shouldn’t have put himself in a position to be controlled and abused by She Li. But He’d decided it was worth it. Red knew he could survive almost anything. He also knew he was a pretty good bassist. But he had underestimated She Li.

His phone chimed in his pocket and he turned off the water, shaking his hands dry and looking at his palms. They’d stopped bleeding. They always did. He turned off the water and tugged his phone from his pocket. Blocked number. He knew better than to answer but he tapped it and held it to his ear. He didn’t have to say anything. He heard the breath on the other end and when he closed his eyes he saw that awful smile on She Li’s pretty mouth. “How was it?”

Red didn’t ask what he meant. He’d learned to keep his own mouth shut.

“I heard those 19 Days shits were interested in you… I bet Manager Yu had a good time with you. Perfect prey that you are. You’re practically on the street, Little Red. So, tell me, did you blow him for an interview, or did he bend you over the desk?”

Red winced, subconsciously groping for his hood and pulling it up over his face. He wanted to hide, to disappear. Why couldn’t he just hang up?

She Li laughed richly, like he heard his thoughts and they brought him joy. “You know they don’t want you. That old goat just saw an easy mark.”

“That’s not true,” Red whispered, not even realizing it was out loud.

“You’re going to lose what little you have,” She Li cooed as though it was a sweet-nothing. “I do hope you tell me when you get so low you have to sell your base. I might buy it from you.”

Red curled his lip and cringed. He didn’t own much, but he’d sell everything else he had first, his body and soul too. She Li knew that. He had read Red like a book, short and simple. But he was wrong about today. Manager Yu had been out to take what wasn’t his, but the deal with 19 Days seemed to be real enough. If nothing else, he would still get to play.

He hung up the phone, hating how his hand trembled, but shoving it into his pocket. He took another few breaths to steady himself, to press back his shoulders and remind himself that he was in charge of his own life—even if it was a completely disaster. And even if he drove it into the ground, he was going to be the one deciding.

When he left the bathroom, he found the two other men in the living room. He Tian pocketed a piece of paper and turned toward him, looking him over with those dark eyes that seemed to comb over him. He was trying to read him too—looking for all his scars and weaknesses just like She Li. Another wolf. And Red had followed this one too. What was wrong with him?

Jian Yi stood and crossed the little room to him, grabbing his wrists to lift his hands between them. Red sucked in a breath, surprised by the contact and staring at the beautiful man. Everyone raved about Jian Yi’s face, those pale eyes and that wide mouth, light hair lifted into a messy knot.

Red blushed when he realized Jian Yi was examining his palms and the pink nail bites. He jerked them back, closing them tight and wincing when he automatically began digging them in again. He was surprised to find Jian Yi still watching him when he looked up, those wheat eyes trying to peek deeper into his hood. He smiled and it was alarmingly honest. “I’m glad you’re okay and that asshole didn’t fuck up your hands.”

He Tian rolled his eyes and sunk into a chair. “Ji…”

Jian Yi hissed at the other man. “You don’t know how important it is! You just stand there and sing.”

Red tensed, not sure if he should back away from this scene and Jian Yi before He Tian’s anger came down on him, or try to shield the loud blond. She Li had cut down his bandmate for far less than that tone. He Tian was tall and broad shouldered, and Red had seen how he pummeled that manager. He didn’t imagine Jian Yi would stand a chance.

“All you’re worried about are fingers!” He Tian snapped.

* * *

Jian Yi rolled his eyes, turning toward the raven-haired man. “Like I said, you don’t understand!”

He Tian shot to his feet with a hiss and Jian Yi was surprised to feel a hand wrapped around his elbow, pulling gently. Red had slid closer and with that hand was guiding Jian Yi back to his side, like he might move in front of him. Jian Yi blinked at the other man, surprised, and finally got a good look at those red eyes. He was beautiful. Pink lined his eyes permanently, thin brows and severe cheekbones. There was a scar on his lip, hidden by that piercing, and another on his brow.

His jaw was set and his eyes wild and focused on the air between Jian Yi and He Tian.

The room had gone quiet. Jian Yi slid his hand over the one on his arm, realizing what Red must have thought was coming. And he had tried to step in, risking himself in something that could be nightmarish. Jian Yi smiled and turned toward Red, leaning in close to that hooded face, into its shadow until those red eyes could look nowhere but at him. “I’ve been pissing him off for more than a decade…” Jian Yi whispered. “He’d never hit me. And no matter how we fight, neither of us are going to hit you either.”’

Red blushed and let go of his arm, taking a step back. He hid in that hood again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, jaw flexing.

He Tian sat back down slowly, and Jian Yi felt his wild energy carefully held back for fear of causing any more trouble.

“You’re coming with us on tour, aren’t you?” Jian Yi asked Red, pressing before he could think any more. “We’re booked and don’t want to cancel. We’re supposed to be on the road Thursday…”

Red swallowed, glancing past Jian Yi at He Tian. He didn’t know them more than the public might. And their first impression with their manager had been a disaster.

“I don’t want any bassist but you,” Jian Yi said firmly. “I picked you and not because you were without options. I would have tried to poach you if you were still with She Li.”

Red looked up then, doubt warring with horror—making Jian Yi imagine what he thought She Li capable of.

“Go with us, Red,” Jian Yi tried again. “Not because you have no other choice, but because it’s going to be great. Because we’re going to be great. I know it.”

Red tried to roll his eyes, but it was half-hearted. His cheeks were pink and he couldn’t look at either of them directly. He took another step back and then another. “Fine. I’ll be here on Thursday,” he said bluntly, barely more than a mumble, and then left.

Jian Yi stared after him, after the door had closed. “I guess we have a band.”

He Tian stayed in the chair, closing his eyes. “He thought I was going to hit you…”

Jian Yi nodded, still staring at the closed door. “Zhengxi and I talked about She Li’s band. He’s seen enough of them to know the rumors are true. He wouldn’t have handled his guitarist talking to him like I do you, I guess…” Jian Yi turned, cocking his head to the side to look at his best friend. He Tian was slouched back in the chair, eyes closed. Jian Yi walked over to him. “Are you sulking?”

“No,” He Tian said.

Jian Yi raised a skeptical eyebrow but decided not to say anything, instead he sunk down over He Tian, straddling his hips in the plush chair. “What part of it is eating you? The bit where he thought you’d hit me? The bit where he was afraid of you? Or the bit where someone taught him to believe that?”

He Tian sighed, hands sliding over the backs of Jian Yi’s jean clad thighs. Jian Yi smiled softly to himself at that casual touch, comfortable and normal. They’d both dated people and spent years being just friends when they were, but none of Jian Yi’s relationships had ever been like this. “All of it,” He Tian grumbled. “If I see She Li, I’m going to put a hole in his face…”

Jian Yi studied him. “Are you into Red?”

He Tian’s eyes opened, first looking at the ceiling and then at his friend. “Yeah. I am.”

Jian Yi nodded and leaned back, planning to get up. If He Tian was going to end up dating their bassist, it was better they stop messing around now so it wouldn’t make Red uncomfortable.

He Tian’s hands didn’t let go of his thighs though, squeezing and holding him to him. “Are you interested in him?” He Tian asked, voice careful and just a little bit vulnerable.

Jian Yi blinked, surprised. It wasn’t hard to answer. He could still feel where Red’s hand had grabbed his arm and see those red eyes. He was something wild and damaged and somehow exactly what they needed. “Yes.” But why ask? They’d never fought over anyone before. But they’d never liked the same person before either.

“I don’t want to stop seeing you again,” He Tian confessed. “But I know we need more.”

It was true. They were great friends and something more, but it wasn’t enough. They needed someone else. “You think Red would be interested in dating both of us?” He sounded skeptical but felt nervous eagerness at the idea too.

“Well, I don’t think either of us can make any moves on him until he feels safe enough to say, “hell no” and for it not to wreck our band, leave him looking for another gig and us looking for another bassist…” He Tian reminded.

Jian Yi thought about it and nodded along. Fair enough. “Fine. I’ll keep it in my pants with Red.”

He Tian slid his hands up the backs of Jian Yi’s thighs until he was cupping his ass, pulling him forward until his chest was flush with his. “But you don’t have to keep your pants on with me…”

Jian Yi moaned lowly, eyes glazing over. “Promise when we’re touring…” he mumbled, rolling his hips to rub his clothed crotch against He Tian’s, breath staggering at the growing bulge rubbing against his own. “Promise you’ll jump me in the bathroom sometimes… Those buses don’t offer a lot of privacy.”

He Tian lifted Jian Yi’s shirt, peeling it off him before grabbing his ass again and standing, lifting him up and groaning at the familiar and always thrilling feel of those long legs wrapping around his waist. “Bathrooms and alleyways, Ji,” he promised, walking them into the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inching along! This WILL end up being all four of them in a relationship, even if they don't see that coming yet. <3


	3. Cohabitants

_Zhengxi finished his drink, leaning against the bar in the loud club. His bandmates and a handful of fans and friends circled around, but he wasn’t listening to their conversation anymore. He hated parties, but he didn’t put up much of a fight when they dragged him along. They wanted to make appearances and all the other bands from the tour were at this club tonight._

_Through the crowd, he could see She Li and his own gathering in one of the lounge areas. His bandmates lurked about with their masks on, faceless so as not to distract from She Li or maybe just to keep them solitary and dependent on She Li. They’d been on the same tour the last few months and Zhengxi had found himself watching Red. The bassist moved like a storm, light on his feet and impossible to ignore—even beside She Li—even without a face. Maybe that was what caused the obvious rift between the lead singer and bassist? She Li had been giving Red the shit jobs for two weeks now, constantly leaving him behind and using those cutting words to rip him down. But Red didn’t seem to notice and She Li was only getting angrier._

_Zhengxi had almost walked in on the two last night, arguing in a bathroom. She Li had been cruel, trying to break Red down, but the bassist wouldn’t bend._

_Tonight, She Li snapped something across the table and the bodies leaned into his. Red had been positioned farthest from the lead singer—a show of just how on the outs he was with the leader. Red walked away from the group, down the steps from the lounge and cutting through the crowd. He was wearing a black hoodie, drawn up to shadow the red mask beneath. Zhengxi felt warmer when he realized Red was moving toward the bar—toward him. He stopped beside him, leaned over the bar, and shouted an order to the bartender, cocking his head back toward the lounge table. Zhengxi closed his eyes for a second, imagining what that mouth looked like under that mask._

_Red had ordered the drink to be taken to the table, but he hadn’t moved to go back himself._

_Zhengxi rolled his head to the side to look at the hidden figure. “Where will you go?”_

_The bassist didn’t turn toward him or look at him through those slits in his mask. “What?”_

_“You’re leaving him, aren’t you? That’s why he’s so pissed. He can feel it too.”_

_Red tapped his fingers against the edge of the bar, thinking._

_“You’ll be fine without him. You’re more talented than he is. That’s why he tries so hard to hold you down.”_

_A huff echoed inside the mask. A laugh? It was a bitter sound. Red stepped back from the bar, head cocking to the side to look at Zhengxi. His eyes were red inside that mask. “Everyone likes to hold me down. Just something about me, I guess…”_

_Zhengxi imagined he was smirking under that mask. He would have given a lot to see it—to confirm the playful fury in that curl of lips. “You didn’t answer my question. Do you have a plan for after She Li?”_

_Another huff. “What do you care? Your band has a bassist.” Red turned away and wove through the crowd, not toward She Li’s booth though. He was making his way toward a side exit._

_Zhengxi glanced toward She Li’s table to see the silver-haired man watching, eyes narrow and lip quirked in a snarl before he turned his attention back to his group. He pretended not to care that Red was leaving, but it was eating him up. He wouldn’t let Red just walk away from the band. It would get ugly._

_Zhengxi knew he should just keep out of it, go back to drinks with his bandmates and forget about the whole thing. Be all he could think about was what Red might look like inside that mask._

_He followed him to the exit and out from the pulsing club into the dark, quiet alley. “Wait,” he called just as the door slammed behind him._

_Red was a handful of steps ahead, making his way toward the main road and the smooth flow of headlights. He tensed, turning toward Zhengxi like he was bracing for an attack, but not going to run or hide from it either. He really had meant what he said, that he thought everyone wanted to hold him down. Zhengxi walked up to him, noticing every tensing muscle and the way his hands balled into fists. He reached out slowly, fingertips running along the ridge of Red’s mask, until they were under his chin._

_Red’s hand came up, fingers touching Zhengxi’s wrist. He felt a tremor in them, cool points against his skin. He wanted to pull that mask off and see that face—to know that face—but he didn’t move, fingertips still against the edge of the mask, only barely pulling._

_“You’ll ruin whatever fantasy you have going,” Red said lowly, trying to sound blunt of cold but a little too breathy to pull it off. “If this is a fetish, you’re better off just pushing me up against the wall.”_

_Zhengxi raised a brow, still not pulling his hand away or taking off the mask yet. He was getting used to the light touch of those fingers against his skin. “Is that your fetish? Do you like wearing the mask?”_

_Red’s fingers jumped against his skin and he hesitated to answer—but not because he didn’t want to—because he didn’t seem to know._

_Zhengxi slid his fingertips down from the edge of the mask, to run them slowly down the length of Red’s neck, feeling his pulse pick up and hearing his breath hitch. “Do you want me to push you up against that wall?”_

_Red swallowed hard and he felt it with his fingers still against his neck. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Maybe.”_

_Zhengxi bit back a moan, sex throbbing inside his jeans. Fuck. He hadn’t expected this. His fingers moved up against, back to his jaw. “I can’t do that without seeing your face,” he admitted. It wasn’t a ploy. He wouldn’t be able to do it without seeing his partner’s expressions, without seeing that he was into it and watching his reactions. They all had their fetishes, didn’t they?_

_Red shifted, squirming maybe, and then he let go of Zhengxi’s wrist, freeing his hand. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you…”_

_Zhengxi heard that defeated tone. He’d heard how She Li called him ugly too. Zhengxi didn’t really care what he looked like, he just needed to see his reactions—to know that Red knew he’d been seen and wasn’t just a mask or a body. He slid the mask up, off his face and over his head. Red winced, like the cool air bit at his skin and he wasn’t used to it—he probably wasn’t. He was pale and sharp featured with red eyes and a beautiful wide mouth. He had a black ring hugging his lower lip and another in one brow. An old bruise on his cheek had turned yellow, with a newer one in purple over it and against his eye socket. The corner of his mouth was red and bruised too, a scab on his lip close to healed and a scab at the bridge of his nose suggesting it had been broken a couple months ago. It was a history of abuse painted on his face._

_“I warned you…” Red said and it was a revelation to watch his mouth move when he did. He reached up for his mask, about to pull it down again, when Zhengxi caught his arm, shaking his head. He turned him, steering him by his hold on his arm and bumping his hips into Red’s, until Red’s back his the brick wall of the alley. Red’s breath hitched, hips pushing forward into Zhengxi’s. “If you didn’t want the mask on… Wh-Why me?”_

_Zhengxi moaned lowly, hands ghosting over Red’s body, pulling his hoodie open and sliding his hands inside, under his shirt, over his skin to feel the lean chorded muscles of his sides. “Because I’ve heard you play… Because I’ve watched you move.” His mouth hovered over Red’s, drinking in his uneven breaths and the pulse of confirmation it sent through his body. He felt Red’s hard on against his thigh and finally brought their mouths together, tasting the metal of his ring in their kiss._

_When Red’s hands grabbed at his arms, Zhengxi groaned, the thrill of being wanted and touched running heat through his body. Red grabbed at Zhengxi’s shirt, pulling at the material like he hated it for being between them. His hands slid down, opening the front of Zhengxi’s jeans. He moaned into their kiss when Red freed him from his pants and wrapped a hand around him, stroking._

_Zhengxi shivered. Was this really happening? And in an alley behind a club? A part of him wanted to bring Red back to a hotel room, study his whole fucking body and figure out how to make him crazy with pleasure. But if he broke this moment, he knew Red would disappear. He slid his tongue into Red’s mouth and shuddered when Red sucked at it hungrily. He opened Red’s pants, pushing them far enough down his hips to touch his sex, moaning at the feel of that hard on. _

_Red broke their kiss, shoving Zhengxi a step back and pushing something into his hand. Before the blond could ask why, Red turned around, hands to the brick wall and back arched to push his ass out. Zhengxi just stared for a second, hoping to imprint the vision on his brain forever. Red’s jeans were just far enough down his thighs to expose his round ass, body shaking. “Do it.”_

_Zhengxi looked at what Red had pushed into his palm. The condom wrapper flickered the street flights back at him on the shiny surface. He took that step forward, hips pushing forward to rub his hard on against Red’s ass. He bit back a moan when Red jumped and groaned, rubbing back against him eagerly. It was enough confirmation to get Zhengxi moving. He sucked two fingers, wetting them before touching Red’s ass, a finger pressing into him. Zhengxi drank in that surprised moan, feeling his body around his finger._

_“Y-You don’t have to…” Red ground out, hips moving in little jerks, already fucking himself on that finger._

_Zhengxi kissed Red’s neck, one arm against the brick wall alongside Red’s. He added a second finger, stroking until Red’s pants and moans were rattling through his own chest, reshaping his own breaths._

_“Fuck me,” Red ground out._

_Zhengxi used his teeth to open the condom, pulling his fingers out of him long enough to slide the latex on. He reached out and pulled the mask resting on top of Red’s head completely off, throwing it on the ground before pressing against him. They both tensed, straining and gasping when he pushed forward until he was inside him. “Fuck,” Zhengxi ground out, holding his hip in one hand, other arm still against the wall along Red’s. His fingers curled around Red’s hand. He pushed his hips forward until he was as far in as he could go, completely surrounded. Red squeezed his hand, body shaking. Zhengxi waited until Red’s hips pushed, squirming, looking for friction, and then he started thrusting._

_He drank up Red’s moans. They were unhindered and guttural. Free and so utterly thrilling to be the one making him make them. He buried his face in Red’s neck, feeling his pulse and breathing in his scent. He released his hip to reach forward, wrapping his hand around Red’s sex again and stroking in time with his thrusts._

_“Bite me,” Red ground out the words, so guttural that Zhengxi didn’t even hear them at first. “Please…” he added, hips slamming back and forth between his own and his fist._

_Zhengxi breathed deep against Red’s neck, tongue tasting his skin, feeling his pulse jump with eagerness. A part of his brain still held him back. He wanted to give his partner anything in that moment but biting wasn’t something he usually did and an alarm at the back of his thoughts persisted that he shouldn’t leave marks. There were enough marks on Red already, weren’t there?_

_“Please,” Red said again, voice shaking on the edge of his orgasm or just on the edge of breaking. Zhengxi couldn’t deny him, hand squeezing his and mouth opening to bite at the side of his neck, teeth pressing into his skin until he felt the other man’s pulse leaping against his own._

_Red made the most amazing sound then, something between a sob and a moan. They rutted against the wall until they both came, Zhengxi holding out to make sure Red went first._

_When it was done, Zhengxi stayed a moment longer, savoring their closeness because he knew he would lose it soon—and probably never get it again. He kissed the spot he’d bitten. His teeth were imprinted in that pale skin, the bite already turning red. It might bruise. “Red…” he exhaled, worry in the name._

_Red moved and Zhengxi stepped back, both of them straightening themselves and zipping up their pants. “Don’t worry about it.” Red touched the bite mark absently before pulling his hood up over his face and looking for the mask._

_Zhengxi watched him pick it up off the ground. “Is it because you like to be bitten or because you want him to see it?”_

_Red froze for a second before glancing at him. They stared at each other, strangers again. “Both.” Before Zhengxi could ask anything else, he add, “I don’t belong to him. I don’t belong to anyone.”_

_Zhengxi stood there and watched the bassist pull his mask back on, contrary to his words, and walk away—down the alley and disappearing around the corner. He wore She Li’s mask. He took the psycho singer’s abuse. But he defied him and Zhengxi now knew it was to show him that he couldn’t be controlled—not really, not ever. And just like that, Zhengxi knew he’d never be over him. This wasn’t going to be a one-and-done. This moment was going to change his life._

* * *

Red met Jian Yi at the hotel lobby before dawn and the blond lead the way to the tour bus. Red had his base and a duffle bag. He’d been staying at a pay by the week rental dump since leaving She Li a month ago and was more than ready to leave it behind.

The tour bus was spacious in comparison, but most importantly it was clean and warm. The front was a sitting area with storage under the seats and overhead and as he walked deeper into the bus it became a kitchenette on one side and a table on the other. A few more steps and there were two bunk beds on either side, and then finally a bathroom at the end and more storage for their equipment.

Red nodded, looking at the bunks. “Which ones is mine?”

Jian Yi shrugged, leaning against the side of one. “I took the top,” he said, pointing at the one nearest him with a bag already on it. “He Tian is talking with the driver, but he never cares which bunk he gets, so you can choose first.”

Red hesitated another second before tossing his bag and gear onto the bottom bunk opposite the one Jian Yi had chosen.

Jian Yi almost smiled because he could have bet on that being his choice—it was the farthest from Ji’s bed and the least presumptuous.

The engine started up and He Tian climbed onto the bus, hauling a bag and shouting out to someone about there being plenty of room in the exterior storage for equipment. The lead singer paused a handful of steps onto the bus, nodding once at Red before looking at Jian Yi. “Are we ready to go?”

Jian Yi nodded, taking those handful of steps to the sitting area at the front of the bus and plopping himself down. “Ready. As soon as you two are loaded and on, we can get this party rolling.”

He Tian hopped off the bus again and Red came over to where Jian Yi sat. “Who did you guys find for the drums?” Everyone knew 19 Days had lost both their bassist and their drummer.

He Tian was back, a blond man on his heels with his own bag over his shoulder.

Jian Yi smiled. “Oh, shit, I thought we’d told you. We managed to talk Zhan Zheng Xi into joining us.”

* * *

Red stared at the blond a second too long, red creeping over his cheeks before he looked away. He’d been on tour with Zhan Zheng Xi before but he hadn’t expected to see him again. The blond didn’t talk much and seemed to have no interested in She Li—keeping his distance. Mo had caught the blond watching him more than once. It had either been luck or misfortune that night when Zhan Zheng Xi talked to him at the bar and then followed him out into the alley. Red had been at his wits end with She Li and that awful band. He was feeling so restrained and silenced. That moment had been so freeing and self-affirming. He’d taken the beating of his life when She Li came back to their tour bus in the morning and saw the bite mark on Red. But Red had smiled through the whole thing, smug and wild.

He wasn’t feeling smug now, staring at his one-night stand and realizing they were going to be in the same band—in the same tour bus.

“You can call me Zhengxi,” the drummer said, putting his bag down and stretching out an arm to offer a handshake.

Red stared at it for a second, remembering that that hand had once wrapped around his hard on. He looked away again but quickly shook the hand, trying to ignore the jolt that went up his spine at the contact. At least he was pretending they hadn’t met. Maybe that meant he wasn’t going to give him trouble or tell everyone how he fucked a stranger in an alley. He wanted to roll his eyes and go hide in a hole.

His phone rang and for a moment he was relieved for the chance to escape—a real excuse to go hide. He excused himself and tugged his phone from his pocket, moving toward the back of the bus. When he looked at the name, his heart sank and he almost stopped walking. But ignoring She Li wasn’t going to make him go away. If he wanted to say something—he’d get to say it or he’d just escalate.

* * *

He Tian watched Red’s retreat.

Zhengxi sat down beside Jian Yi when the bus started moving. Jian Yi slung an arm over his shoulders, like they knew each other well. He had a habit of treating people like they were old friends and for a second He Tian worried Zhengxi would react badly. It’s not like they knew him. But he relaxed against his side, getting comfortable rather than tensing up. Maybe he really was the perfect fit for them.

He Tian had caught the expression that cut across Red’s face just before he hid everything under a mask of indifference and looked away.

“I thought you said you didn’t know him,” He Tian said quietly, looking down at Zhengxi.

The blond glanced up at him, shrugging once. “I said _not really_. But we’ve been on the same tours and at some of the same parties.”

There was a decided lack of information without apology that suggested Zhengxi wouldn’t be saying anything more—if there even was anything more to say.

He Tian wasn’t sure if he should be annoyed or not. He wasn’t sure he had any right to be. He barely knew these two, but he’d been led to believe they didn’t know each other either. Instead of pressing, he moved toward the bunkbeds, pretending to be looking for something.

* * *

Red had walked toward the back of the bus, to the bunkbeds tucked in the back for some sense of privacy and quiet. He answered and held it to his ear. The silence was thick, furious, and he knew then that She Li had heard the news.

“You must have really fucked that manager well, Red…” She Li said, voice low and biting. “You know they only picked you up for the drama—to get closer to my fanbase. You’re just a piece of trash they can use.”

“Like you did?” Red retorted.

She Li seethed on the other end. “Yes, Red. Like I did. You know they know about you. Why do you think they want you in the first place?”

Red felt the skin on the back of his neck prickle and at first thought it was a reaction to what She Li was saying, and then he realized someone was standing right behind him. He turned around slowly, the phone still to his ear, She Li’s voice still feeding his fears and insecurities.

He stared up at He Tian, those dark eyes boring into him as though he could hear the voice too—maybe he could standing that close. He reached up and gently fingered the hem of Red’s hood, pushing it back to expose his face fully. His hand ghosted over the back of Red’s holding the phone, tugging it away from his face until they were holding it between them, the glow illuminating their faces.

“They could have had anyone. You’re just a convenient piece of ass that happens to play the base. But it’s going to be worse, because you were _my_ punching bag before… now you’re all of theirs. First their manager and now—”

“She Li,” He Tian said his name, his voice dark and furious.

Red’s hand shook, he might have pulled away if He Tian’s hand weren’t still holding his—those dark eyes still staring at him.

She Li had gone silent mid-sentence when he realized he wasn’t speaking to Red alone. “He Tian,” he ground out the name of the other lead singer. “Are you enjoying my—”

“Don’t call us anymore,” He Tian said and then tapped the button to hang up.

Red exhaled natural relief at that disconnect, before realizing his new position. He Tian was still staring at him, still holding the back of his hand to grip his phone. He’d heard She Li. Red’s heart pounded in his chest. He had to say something. Had to set things straight. “If you hit me, I’ll hit you back,” he said bluntly, forcing the words out. “And I’ll leave. I don’t care if there’s no where to go. I’ll leave.” He hoped he wasn’t bluffing. He’d stuck it out way too long with She Li because he didn’t think he had anywhere to go. Now he knew for a fact that he had nowhere to go after this but he didn’t want to let himself fall into the same hole again. He knew he could survive it if he did, he could survive anything, but he wanted to believe he’d learned from it.

He Tian’s hand twitched around his, those dark eyes still boring into him. “Good.”

“I’m not here for anything but playing the base.”

“Okay.” He Tian let go of his hand and dropped his own to his side, still standing close and looking back at him. “I want us to be close—to be friends—to be a band. I know things weren’t good with She Li… And that we didn’t start on a good foot with Manager Yu. But that isn’t what this is going to be. We’re partners, all four of us. I’m not going to hurt you or take advantage of you. I know it’s going to take time for you to believe it, but you can trust us.” He looked at the phone in Red’s hand, expression darkening again maybe as he remembered what he’d heard. Red’s cheek reddened, embarrassed and uncomfortable. “Your relationships are your business, but if you don’t like the way he talks to you, maybe you should block his number?”

Red looked down at his phone. If he didn’t like it? He almost laughed bitterly. He Tian was leaving room for the possibility that Red was into this kind of abuse? He wasn’t sure if he should be offended or grateful that he was trying not to make assumptions. His heart jumped up into his throat when he realized He Tian was turning away from him to leave him alone. He caught the other guy’s sleeve, surprising himself and letting it go almost as soon as He Tian stopped, looking back at him.

“It’s not what I’m into.” Red looked away, hating how he knew he was blushing right now. He didn’t need to tell this guy about his fucked-up relationship with She Li. How he fell into it or how disturbingly natural it was.

He Tian actually looked relieved, nodding again. “Have you eaten yet? I’m fuckin’ starving,” he changed the subject and headed past the bunkbeds to the kitchenette, leaving Red to catch his breath and go over the whirlwind of his life.

* * *

Jian Yi had turned when He Tian walked away down the bus and thrown his legs up over Zhengxi’s lap. The drummer lifted an eyebrow but didn’t push him off or even tense up, just watching him with his head leaned back against the couch cushions, waiting.

“So, you kind of fibbed about Red…”

“Did I?” Zhengxi asked.

“You slept with him.”

Zhengxi’s thighs tensed under his legs in a subtle jump, his expression fluttering with surprise.

“Were you dating or was it just a one-night stand?”

Zhengxi tensed but didn’t make a move to get up. “What makes you think I know him at all?”

“I saw how you looked at him. And how he looked at you. And I haven’t forgotten how you agreed to join us if we signed Red…”

Zhengxi looked worried for the first time, uncomfortable even.

Jian Yi smiled. “I won’t say anything. But, I didn’t realize you liked men.”

Zhengxi smiled then, knowing the scandal of He Tian and Jian Yi having broken up their last band. “Is it a problem?”

Jian Yi laughed and shook his head. “No. Just curious if you two are exclusive…”

Zhengxi sat up a little then, turning sideways to look at Jian Yi. Those dark blue eyes looked him over, studying him and taking him in, making Jian Yi acutely aware of himself and how he’d sprawled himself over their new drummer. “We’re not anything.”

“A one-night stand then…” Jian Yi muttered to himself, still staring back at Zhengxi. They’re faces were awfully close now. “But you’re interested?”

“Yes.”

Oh. This was shaping up too perfectly. “Just in him?”

“What?”

Jian Yi felt a pang of excitement and nerves. He’d never shied away from putting himself out there. It had led to plenty of beatings in his youth but even more kisses. “Are you just interested in Red?” he said, still half sitting in the man’s lap, their faces close enough to be whispering.

Zhengxi’s hand came to rest on Jian Yi’s thigh, casual but so warm through his jeans. “I thought you and He Tian had a thing…?”

“Like we said, we’re not a duo.” A part of his brain was screaming to slow the fuck down because he hadn’t talked to He Tian about Zhengxi in this context. They’d talked about flirting with Red and maybe getting him to be their third, to be a whole relationship. But this was perfect. This felt right. This felt like a fucking dream.

“But you two are something, right?”

Jian Yi smiled, realizing Xixi was making sure he wasn’t intruding. “We’re looking to be more than two.” He leaned closer, like he might kiss him, and then Jian Yi jumped up from Zhengxi’s lap. “I’m not bullshitting you, so think about it. We like Red, so, I guess if you’re going monogamous and after him, we’ll be romantic rivals.” Jian Yi flashed a grin, kind of liking the idea of competitive wooing.

He Tian was in the kitchen, the tour bus driving along into the morning. “I’m going to sleep! Wake me up when someone makes pancakes!” he declared, ruffling He Tian’s hair when he wiggled past him to the bunkbeds. This was going to be a great tour.


	4. Restart

Their first concert wasn’t just good. It was great. It was everything Jian Yi had hoped for in a band.

Red wore his hoodie, hood up to shadow his face but there was no hiding it—not anymore. Jian Yi had been taking seflies with his new bandmates all day before the show and plastering them on social media.

He ended the concert with another selfie—just as he had every concert of his life—this one with the audience behind him and his tongue out. And then they’d spent another hour taking pictures with fans and signing anything they were directed to sign and goofing around. Jian Yi had hooked an arm over Red’s shoulders to keep him at his side, in the front of things because he seemed to have a natural impulse to pull back. Their fans were a positive bunch, especially after the fall out. They were happy 19 Days was still playing, and welcomed the new members.

When they were finally off the stage and down the long, narrow halls of the building, he snagged He Tian by the elbow, pulling him to a stop while Red and Xixi continue on, into the dressing room. The dark haired man turned to look down at him, eyebrow raised and skin damp with sweat, his eyes were blown—the way they were when he was having sex or coming off a good show. He smiled and without even looking to make sure no one saw this time, he curled a hand around the back of Jian Yi’s neck and pulled him into a kiss.

Jian Yi almost forgot what he was going to say, kissing him back and sighing like he’d been holding an anxious breath inside for years. He was usually the careless one when it came to public affection. But then he understood. People knew—at the very least suspected the two of them were dating. And it hadn’t stopped them from putting together their dream band either. It didn’t matter anymore if they made out in the halls.

“It was great. You were right,” He Tian said, too happy to even withhold giving him credit.

Jian Yi smiled. Of all the versions of He Tian he knew—and he liked to think he knew them all by now—after a concert was always the best He Tian—the happiest and most spent version of himself. It was almost cheating to bring anything serious up to him now, when he was likely to agree to just about anything with a careless shrug, but he didn’t get a lot of chances without the other guys around. “I was thinking about this thing with Red,” he blurted out, voice low.

A flicker of worry on He Tian’s otherwise serene expression, those dark eyes fixing on him, studying him. “You didn’t like him on stage?”

Jian Yi barked a laugh and gave his friend a playful shove. “What? No! He was amazing!”

He Tian let himself be pushed, leaning against a cold brick wall. They could still hear the echo of the crowd slowly making their way outside and staff calling to one another as they packed up and cleared their equipment. They’d had to be on the bus again within an hour and headed to the next city.

“Then what?” He Tian asked, voice low now, still sedated with contentment but bracing for something unpleasant.

Jian Yi chewed the inside of his lip, wondering if he should even bring it up.

“Yi…”

“Xixi has a thing for him too,” he blurted. Maybe that wasn’t the best place to start? By the way He Tian’s gaze sharpened in that far away, sinister way of his, it definitely hadn’t been. “And I think I like Xixi…”

He Tian blinked. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Jian Yi sighed like He Tian was being the difficult one. “I like both of them. And I kind of told Xi on the bus the other day that you and me were interested in Red and maybe we’d be interested in him too…” He tried to say it all as fast as possible, a trick he’d been pulling since he was a kid that never really worked. The faster he said something never meant that He Tian would miss any details or overlook any bit of it.

He Tian stayed very still, still leaned against the wall and staring at him. “You didn’t,” he tried to call a bluff he knew wasn’t—because he knew Jian Yi well enough to know this was exactly something he would do.

“You’re not interested in Xixi?”

“I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Liar! You think about fucking everyone.”

“Thinking about fucking someone isn’t the same as thinking about being with someone,” He Tian hissed, pushing off the wall and walking toward their dressing room.

“Well, think about it!” Jian Yi yelled after him, before remembering he was going that way too and following.

* * *

Zhengxi followed Red into the dressing room, glancing back when he realized the other two hadn’t followed them and catching a glimpse of them making out in the otherwise empty hallway. He smiled a little and went into the room, leaving them to their stolen moment.

Red seemed to tense when he realized it was just the two of them—it hadn’t been just the two of them since he got on the tour bus. It hadn’t been just the two of them since that time in the alleyway behind the club a year ago.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Red mumbled, peeling off his hoodie and sitting long enough to pull at the laces of his sneakers. “I’m showering first.”

Zhengxi smiled, just a little and mostly to himself. “It’s a big shower. We could share…”

Red shot him a look that was dangerously close to a scowl. He glanced at the door once, seeing that no one was coming in just yet. “Just because we fucked once doesn’t mean…” Red’s teeth clicked, not even able to put it into words. “If you joined this band because you thought—”

“You think I joined 19 Days because I thought you’d be an easy piece of ass?” Zhengxi cut in, monotone despite that blow to his guts. Did Red think he was a fucking monster?

Red shot to his feet, hands balled into fists like they were about to come to blows.

Zhengxi laughed at him. He didn’t mean to—it probably made him sound like an asshole—but he couldn’t imagine ever hitting this guy. And he had imagined doing an awful lot of things to Red—with Red.

“Fuck you!” Red yelled.

Zhengxi laughed harder, waving a hand in weak apology because he didn’t mean to make it worse but the words he chose! Zhengxi totally wanted to fuck this guy, but not like Red was imagining. He wanted more than that. And Red was just so raw and angry he couldn’t see straight. He’d gone about everything so wrong but had no idea how to do it any better. All he could do now, was leave him the fuck alone and see if he ever came around on his own. Leaving him alone might be hard on a tour though. At least that meant Red would have to see him every day. Zhengxi wasn’t conceited but he wasn’t self-deprecating either.

He stood up, rubbing laughing tears from his eyes and about to try apologizing when knuckles slammed against his cheek, turning and throwing him back into the wall. His fingers twitched but he didn’t ball them into fists, rolling off the wall and rubbing his cheek instead. The door had opened either before a during that punch and He Tian stood there, glaring at the scene.

Red looked between them, tears in his eyes, and then swore under his breath and bolted past He Tian and Jian Yi and out the door.

Jian Yi gave He Tian’s chest a quick shove. “Make sure he gets to the bus,” he said quickly. “I’m not leaving him behind.”

He Tian hesitated only for a second, glare still fixed on Zhengxi before he finally left the room.

Zhengxi groaned and rubbed both hands over his face. How had this gone to shit so fast? Oh yeah, he asked Red if he wanted to shower with him. He Tian had looked really angry. Jian Yi had warned him that they were flirting with the idea of Red too. How would he have felt if he’d walked in on Red punching He Tian? Suspicious of He Tian.

Jian Yi peeled off his sweat damp tank top and tossed it on a pile near the door, kicking off his boots. “What did you do?” he asked casually.

Zhengxi took his hands from his face to look at the other man, watching him wiggle out of his ripped jeans. “I think I offended him. It was my fault.”

Jian Yi was naked, pale and slender with a handful of tattoos. He carried himself the same as when he was dressed, like it made no difference or like they’d done this a thousand times. He had seen him naked on the bus already. Jian Yi wasn’t exactly shy. He pulled at his hair tie. “Shower’s big enough for two if you want to keep talking. Time’s wasting.” He said and then disappeared into the bathroom.

Zhengxi huffed an almost laugh—now going to be a lot more careful with laughing. He pulled off his shirt and hesitated in the doorway, the shower water turning on in the large gym-style showers. He hesitated because he remembered how angry He Tian had looked at him earlier. Would it be worse if he came back and found him showering with his…whatever the fuck Jian Yi and He Tian were? But Jian Yi had said they weren’t exclusive and it wasn’t like being invited to join in a quick shower was an invitation for anything else.

He groaned, too tired for this shit, and stripped down. He needed to shower. Wanted to sleep when he got on the bus. “You know, I asked Red if I could shower with him and got hit for it…” Not exactly how it happened but close.

Jian Yi laughed, it echoed off tile. “Are you going to hit _me_ for asking?”

Zhengxi walked into the steam and tiles, for a second watching Jian Yi before turning to another shower head and flipping it on. “No,” he answered even though he didn’t think it was necessary. He was already here, wasn’t he?

“Was that all that happened?” Jian Yi asked.

Zhengxi put his head under the spray and tried not to imagine Jian Yi behind him, naked. He pulled his head back out and pushed his wet hair out of his face. “Are you asking as my bandmate or as my romantic rival?” He smiled when he said it. He’d never had a romantic rival before.

When Jian Yi didn’t answer he turned to look back at him, surprised to find the pale blond leaning against the wall right behind him, watching with those wheat colored eyes. “Does that mean you’ve decided you’re only interested in Red?”

Zhengxi was impressed how casual Jian Yi could sound—like he didn’t mind either way. But he saw that he did. He saw the flicker of disappointment and maybe even hurt in his eyes. He hadn’t expected to see it. Jian Yi carried himself like everything was wonderful and nothing could ever hurt him. And in the days of driving in that bus, he’d been nothing but lighthearted and kind and upbeat. He made long days on a tour bus go fast. And he made it all look easy.

“No. I don’t know,” Zhengxi admitted. He wouldn’t usually admit something like that, but Jian Yi had been so honest with him so far that anything less would feel wrong now. “I didn’t join 19 Days because I thought I’d have a thing with him… I didn’t even consider joining until we had lunch and it just seemed… right.” He winced a little at how flimsy that sounded. “And yeah, I wanted to be around Red more. But I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t have a plan. I’ve only had a couple relationships that lasted longer than a night and they weren’t with more than one person.”

Jian Yi nodded slowly, like he was considering something. Zhengxi waited for what he’d do or say next and was shocked when he somehow did the only thing he hadn’t been prepared for. He took a step back. “It’s okay,” Jian Yi promised and then put on a smile. Zhengxi knew it was just something he’d put on too, like he’d known him for years and not days. It was beautiful as always but it didn’t reach his eyes. “But don’t think I’ll give up Red without a fight.”

Zhengxi blinked, confused, but then Jian Yi was gone—back out of the shower and into the dressing room. He stood there, dumbfounded for another second before his brain could catch up. Jian Yi had just accepted defeat and let him know, in a rather friendly way, that they were still love rivals—even if they weren’t love interests. Zhengxi was surprised how his stomach dropped at the thought of a decision being made—a definite no between them.

He turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, hurriedly drying off and walking back into the dressing room. Jian Yi was in a pair of bright blue briefs with a yellow pineapple print and fishing a pair of joggers out of his duffle bag.

“Jian Yi,” Zhengxi said, towel wrapped around his waist.

The blond straightened, joggers in hand and expression so perfectly innocent—almost dumb. He had mastered that look, Xi had realized it before they’d even met. He liked to look like he wasn’t aware of what was going on. Zhengxi had thought it was for his own amusement but now he realized it was for his own protection too. He couldn’t be hurt if he pretended not to know.

Zhengxi grabbed Jian Yi’s arm and pulled him a step closer, leaning in to meet him with a kiss. Their first kiss. He hadn’t planned it or even thought it out, he just couldn’t let it end. Jian Yi must have been surprised because for a second he was frozen, and then his mind and body caught up and his mouth opened. They kissed until Jian Yi slid his hand down Zhengxi’s hip and pulled his towel off his hips.

Zhengxi broke the kiss, one hand to Jian Yi’s chest when he stepped back—to keep that space between them. He smiled, lips swollen. “No offense, but I’m still not 100% sure you’re not dating-dating He Tian and I’ve already been punched once tonight.”

Jian Yi grinned, still holding his towel. “Then why’d you kiss me?”

“It was a good-faith kiss,” Zhengxi said, a little proud of himself for coming up with that on the fly. He took another step back and then another, and then finally ripping his gaze from Jian Yi to get dressed himself.

“So…” Jian Yi said, having dropped the towel and pulled on his joggers, stuffing dirty clothes into another bag now. “If you hear from He Tian that this isn’t cheating…?”

Zhengxi bit his lip to keep from smiling, pulling on his own softer clothes and cramming his dirty ones into his backpack. He liked that eager note in Jian Yi’s voice.

* * *

Red ran down the hallway, turning and turning and running where? Fuck! Why did he always mess shit up? A part of his brain told him to go back, apologize or just act like he wasn’t a total basket case, but his body wasn’t listening—still hellbent on escape.

He pushed open a door, walking up and incline and into the cold air of the night. For a breath he was relieved, finally outside. And then he realized he was being absorbed by a crowd, grabbing at him and taking his picture and asking questions he couldn’t make out. He reached up subconsciously for his hood but he wasn’t even wearing his hoodie. He tried to turn back but he couldn’t. He could see the tour bus on the street, on the other side of the crowd, but he couldn’t get forward either. They were all too loud and he couldn’t even make out any of their questions. Something about She Li. Something about the rumors about his drug use.

And then he heard He Tian’s dark, laughing voice just say, “Nope,” somewhere behind him. Right behind him. Hands turned him around and before Red could make out what was happening, He Tian had leaned over and tossed Red up over his shoulder, carrying him through the crowd. He shouted pleasant things like, “Gotta get him on the bus! We’re going to be late and Jian Yi says if I forget this one, he’ll make us turn back around.”

He heard the bus door whoosh open, He Tian going up the stairs with him over his shoulder like it was the easiest thing in the world and then the doors closed and he was put back down—this time sitting on one of the couches along the interior walls of the bus. Red blinked at the quiet inside. He Tian sat down across from him. “Are you okay?”

His voice had changed. It wasn’t the light one he’d used outside. But he didn’t sound angry either.

“I’m sorry. It was my fault. I don’t think he meant to… He was laughing and I lost my temper…” The more he tried to remember why the worse he felt. He’d assumed Zhengxi was trying to get into his pants and yelled at him and then… hit him for laughing about it? Fuck. He groaned and dropped his face into his hands. Everything had been going so well. He hadn’t felt as good as he had on that stage tonight in years—possibly ever in his life. And then he’d messed it up.

“You’re sure that’s it?” He Tian asked.

Red looked up, surprised because something about his tone said he’d believe whatever Red said right now. He’d be on his side. Why? “Yeah. I’ll apologize when he gets here.” He felt like an idiot, but if he was wrong, he’d say so.

He Tian watched him for another few seconds before nodding and visibly relaxing, sinking back against the couch.

Red stared at him a little longer, when his eyes were closed. He had been ready to back him on whatever had happened. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had been on his side like that. But hadn’t He Tian been on his side since the day he came bursting into Manager Yu’s office? “Thank you,” he blurted out.

He Tian’s eyes opened, surprise clear on his face. “For what?”

Red blushed and looked away, shrugging once. “For helping me outside,” he said, anything grasping for something tangible. “When I was stuck in the crowd.”

He Tian didn’t say anything at first and Red worried he’d call him on his blush. But he didn’t. “We could make a habit out of it. I can carry you to the bus after every concert. Or we could take turns. Fans would probably get a kick out of it.”

Red sighed, relieved he’d played along. They were quiet for a while, both zoning out.

“It was perfect, wasn’t it?” He Tian said, voice hazy and when Red looked at him again he realized the man was almost asleep, head leaned back and eyes closed and the smallest smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Red hadn’t fallen for him before that moment—not when he rescued him from a creepy manager or talked him into joining the band or even when he saved him from a mob and carried him into the bus. He’d almost fallen when he realized He Tian was on his side—had always been on his side—but he did fall when he saw that smile. _Fuck._ His heart throbbed in his chest like it was the first time—like he’d never heard it before. _Fuck._

He got up and for one mad moment, he almost took that step between them, leaned over and kissed the lead singer. Almost. It was enough to make him dizzy. Instead he turned and went to back of the tour bus, grabbed a towel and closed himself up in the bathroom to shower.

* * *

He Tian sat there after Red had fled—because that’s exactly what the bassist did, he fled. But he’d been blushing when he did it so He Tian hoped it was a good sign and not a bad one. The bus door opened and closed and He Tian opened his eyes. He was expecting Jian Yi, but who he got was the drummer.

Zhengxi was newly showered and carrying a backpack. He hesitated on one end of the little living room, meeting He Tian’s gaze for a long second like they might be enemies now. And then he tossed him a nod and walked by, throwing his bag into the back with the rest of their things.

“Where’s Ji?” He Tian asked. Not that Jian Yi couldn’t handle a crowd. There were a few security guards still out there so no one would run off with him. Someone had tried once—to just pick him up and walk off.

The engine of the bus started up and soon they were pulling away from the sidewalk. He Tian leaned forward, about to jump to his feet and go to the front to stop the driver.

“He’s up there,” Xi said, sitting on one end of the couch. “He’s directing the driver to some fast food place or convenient store or something.”

He Tian leaned back, nodding. That made sense. He took his phone out and flipped through Jian Yi’s Instagram. Sure enough, his latest post was a selfie with the driver. No one could post as fast as Jian Yi.

He looked over at Zhengxi. When he’d walked in on Red punching Zhengxi he’d noticed how Xi never even curled his fist. Was he just not a violent person or couldn’t think of hitting Red? Jian Yi had said he was interested in the bassist.

Zhengxi made a point of looking out the tinted window at the flicker of car lights they passed, like he didn’t feel He Tian looking him over. So He Tian took his time. Trying to decide what he thought of Zhengxi. He had liked him fine an hour ago. He was a great drummer and professional. He was quiet but Jian Yi got along well with him and he was easy to live with on the bus. He’d thought they would become friends eventually. Now he was trying to decide if he wanted to be more. If he could be more.

His gaze landed on Zhengxi’s hand again, remembering how it flexed but didn’t curl. “What happened with you and Red?” he asked.

Zhengxi glanced at him and then down the length of the tour bus toward the shower and the sound of running water. He paused, like he might not answer. “It was my fault. I think he thought I was teasing him or maybe I just offended him. I’ll make it right.”

He Tian almost smiled. They had almost the same answer, the same regret and intent to resolve the problem. That boded well for the group. “And before that? Before you joined us?”

Zhengxi stared at him for a second and then his jaw ticked and he looked away, stubbornly back out the dark window.

He wouldn’t answer. Either because it was something bad or because it just wasn’t He Tian’s business. It’s not like they knew each other well yet. He could understand that. And while he looked away, it gave He Tian longer to watch him, to consider the shape of his mouth and the length of his neck and… Yeah. He was interested in Zhengxi physically. The drummer had been direct with them since the beginning, proud and firm. He’d made it clear he wouldn’t work with Manager Yu and then he’d added that bit about joining 19 Days only if they signed Red. Because he was worried about Red? Or because he wanted to get closer to him? Would either answer be bad? No.

Zhengxi took a breath and then huffed it out. A sign that he was going to say something without being prompted—something he didn’t exactly like saying. He Tian held back a smile.

“You and Jian Yi,” Xi said, glancing away from the window to meet He Tian’s gaze. “How long have you been together?”

He Tian’s eyebrow lifted, pretty sure that can’t really be the question Xi wanted to ask. “We grew up together. Dated a few times but it never lasts long. We always stay friends though.”

Zhengxi nodded once. “And right now, you’re together?”

“Yes,” He Tian answered, considering being cruel and leaving it at that but changing his mind when he saw the tension in Xi. Had Jian Yi made a move on him? Would he feel guilty if he left it at that? Think he’d screwed around with his bandmate’s boyfriend? For some reason he didn’t want to leave Zhengxi feeling like that. “But it’s not an exclusive thing.”

The bus stopped.

The shower turned off.

He Tian’s phone rang and he answered it, Jian Yi on the other end asking what he wanted from convenient store. He Tian passed the question along to Zhengxi like they hadn’t just been talking about his relationship status or his history with Red—like everything was normal. Maybe this was normal?

* * *

Zhengxi was relieved had wasn’t involved in a love triangle. That would have been a nightmare. Now he was back to his very confusing reality. Was he really flirting with two of his bandmates and considering the third? He didn’t look He Tian over the way he knew He Tian was studying him, but he didn’t hate being watching that intensely either.

The bathroom door opened, Red and a small cloud of steam escaping.

The bassist lingered in the back long enough to pull a hoodie on, hood up, before he came closer to the sitting area, He Tian still on the phone arguing food with Jian Yi. He hesitated and it hurt Zhengxi’s heart a little. Red ended up on the outside just because he didn’t know what to do sometimes. Jian Yi had been the one to keep him involved, engaging him in conversation or dragging him along. Without him in the room, Red didn’t seem to know what to do. Zhengxi suspected if he didn’t do anything, with He Tian still on the phone, Red would sink away and go to bed or at least disappear into his bunk. The idea of that hurt even more than seeing him hesitate there.

Zhengxi stood up and took the couple of steps toward him, going to the little fridge to pull out a bottle of water.

Red took a step back and before Zhengxi could say anything, Red said, “I’m sorry about before,” in a low mutter.

Zhengxi froze, staring at him. No, he had meant to apologize. Red looked at a spot on the floor. Nonono. “No. It was my fault. I didn’t mean to be an asshole,” he said quickly, voice low for some sense of privacy—ignoring that He Tian could easily overhear them if he was trying to. “I laughed because the whole conversation went to shit so horribly. And I definitely don’t want you to think I expect anything from you just because…” he left off there, because he wasn’t sure Red wanted their bandmates to know they’d slept together. That was the only reason he wouldn’t confirm it or talk about it. He certainly wasn’t ashamed of it. Red was blushing, gaze flicking up from the floor to Zhengxi twice, maybe to see if he was bullshitting. Something about those sharp, red eyes suggested he’d be able to see it if he was—would read all the lies right on his face.

“But I shouldn’t have hit you,” Red mumbled.

Xi shrugged once and then grabbed the water he’d been going after, taking a second and holding it out to the bassist as a peace offering. “Restart?”

Red looked at it and then took it with a quick nod. “Restart.”

Soon the bus door was opening, the engine humming again and Jian Yi climbing on with three bulging bags of fried meats and junk food. He dumped all of it on the little kitchen table.

He Tian excused himself to shower while Jian Yi herded his other two bandmates to the table to check out his bounty and eat a dinner that was closer to breakfast time.

Red slid into the booth and Jian Yi took the seat beside him, closing him in maybe? Zhengxi sat across from them, unable not to smile at how Jian Yi healed whatever awkward had been left in the room. He pulled food container after food container from the bags, all the while talking and easing them into a state of normalcy again. Jian Yi used that stupid act of his for more than hiding and getting away with shit—he also used it to let his friends forget their fuckups, their damage, and their fears. He pretended not to see any of it and Zhengxi realized then that Jian Yi might see them all the best. And for some reason it wasn’t unnerving—it was the most reassuring thing he’d felt in a long time. Someone had a plan—someone was watching over their weird messy tangle of romantic intentions. The only thing that shocked him, was that he trusted Jian Yi now.


	5. Interviews and Elevators

Red lay awake in the pitch-black tour bus. The whoosh of the cars they passed on the freeway and the hum of the engine was usually enough to put him to sleep but not tonight. They’d been on tour for a couple weeks now and he loved it. He loved playing and the rush of concerts. And he found, for the first time in his life, he loved his band. Every day he waited for the other boot to drop—for He Tian to turn on him, for Zhengxi to bring up their one-night stand or try to blackmail him with the information, or for the band to argue and fight.

But none of that had happened. They talked music and tour plans and they fit so perfectly on stage. Jian Yi had made it his personal mission to handle their social media, snapping behind-the-scenes pictures and selfies. At first he had been uncomfortable with his picture being taken. It had been years since his bare face was in a picture.

And after their first performance, a new manager had showed up with a new contract. Somehow, He Tian’s brother had nullified whatever contract the band had had with its previous company. The woman that was waiting for them in the next city had been Manager Hana and she was a no-nonsense, straight to the point, get shit done sort of person. It worked out fine, though she refused to be in any of Jian Yi’s selfies.

Fabric shifted, Jian Yi moving in his bunk. In the dark he could make out the sound of the other man sliding out of his bunk and landing on his bare feet on the floor. He expected him to walk to the bathroom but he didn’t. More fabric shifting and the soft hum of He Tian’s deep voice when he woke up to Jian Yi climbing into his bunk.

“They’re asleep,” Jian Yi whispered.

Red almost held his breath, eyes suddenly open in the dark. No. No way.

Their whispers were so low for a few seconds that he couldn’t make out what they were saying and then they went quiet but for the shifting of fabric and then the oh-so quiet motion of something moving back and forth.

Red did hold his breath then. He could not be hearing this right. Oh, he knew the two were probably banging every chance they got, but not in front of them—not where he could _hear_ them!

He Tian hummed again, low like he was trying to swallow the sound. And then he exhaled hard and after a second Red knew why—the sounds were wet now. Was Jian Yi blowing him?

Red closed his eyes and told himself to stop listening and definitely stop trying to imagine it. He could cough or something, so they knew he was awake, but then what? That would be embarrassing. And they would stop, and maybe he didn’t want them to stop? Not really. Fuck!

Jian Yi was making sucking sounds and Red could image his head moving up and down, mouth wrapped around He Tian’s hard sex. He wanted to move, to throw his arms over his face or squirm because his own cock was hard and he couldn’t do _anything_ but listen to those two assholes. And he wanted to do something, didn’t he? That was the most alarming part of all of this.

He Tian’s breath caught and Mo was sure he heard him covering his own mouth, trying to smother himself while Jian Yi went down on him in the dark.

Fuck. Red bit hard at his lip, teeth scraping the black metal ring unintentionally. It made the smallest click and suddenly the dark went completely silent. Everyone holding their breaths and no one moving. Red’s heart pounded in his temples.

The other two shifted around and soon one was out of the bed.

Red held his breath until his lung were burning.

The light of the bathroom came on, blindingly bright, and Red closed his eyes._ Pretend to be asleep. Be asleep. You didn’t hear shit. You’re not a creepy pervert getting turned on listening to your bandmates._

Jian Yi disappeared into the bathroom, was gone for a while and then went to bed. He Tian went in after him and then the lights were out again and they were all back to sleeping.

Red exhaled, turned toward the wall and curled up, refusing to go to the bathroom and deal with his hard on—refusing to admit in any way that he had been listening. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

They were staying in the same city for three concerts, which meant they got to get out of the tour bus for a few nights and stay at a hotel—but it also meant they had to make appearances at some clubs and do interviews. They were running late at the concert venue going over the set up. Jian Yi and Zhengxi went on ahead to an interview at the club and He Tian and Red were supposed to catch up.

Supposed to.

It didn’t exactly go as planned.

They had gone into a service elevator just when a group of staff came around the corner with a crate of bins that had to go downstairs too. It fit—but just barely. And Red found himself practically nose to nose with He Tian, a bunch of metal crates against his ass.

He Tian managed not to smile but he could tell he thought it was funny. The elevator was shaky and Red curled his sleeves into his fists to keep from grabbing onto the other guy for stability, trying to will himself not to bump into him with only a few centimeters of space.

And then the whole elevator jumped and that almost smile on He Tian’s lips vanished, his dark eyes glancing around. The elevator jerked to a stop and the lights went out. For a second they were silent and then another set of lights came on, dimmer. They stared at each other.

“What the fuck?” Red asked first, twisting around and having to practically rub against the other guy to manage it, his hips now pushed against the crates so he could stare at the door and the panel of blinking lights along the side.

“Don’t freak out,” He Tian said calmly.

Red tsked at him. “I’m not!” he snapped. He liked snapping. He hadn’t been able to do it as regularly in his life until now. Normally there were repercussions for being an asshole, but it seemed his new band thought it was funny. No one ever hit him for it, that was for sure. “Hello?” he shouted. It echoed.

He Tian sighed noticeably behind him. “I said not to freak out… There were a bunch of people heading down on the other lift for this stuff, they’ll notice when we’re stuck.”

Red chewed his lip and nodded but didn’t say anything.

They waited long minutes, until Red became unbearably aware of He Tian’s hips against his ass.

“This might get us out of that interview,” He Tian pointed out, always so calm and collected.

Red had to fight every impulse to move. He couldn’t bounce or squirm or he would be _rubbing_ against this guy.

“Are you claustrophobic?”

Red hissed and pulled his hood up over his head and forehead. “Shut up.”

“Are you really?” He Tian sounded surprised and maybe a little worried.

“No. I just want to get out of here.”

He Tian shifted, trying to lean against the wall. It pushed his hips forward into Red’s ass more. Red swallowed hard, grateful to be facing away from him. In the back of his head he had the reel of sounds from last night, listening to Jian Yi blow He Tian.

“Do you want to talk to distract yourself?”

“I don’t need to be distracted. I’m not claustrophobic,” Red ground out.

“Sure. You’re super calm,” He Tian replied, deadpan, but Red was sure he was smirking.

“Shut up.” Red grabbed his phone from the pocket of his hoodie and texted Jian Yi to let him know they were stuck in the elevator only to realize he had no service in here.

A thunking came from overhead, someone banging around in the elevator shaft maybe? “Hey, can you hear me?” someone called down.

“Yeah,” they both answered.

“Sorry about this. It’ll be a while.”

“How long is ‘a while’?” He Tian asked.

“At least a half hour,” the guy shouted back and then there were other voice, impossible to make out at their normal volume.

* * *

Jian Yi glanced at his phone again. No answer from He Tian and they still weren’t here. Had they blown off the interview? He Tian was usually too professional for that but he was with Red and Jian Yi could totally see him doing just about anything if he got him more time alone with Red.

He and Zhengxi were doing great answering questions though. Jian Yi had always been great at interviews. Most of the questions these days revolved around their new group and how the dynamic was going. Zhengxi was usually quiet, a man of few words when possible and especially with strangers, but he tried for interviews. It was kind of hilarious for Jian Yi. He knew Xixi was trying to talk more, but it was still clipped compared to anyone else. Luckily. Ji could do most of the babbling and, together, they made great sound clips.

When the interviewer finally thanked them and slipped away, leaving them alone on the couch in the backroom of the club to wait for the next reviewer, Xixi grabbed a bottle of water off the table. “Still haven’t heard from them?”

Jian Yi shook his head and flung himself back into the couch, tossing his legs over Zhengxi’s lap. Xi grabbed his thigh automatically, tipping the water and drinking half the bottle. They hadn’t gotten much farther than kissing, but Jian Yi liked how casual Xi was about letting him flail over him, like it was normal and maybe it was now.

“How many more interviews?”

“One more and then we’re heading into the club,” Jian Yi said.

Zhengxi nodded, a flash of relief.

Jian Yi smiled at him. “You’re doing great. Didn’t you interview with your old band?”

“Sure. But no one asked me this many questions.”

Jian Yi thought about that and then shrugged. “Well, they do now.” Every interviewer had asked Zhengxi how he felt coming into an already existing band. How the chemistry was with the new members. If his old band had bad feelings and if what he thought of the drummer that had replaced him. And, of course, how he felt about the scandal that broke up the original 19 Days—Jian Yi and He Tian caught making out at a club and their homophobic ex-bassist attacking Jian Yi.

Jian Yi was careful to avoid any questions about himself and He Tian’s relationship being more than friends. He smiled every time, shrugged and changed the subject—neither a yes or a no. Explaining it all might be too much, especially since he had hopes of turning the whole band into a romantic knot.

“You’re doing great. I mean, you can’t top any of the scandals I’ve caused,” Jian Yi half-joked.

“Your scandals all seem to work out great,” Xi said with a shrug. “Your fans like it.”

Jian Yi smiled, he really did like his fans. He replied to most comments and posted daily what they were up to with pictures. Most of their fanbase was super supportive, but he noticed some less than positive comments about Red—mostly from She Li’s fans. A lot of those comments were masked as worried fans—worried about all the rumors about Red and him being a bad influence on 19 Days. It was an interesting contrast to the reactions to Zheng Xi. Fans of his former band were either positive or didn’t seem to care, 19 Days fans ready to embrace him into the group—helped by Jian Yi’s photos of the drummer. It seemed no one had ever really known much about him before.

He did get weird messages from one guy though, and only on pictures of Xi. They were always written weird, like the guy was talking directly to Xi even though it was Jian Yi’s account. It wasn’t so weird at first, just stuff like “that’s my favorite shirt on you,” or “I saw you at the concert” or “you’re looking tired, you have to take better care of yourself.” Never any hearts like the others but at least one comment on every single picture with Xi. And then it was stuff like, “You look sad. You should let me make you happy,” and “I know you’re not happy in this new group. Don’t let them corrupt you.” And the account was nothing personal. No pictures or messages. Just a name and those endless Xi comments.

“How come you don’t have any social media?” Jian Yi asked before even realizing he was thinking about it.

Xi took a drink of water, pausing with the bottle in hand, surprised.

“I mean, it would probably help the fans get to know you.”

Xi shrugged. “Why?”

Jian Yi nodded rather than answering, as soon as he suggested it—he regretted it. Not because it was wrong, but because he knew that weirdo would be all over any account Xixi made and that wasn’t what Jian Yi wanted at all. “Forget it.” He grinned. “You wouldn’t be any good at it. I’ll let the fans meet your through me.”

Xi raised an eyebrow, still holding the water bottle and looking perfectly unimpressed.

“Oh! Hold that!” Jian Yi grabbed his phone off the table and snapped a picture of the drummer just before their next reporter came in.

* * *

He Tian remained still, back to the wall, watching the hooded man in front of him. Red was breathing fast, shoulders twitchy and every so often he shifted like he might be able to move this time, hips bumping the crates in front of him. He was obviously uncomfortable. Maybe he really was claustrophobic?

“You’d have more room if you got up on the crates,” He Tian said.

Red stilled in front of him, maybe thinking about it?

“Turn around. I’ll lift you up.”

Red didn’t move and this time He Tian heard his teeth clicking on the piercing in his lip. Was he chewing his lip? He did that when he was thinking—they’d all noticed. “I’m fine,” he said instead of turning.

He Tian smirked because the bassist couldn’t see and take offense. “Turn the fuck around, man. You can stretch out up there if you want.”

“I’ll be fine here. It can’t be that much longer,” but when he said it the words strained, like talking about it was adding to whatever anxiety he had building.

“You’re like a cat,” He Tian remarked.

“What?” Red snapped, voice louder and echoing in the elevator.

“You’re moody, man,” He Tian pointed out. Honestly, as much as he enjoyed having Red wedged between him and the crates for the first ten minutes, it was becoming torture. Not touching him—not leaning his hips forward to rub against that round ass—was grating He Tian’s nerves. “You either won’t admit you’re freaked out or you just won’t admit you need my help to get up there. So, you’d rather just suffer.”

Red’s teeth clicked on his lip ring again. “Fuck you,” he snapped, head turned to the side to look back at him from the corner of his eye. Why were his cheeks red? Was he warm in that hoodie? No. It wasn’t that hot in here.

“Just turn around,” He Tian said, making it sound like a dare.

“No,” Red said, and it sounded small—not frightened but…embarrassed?

He Tian put his hands to the crate on either side of Red and leaned over him, mouth close to his ear with only that thin hoodie between them. “Red…” he whispered darkly. He felt the bassist shudder and it took all of his resolve not to push his hips forward and grind himself against that ass. But he couldn’t be sure why Red was blushing—why he sounded so small—why he shook. What if he was reading him wrong? “Are you scared?” he asked again.

Red hissed at him. “No!”

He Tian smiled wide, fingers pressing at the crates to keep from touching the man in front of him. “Are you turned on?”

Red held his breath, body impossibly tense in front of He Tian.

The singer bit back a laugh. “Red…” he said his name again because he like the way it sent a tremor through the redhead. “Is the reason you won’t turn around, because you’re hard?”

His teeth clicked against his lip ring again and He Tian was the one that twitched at that.

“I’m not going to touch you, unless you turn around,” He Tian said very low but very clearly.

Red stayed still for another long second and then his breath shuddered out of him. “Y-You and Jian Yi…”

“Jian Yi and I have an open relationship.” It was more complicated than that but that was easier than saying they were like friends with benefits but a thousand times deeper. “You know that. You’ve seen him at clubs with other people…”

“He flirts. That doesn’t mean—”

“We’ve talked about you,” He Tian interrupted, still curled over Red and talking against his hoodie. “He’s been flirting with you for weeks but you keep thinking that’s all it is… That’s the problem with Jian Yi’s style—it leaves a lot for the other person to guess at.” He could hear Red breathing, taking shallow, quick breaths. “But I’m not going to leave you wondering if I mean it or not. If you turn around, I’ll make you cum, right here in this elevator.”

Red exhaled hard. “Fuck…” the word slipped out like he hadn’t even realized it had escaped his brain and He Tian loved it.

“But you don’t have to turn around…” he reminded, almost mocking. “You could just stay there, rubbing that hard on against the metal crate, and waiting for the elevator to be fixed. And then we’ll walk over to that club, do the last interviews, before you can sneak off to the bathroom and jerk—”

Red turned around, his cheeks red but his gaze stern. There was no fear there, only a lot of want and a little uncertainty. When he turned, his hard on rubbed against He Tian’s thigh, making both of their breaths hitch in their chests. For a second He Tian stared, honestly shocked that he’d turned around. A part of him had been sure Red would never make a move. And then He Tian reached up, pushing that hood back and hooking his hand behind the redhead’s neck, tipping his head up and kissing him deep. He tasted like orange juice. He kissed back and it sent heat through He Tian’s body, his other hand on the man’s hip, fingers sliding under the hem of his shirt to touch smooth skin.

He rubbed his thigh against the shorter man’s hard on, drinking in the moan it drove up into their kiss. He wanted to drag all of this out but he’d made a promise and he had no idea how much time they had before the elevator started moving again. He Tian reached down, grabbing Red’s thighs and lifted him. The redhead’s eyes flared, surprised and for a moment tense like he might put a stop to whatever the fuck was about to happen, but then the moment passed and he waited for it instead. He Tian put him down on top of the crates, fingers hooking into the elastic of Red’s joggers, tugging them down around his thighs and freeing his sex.

“Shit…” Red exhaled, looking around like suddenly there would be someone else in there with them. Sounds strangled in his throat when He Tian touched him, pumping a few times before locking eyes with him and leaning forward. Red’s breath caught, eyes wide, but he didn’t look away when He Tian went down on him, blowing him right there in the elevator. He sucked, paying attention to the redhead’s sounds to figure out how he liked it—fast and hard. His hands twitched against the lid of the crate, beside his thighs, not knowing where to go or what to do. He Tian swallowed around him, head bobbing. Red’s hands started to curl into fists, short black-painted nails digging into his palms—into those perfect crescent scars. He Tian caught his hands thumbs pressing into his palms to keep them safe from his nails. Red let out a strained sound, like this act was keeping him from some comfort he needed, but He Tian kept sucking. He lifted one of those pale hands and put it in his hair, letting the other man curl his fist in the dark strands instead.

Red made another guttural sound, hand tugging at He Tian’s hair as though to pull him off his cock. “I’m….” he tried, body soon spasming. He Tian swallowed when he came, despite his polite warnings, and reveling in the feel of Red’s hand squeezing his, hanging on even when He Tian stood upright, letting his sex out of his mouth with a pop.

Red shook, dazed and satisfied for one beautiful moment before shock and shame poured in. He let go of He Tian’s hand and grabbed at his pants, pulling them back up just before the elevator lights flickered and the metal box started a slow descent. “Y-You didn’t have to… swallow…” he said in a quiet voice, pulling his hood back up over his face.

He Tian leaned back against the wall, thumbing cum from the corner of his mouth and sucking it off, loving the way Red’s eyes were glued to him now. “Might have been embarrassing for you to explain anything else… And, anyway, I missed breakfast.” He grinned.

A smile twitched in the corner of Red’s mouth and he looked away quickly, like he could hide it—like he needed to. “Just because you did that doesn’t mean—”

“Doesn’t mean you want to skip the club and go back to the tour bus and fuck each other’s brains out?”

Red’s head jerked back to his direction and it was worth saying shit like that if he got those eyes on him for another second. The redhead studied him, maybe looking for a bluff or a threat? And then that almost smile quirked in the corner of his mouth again, a little mischief there that for a second had He Tian’s heart leaping—wondering if he’d actually take him up on the suggestion.

The elevator doors opened and at least twenty people were in the hall waiting for them, including their new manager and a paramedic, just in case.

“You missed the interviews!” their manager snapped, as though they’d done it on purpose.

Red slid across the crates and climbed out first.

He Tian suspected he’d take off and was more than a little surprised to find him waiting in the lobby for him after he got out behind the crates. “Bus or club?” he asked with a barely contained grin, the taste of the redhead still in his mouth.

Red glanced up at him on their way out the front door, as though really considering it. “Club. For now.”

He Tian grinned and grabbed the door, holding it for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as we all know by now, I update sporadically, but I love LOVE this story (and my other ones) and have no plans to abandon them. I'm slow, but not gone. Thank you so much to everyone that takes the time to comment and has stuck with this! You guys are the best! <3


	6. Bar Fight

The interviews were over by the time He Tian and Red showed up at the club, but a few stuck around to get the story of the guys stuck in an elevator—assured by the manager that it was all true and they could call the building and ask about it if they really thought the group was making it up. Of course, they left out the details about the blowjob.

As soon as they were released from their interviewing obligations, Jian Yi caught Red’s hand and dragged him out onto the dance floor. Jian Yi had a habit of losing track of time and without realizing it, they’d spent hours out there, dancing and occasionally taking over the stage to play with the guitars and eventually, Jian Yi found himself leaning against a wall talking to a very tall man about the best guitarists of all time—one of his favorite topics.

He Tian had slipped away to get another bottle of water and Red and Zhengxi were on a couch through the corner of the crowded dancefloor—along a wall papered in vinyls. Jian Yi distracted himself when he spotted them there, sitting next to each other but not on top of each other—like Jian Yi would have—but they were talking. For some reason it warmed his heart. They could both be so quiet and withdrawn. It had become Jian Yi’s personal mission to bring out their personalities for the fans and for them.

A large hand grabbed his hip, bringing Jian Yi’s attention back to the guy he was talking to. He did his doe-eyed face and slow blink, like he was drunk when he wasn’t. The guy pulled at his hip and Jian Yi started to go with, expecting to be pushed back onto the dancefloor. He was all for grinding with strangers until dawn. But instead of the dancefloor, the guy pushed him toward the back exit.

Jian Yi laughed, the sound of it drawn away into the music, but his smile big when he shook his head, one hand up. “Sorry man, no thanks,” he pointed toward his friends on the couch and then started to walk toward them—the sign language of the club rat.

A hand in his hair pulled him back, and his smile and amusement drowned. His breath heaved from his chest when the guy slammed him up against the wall again, expression shifted into a drunk snarl. His mouth was moving but Jian Yi couldn’t hear him—though he thought he picked up the gist of it. Tease and whore were definitely in the mix. Jian Yi gave the big guy’s chest a shove, it didn’t move him much but the impact of it made those eyes bulge as if shocked. And then he lifted his hand in the narrow space between them and flipped the guy off. Yeah, Jian Yi wasn’t good at defusing these kinds of situations. He never had been. Funny, because he could be so good at defusing arguments between his friends and navigating all sorts of social currents.

The stranger grabbed his hand and jerked it down, pushing Jian Yi’s palm up against his crotch, his hard on suddenly a threat pressing against his palm. He tried to jerk back but the wall was against his shoulders and that hand wouldn’t let go of his wrist.

And then a redhead in a hoodie body-slammed the guy to the side—crashing into another group—and the whole club broke out into fights. Jian Yi grabbed onto Red, pulling him back to his feet and out of the reach of a stranger’s swinging fist, both of them hitting the wall. Jian Yi grinned, because that was what he did when he was stressed—stupid, he knew.

Red locked their hands and started pulling him through the crowd, ducking and weaving through a growing fight. Jian Yi looked around, trying to find He Tian and Zhengxi in the mess of shadows and strangers. Someone collided with them, accidentally knocking Red’s legs out from under him and for one horrific second, Jian Yi couldn’t see him anymore. He was sucked under like a current. Before he could drop down to his own hands and knees to go after him—He Tian pushed out of the crowd and dug the redhead out of the crowd, knocking over a couple people to do it. He lifted Red over his shoulder and reached out to grab Jian Yi’s hand.

For a second everything was almost right—he’d hold on to He Tian and follow him out of this mess of sound and violence—outside into the air and their bus and safety and quiet and—an arm hooked around his middle and lifted him up and back before he could grab He Tian’s hand. He saw the flare of panic on He Tian’s face, so rare but oh-so worrying. Jian Yi tried to twist around, to elbow or punch whatever asshole had lifted him. He couldn’t get the angle, but he could make out the drunk that had started all of this, still aiming to haul him out the back door in the opposite direction of his friends.

And then someone came at them from the side, grabbed the big guy by the front of the shirt and slammed a fist into his face. Jian Yi landed on his feet, pivoting around to stare when Zhengxi rode the guy to the ground, fist colliding with his face again until he was laid out on the sticky floor of the club.

Jian Yi grabbed his shoulder and Zhengxi rose to his feet, catching his hand and pulling him along to catch up with He Tian and Red.

There were already cops arriving outside and luckily their manager was there too—having been at a café nearby doing paperwork and making phonecalls. Red was waving his arms and explaining angrily what had happened, somehow blaming it all on the club itself. Jian Yi almost laughed, hurrying over to sling his arms around his savior. Red immediately lost steam, blushed, and pulled his hood up.

* * *

He Tian had had a wild day.

Stuck in an elevator. Got to kiss and blow Red. A bar fight. And now here he was, sitting on the tour bus, with Zhengxi straddling his hips and looking so serious while dabbing at the cut on his temple. How could someone look pretty when they were constantly scowling? And why was Xi constantly scowling? He Tian’s skin stung where the other guy smeared it in disinfectant and then twisted sideways to pull something else from the medical box he’d grabbed before getting to work. And he’d done all of that without prompting—without anyone telling him to. He’d taken one look at He Tian’s bleeding face, led him to one of the couches along the tinted windows, and taken care of it.

Maybe that was one of Zhengxi’s favorite things about this blond—he could handle any situation with an eerie calm. He liked it almost as much as he liked how he played the drums. Almost as much as he liked how his tanktops hung on his lean body. Almost as much as he liked how Jian Yi made even that scowly face smile sometimes. But not as much as he’d liked seeing Xi punch a guy in the face to get Jian Yi out of his arms and back into theirs.

Xi thumbed a bandage down over the cleaned cut and then froze.

He Tian grinned, waiting.

Those dark blue eyes cut down to him. His breath smelled like mint and sprite. He Tian really wanted to taste that. Zhengxi lifted a brow but didn’t move yet, still straddling He Tian, sitting his in laps with his chest inches from He Tian’s. “Are you hard?” the blond asked bluntly, no change in his voice suggesting how he felt about that.

“Can you really blame me? Adrenaline and now a hot guy in my lap?”

Zhengxi frowned sharply—not his real angry frown or even his real worried one—the frown he used instead of a smile when he wanted to deflect. “Great. Now you have a concussion.”

He Tian wrapped his hands around the backs of Xi’s thighs. He’d let go in a second if the other guy stood up. But he didn’t. Zhengxi stayed right there, in his lap. “Hey, Xi?” he asked.

“Hn?” The blond was still watching him like he might really be looking for signs of that concussion.

“Have you and Jian Yi fucked yet?”

He Tian felt the muscles in Xi’s thighs jump and almost missed the flicker of that surprise in his steely expression. “No…” it was muttered, suggesting they’d done other things. Did he still think He Tian might get jealous? Was that why he treaded so carefully?

They were all going to have to talk about this shit soon if they were going to keep going and not end up with confusion and hurt feelings—both of which could kill a friendship and definitely a band. But Zhengxi was still in his lap, He Tian’s hands still stroking the backs of his thighs. “And you’re still interested in Red?” he asked, voice low.

Another jump in his muscles, another tick in his jaw, but those deep blue eyes hide oceans of thoughts. He Tian realized he’d have to pay attention with Xi, not to his words like with Jian Yi or his body like with Red—but both and everything that went unsaid or undone. He Tian nodded once, a yes in that silence full of uncertainty. And why? Because Xi was new to liking more than one person? Or because he thought He Tian was moving in on Red and wanting both would be greedy? He Tian didn’t mind the idea of this guy being greedy—he found it hard to imagine and almost wished for it because, help him, he wanted things for Zhengxi. It hurt his heart to imagine the blond silently not getting what he wanted. “Do you ever lie?” He Tian asked.

That earned him one of those almost smiles. “A liar could say ‘no’ just as easily as anyone else…”

He Tian nodded, but he had been paying attention to Zhengxi for weeks now and never once caught him lying. Not even a little one. He Tian leaned up slowly, grinding his hips up into Xi’s and reveling in the little shockwave it sent through the other man’s body. His mouth hovered under Zhengxi’s, dark eyes on his blues. “Do you want me?”

Zhengxi inhaled sharply and his eyes widened a fraction, surprised. His mouth opened but he seemed lost for words for a second, caught in his own thoughts maybe?

“If you don’t, you don’t,” He Tian assured, still in that midnight voice but some things needed to be perfectly clear. “We can still figure out our relationships with Jian Yi and Red. We can still be frie—”

Zhengxi kissed him, cutting off his words and his worries. His lips parted and He Tian tasted that sprite and spearmint gum. His hands crawled up Xi’s thighs to his ass, to his waist, feeling his skin under his shirt.

And then the bus doors were opening and his lap was cold. Zhengxi stood fast, the back of his left hand pressing to his mouth and body pivoting away from the other two men stepping onto the bus, still talking. He looked…startled? Panicked? Confused? Yeah, they were really going to have to talk about all of this soon. Before He Tian could bring it up for group discussion—he noticed Zhengxi’s right hand. His knuckles were red, already starting to swell and turn purple. “Fuck,” He Tian jumped up, startling the blond on his way to the little kitchen.

The bus engine was starting up and Jian Yi threw himself down on the couch. “Well that went well…” he said sarcastically.

The bus lurched when it started moving and Zhengxi swayed and then sat where He Tian had been, still confused until he saw He Tian filling a plastic bag with crushed ice.

“Does your head hurt that bad?” Jian Yi asked, a note of worry.

Red sat next to Jian Yi, on the couch across from Xi. “How did you cut it?”

He Tian shrugged. “No and don’t remember.” He came back, sitting next to Zhengxi and settling the bag of ice, now wrapped in a towel, on top of his hand.

Jian Yi sat forward, eyes widening. “Holy shit. Is it broken? I’ll tell them to take us to the hos—”

“It’s fine. I don’t even need this,” Xi shrugged, taking the ice off but before he could toss it away, He Tian pushed it back down on his hand.

“Ji takes hand injuries seriously. It’s about the only thing he takes seriously…” He Tian left his hand over the towel to keep the ice pack on Xi’s hand, but careful not to press down hard.

Zhengxi blushed and looked away. Why? He hadn’t even blushed when he was straddling him? He Tian pressed back a smile, surprised. Was it just because of the attention? Or was he worried the other two might think something was going on?

Jian Yi snapped a photo of He Tian and Zhengxi, typing away on his phone before posting it to something.

“So, everyone saved my life, I feel like that makes us bonded forever,” Jian Yi said casually, turning sideways and tossing his legs up over Red’s lap. After weeks of this, Red didn’t look surprised or uncomfortable, settling back on the couch as though those long denim clad legs had buckled him in.

“Yeah… What the hell happened?” He Tian asked.

“That guy got gropey and Red knocked him over like a motherfucking linebacker!” Jian Yi cheered, but He Tian caught his wheat gaze sliding to the ice pack on Xi’s hand every so often. He could practically see his friend trying not to fuss or freak out about it. The bus was moving slow through city traffic. They were staying at a hotel for the next few nights since they had three concerts in this city starting tomorrow night.

He Tian glanced out the window at the buildings darkened through tinted glass. “It’s gonna be a while before we get to the hotel.”

“I already ordered room service,” Jian Yi said proudly, waving his phone at them.

“Should we talk about who’s sleeping where?” He Tian asked.

Jian Yi stopped waving his phone, looking back at him and He Tian could practically hear him thinking. Was it the right time to talk about that? What if it made things weird? But He Tian was more worried about someone feeling like they were doing something wrong or left out at this point. They’d all been flirting with each other for weeks and making little ground despite the tension.

Red visibly tensed and if he could have sunk deeper into his hood, he would have.

“Okay,” Jian Yi agreed but sounded nervous. It wasn’t like him. He usually dove into every awkward conversation, but this was important to him. They’d talked about it, he and Jian Yi, and He Tian knew how much his friend wanted this to work—how much he believed it would—and how worried he was of fucking it all up.

So, He Tian went for it. “We’re all interested in each other, right?”

A resounding silence, just the hum of the bus and Red’s teeth clicking against his lip ring.

He Tian wanted to groan and maybe throw some pillows at these idiots. They were all so worried about messing it up that they were actually going to mess it up. To his shock, the first one that spoke was Red. His sharp red eyes shifted around between them, as though afraid to linger too long and actually make significant eye contact with any of them. “Yes.” He was blushing pink when he said it, though deep in the shadow of his hood.

Jian Yi smiled like he honestly hadn’t been sure and leaned forward, into the hood, to kiss the other guy. Red kissed back softly, like he’d do anything Jian Yi wanted.

Zhengxi relaxed next to him and He Tian might not have even noticed if his hand weren’t still resting on top of the icepack. Xi settled back on the couch and nodded. “Okay, so, what? We’re a free for all?” he tried to sound bored and almost succeeded, but there was a smile hiding in the corner of his mouth.

Jian Yi had basically moved onto Red’s lap, one arm slung over his shoulders and their heads leaned together when they stopped kissing. Red looked just about anywhere but at anyone.

“I’m thinking maybe we don’t mess around with anyone outside of the four of us?” Jian Yi suggested, actually sounding a little unsure. He Tian had never seen him this hopeful or invested in something other than his music before.

Red nodded, teeth clicking against his lip ring, and Xi nodded too.

“And if at any point someone is feeling jealous or left out or there’s something they don’t like or whatever, it needs to come up,” Jian Yi said, trying not to look pointedly at the redhead beside him. “We have to be honest if it’s going to work.”

“Okay,” Xi said and that smile was escaping now. “So, do we need safe words or can we all just have one word?”

He was joking, but Jian Yi took it seriously and decided he liked the idea of a shared safe word.

“I didn’t really mean—”

“How about pineapple?” Red suggested, surprising the others.

He Tian wondered if the redhead was just taking part in the conversation or if the idea of a safe word made him feel better. They all agreed on pineapple by the time they got to the hotel, the conversation about room division still going when they headed into the hotel. They had two rooms adjoining with a door in the middle. By the time they reached the elevator they decided to leave it to chance with a round of rock, paper, scissors to decide who was sharing—all the while pretending it was still casual, like they weren’t all a bundle of excitement and nerves, treading new territory in their relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might actually randomize who ends up sleeping in the same rooms! Feel free to let me know what pairings you want to see first though. No promises, but we'll see what I can do! Thanks so much for reading!


	7. Room Service

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I winged it and this is what we got! Thanks for all the great comments! I'm glad I'm not the only one kinda into swapping the usual pairings. <3

Red chewed his lip, following the others into the hotel room. They had talked about playing rock, paper, scissors to divide up the rooms but as soon as they walked into the first and Jian Yi spotted the cart of room service he’d ordered, all other plans were forgotten.

The room was huge, with two double beds and a sitting area near the window.

He Tian unlatched and opened the door that connected to another, identical room, disappearing for two seconds before returning with one of the chairs from that room to bring over into his one.

Jian Yi started unveiling the assortment of foods he had ordered. There was no discernable theme. Breakfast, dinner, and dessert crowded the cart. “I love hotels,” the pale blonde crowed, grabbing some fries off a plate and plopping down on one of the chairs.

He Tian stood over the cart, judged Jian Yi harshly for making bad food choices, and then picked up the plate of pancakes and sat down.

They started talking about the plans for tomorrow, when they needed to be at the venue to go over the set and do more interviews, and what order they wanted to do the songs.

It had been a relief when He Tian brought up their group relationship. Red had felt confused before that. He had too many feelings going too many directions and could so easily see everything blowing up in his face, ruining all of these friendships and the band and leaving him back where he started—with absolutely no one and nothing.

Red started when a plate of half-eaten pancakes were held in front of him where he sat on the edge of a bed. He looked up, He Tian endlessly patient. “Take the rest, I’m gonna go shower,” he said.

He took the plate, hoping he hadn’t blushed. He always hesitated to take from food like this. Jian Yi always bought a lot from the convenient stores or ordered a lot like today and then just left it there for people to take, but Red didn’t know what to do with that. It wasn’t his. He hadn’t bought it. What if it wasn’t meant for him? With the plate in Red’s hands, He Tian bent over and kissed his head. “Eat, you’re not allowed to faint on stage or the whole world will think we’re not taking care of you.”

Red was sure he blushed then. “More like they’ll think I’m a druggy again…” he stabbed some maple-soaked pancake and ate.

Jian Yi looked up from the burger he was sharing with Xi, blinking those beautiful pale eyes and for a second Red was afraid he’d pretend he’d never heard about the incident. “Yeah, what the hell happened?”

Red shrugged, wishing he hadn’t brought it up.

He Tian disappeared through the adjoining door, into the other room with his bag and eventually they heard the shower.

Zhengxi grabbed the last of the hamburger from Jian Yi’s hands, ate it, and mumbled something about showering too. He fished around in his bag for some stuff before taking the bathroom in this room. Red ate the last wedge of pancake and then put the plate down.

“Did She Li really drug you?” Jian Yi pressed, though there was no doubt lurking over the question—not like how most people had replied when he said it, like it wasn’t likely or possible, but just sad that something like that had happened.

Red forced a smile and another shrug. “He’s done worse.” And it had gotten him out of the band—not the way he’d hoped to leave, but still out. And all of that had worked out.

Jian Yi opened a bottle of water and drained half of it. He got up, languid and elegant. Red didn’t understand how he moved like that all the time. His pale hair was in a messy knot back from his face and his tshirt rode up enough to flash the yellow elastic of his briefs and smooth skin. He held out the bottle to Red and he took it. “Were you two dating?” Jian Yi asked.

For a second the question stumped Red. Were they? He drank to buy precious seconds to think over the whole toxic whirlwind that had been his relationship with She Li. “No.” He shook his head once. No matter how he thought about it, even if it had been open or abusive or whatever—it wasn’t really that kind of relationship.

Jian Yi’s doe-eyes were gone, along with all the pretense of not understanding or being far away. He was studying Red and looking right into him. He had done this before, so it wasn’t a surprise, but it was still unnerving. It made him want to squirm. He took another drink.

“But you were having sex?”

“Sure,” Red shrugged and put the empty water bottle down.

“Did you have a safe word?”

Red laughed before he could stop himself, biting his lip to pull it back but it was too late. “No.” He shook his head and looked away, absently tugging at his hood. “Have you ever used one?” he tried to slide the subject away from his confusing, ugly relationships.

Jian Yi was still standing beside him, probably looking at him, but Red was looking at the carpet now. Even he thought he was difficult. What did they see in him? He had understood what She Li wanted from him—why he wanted him—he was a target, someone expendable that he could bully. But none of his bandmates bullied him now. No one was trying to push him or take things from him. In fact, they wanted to date him. Why?

Jian Yi sat next to him. “Sure. This one time, this guy had my arms behind my back and something about the angle… It felt like my shoulder was going to pop right out, so I used the safeword.”

Red nodded. “Did he stop?”

Jian Yi was quiet.

Red looked at him, suddenly pissed and afraid the guy hadn’t but Jian Yi was waiting for his gaze, staring at him like he’d given something away just by asking.

“Yeah. Of course,” the blond said, something about it making it clear that that was exactly how Jian Yi expected safewords to work—like magic that brings everything to a complete stop. And just like that, he also knew that Red had no trust built in for them. _Fuck_. Red felt the heat in his cheeks and tore his gaze away, pushing it back to the floor, but before he could turn his head, Jian Yi had his chin and was tilting his head back up, catching his mouth with his.

They kissed, slow and deep and Red lost himself in it. No one had ever kissed him like that—like it wasn’t urgent, like they had all the time in the world and everything else was just gone. And then he heard the zipper of his hoodie being pulled down, sending shivering up his spine. Somehow the idea of Jian Yi of all people removing his layers felt almost unbearably intimate and exposing, like he really would see through him then—see everything. And that was terrifying because Jian Yi was so clean, so soft and happy and unscarred.

The muscles in his arms jumped with the impulse to resist, but at the same time he didn’t want to and couldn’t imagine not giving the blond whatever he wanted. He hadn’t meant to trust Jian Yi this much, but something about him had been such an anchor these last weeks, keeping them all right where they needed to be.

The blond managed to move from his side to straddling his lap without ending their kissing, hands pushing Red’s hoodie back—off his head and his shoulders and just gone. He felt immediately exposed. It was stupid, but he was so used to it. Jian Yi’s fingertips touched the exposed sides of his face and then around and down the back of his neck. Red shivered, suckling at his tongue and marveling at how he could make what so far was a sweet make out session feel so deeply erotic. Was it because he knew where it was leading? Or maybe because he didn’t exactly know? Usually, someone would have either pushed him down by now or he would have pushed them and this would be well on its way to over.

“Do you want to fuck me, or do you want me to fuck you?” Jian Yi asked into their kiss.

Red shuddered. “Whatever you want.”

The kiss broke when Jian Yi dragged Red’s shirt up.

“Ji…” Red murmured, trying to warn him maybe. He lifted his arms, because it didn’t seem like any part of him, mind or body, knew how to deny Jian Yi what he was after. The shirt came off.

Red was pale, scars standing out. He had been a scrapper when he was little and then he’d been She Li’s for too long.

Those knowing, pale eyes swept over him and Red willed himself to look away before he saw some flicker of disgust or pity on that beautiful face. Jian Yi’s hand touched Red’s chest, thumb stroking over old cigarette burns. His expression did change, somewhere under his lust, there was anger. Red stared, surprised to see it.

Jian Yi’s hands wandered, one coming up to tip Red’s face high, thumb pressing against the pale scar in his bottom lip his black ring tried to distract from. “Are you into pain, Red?” the blonde asked, no judgement in his voice.

Red swallowed hard, hands touching the backs of Jian Yi’s thighs on either side of his hips, timid at first like maybe he wasn’t supposed to. They’d flirted and kissed but nothing this far. “I…” he hesitated, hating how hard it was to explain himself, to even think about what he liked vs what he had allowed. “I like it rough, I guess… But not… I don’t want…” his words stumbled. He didn’t want to end up in another violent relationship. He couldn’t imagine Jian Yi doing that but he also couldn’t imagine himself stopping him either.

Jian Yi studied him, rubbing his hips forward to have his hardon pressed against Red’s chest. “Do you like the pain or do you like being controlled?” he asked, still so perfectly casual about it—like no answer was the wrong answer.

Red shivered. He’d never talked about this in any way with anyone. The closest he’d ever come was that time in the alley with Xi, when he’d asked if the biting had been his kink. He’d never even really had to think about it. “Controlled…” he confessed, voice quiet with shame. “But I don’t mind the pain if that’s your thing… just don’t leave scars,” he added quietly and hated how flimsy it sounded, like a request instead of the firm rule he should have made it. He knew that. He knew he should have set firm boundaries, these relationships were his chance to get it right but he was already fucking up.

His thoughts cut off when Jian Yi kissed him again, making his nerves sizzle, and then suddenly he was off of him, standing. For one raw second Red thought he must have said something wrong and Jian Yi was over it—over him. But the blond smiled and pulled his shirt off. “Take off your clothes and get up at the head of the bed.”

Red blushed, he knew it because he felt the heat pulsing in his face. “Wh-What? What if the others come out and see?” he asked, voice quiet, but he was already standing and mirroring Jian Yi’s motions—undressing.

Everyone had seen Jian Yi naked. There was no way of living anywhere near him and not. He was lean and tall and perfect. He pushed his jeans and briefs off as one, naked when he practically stalked Red up the length of the bed until the redhead was backed up to the pile of pillows, his heart hammering in his throat and his sex stiff.

“So, what if they do come out?” Jian Yi said breathily in his ear, one slender hand on Red’s neck to keep his head tipped high, so he couldn’t see Jian Yi spreading his thighs and pressing his hips down on Red’s, their cocks rubbing together until they both panted. “Do you want them to see?” Those wheat eyes watched him and Red groaned, watching the blond suck on two longer fingers, tongue wetting them lewdly before the hand disappeared from sight. His body was crowded up against the pillows and the wall, Jian Yi’s legs holding him in place with his thighs spread. “Do you want them to watch me fuck you?” he asked and Red’s mouth opened breathlessly when the first wet finger pressed against his asshole, pushing inside slow but deep.

Red strained, muscles naturally testing the restraining body of the other, hands grabbing at Jian Yi’s upper arms. It didn’t stop that finger from moving inside him, sliding in and out lazily—slowly—again, like Jian Yi had forever and Red was going nowhere.

“Do you want me to call them?” Jian Yi’s voice, husky and stern continued to taunt him, those eyes watching Red’s ever expression.

“N-No…” he panted, breath hitching when a second finger was added inside him, stretching him and keeping that same, slow rhythm.

“We could take turns fucking you,” Jian Yi offered and Red shook because he believed he’d really call them if he wanted it. And a part of him did. But not yet. He wasn’t ready for that yet.

“No…” he managed, body straining, unable to move and ever effort only tightening himself around those fingers and rocking into them. “Fuck… Ji… Please…” Red dropped one hand from Jian Yi’s shoulder down his body, blind searching until his fingers found the other man’s sex. They both moaned when he wrapped his fingers around him, feeling his size and how achingly hard he was—confirmation that it wasn’t just Red losing his mind here. He stroked.

Jian Yi’s mouth opened, gasping, fingers still moving inside Red. “Please what?” he pressed, voice low.

Red’s cheeks burned. “Fuck me,” he gasped out. “Please. Hard. Just… Fuck, please…”

The hand stilled, fingers still buried inside him for one agonizing second before they pulled out and he was empty—so empty he was choking on it—and then Jian Yi shifted, his cock leaving Red’s hand. He still couldn’t look, Jian Yi holding his jaw up high, back of his head to the wall. He heard the tear of something plastic and the latex roll. Where the fuck had Jian Yi kept the condom? He couldn’t see what was happening to him, couldn’t move, and he almost came to the sudden intrusion of Jian Yi’s sex pushing into his body.

Red’s mouth opened wide, unable to do anything but feel the other man sliding deeper and deeper into him. Jian Yi leaned against his chest, more pressure, and those eyes were watching his face again, seeing everything he felt right there. It was all too much. Jian Yi spoke softly in his ear, lewd things, promising things. His hips started moving, not the slow languid thrusts his kisses might have suggested, but hard punctuated thrusts, shoving the air from Red’s lungs and driving him up against the wall. His eyes rolled back and he forgot to worry about the other guys seeing or hearing him, forgot about everything else in the world, all he could feel was Jian Yi and all he could hear was Jian Yi.

* * *

Zhengxi stepped out of the bathroom, walked into the bedroom and then froze when he realized what was happening on the bed. Fuck. Heat rose to his face and down deep into his stomach, pooling and making his cock jump in his briefs. He dropped the towel in his hand and tried not to breathe, or make any sound at all. What the hell was he supposed to do? Right now he was watching—watching Jian Yi fuck Red. Distantly he wondered if he should be feeling jealous over one or the other, but it wasn’t there.

He took another step to the side, and another, toward the open doorway of the other hotel room. That was what he should do. He should just go in there and leave them alone. He could even pretend he hadn’t seen it or that it was no big deal. He supposed it wasn’t—or wouldn’t be someday when they’d all fucked each other every which way and nothing was a big deal.

He backed into the doorway but froze there, shoulder leaned to the frame and eyes still fixed on the show. He was definitely a pervert. He had to stop looking before they noticed. But Red was making that sound, that moaning keening sound every time Jian Yi slammed his hips forward, his mouth against Red’s ear and saying something that seemed to be driving him crazy. Zhengxi wanted to hear it—to know what he was saying. Somehow seeing Jian Yi on top, practically holding the other guy down, was mind-blowing. It wasn’t how he would have imagined it. But, then again, he imagined Jian Yi could play a lot of different roles if he wanted to.

A warm hand slid over Zhengxi’s naked side and he jumped, breath catching and body twisting around. He had forgotten He Tian was in this room’s bathroom. The unexpected, unwanted, stab of fear that shot through him while he was already wound up left his muscles tight and his skin tingling, vision blurring a little at the edges. He Tian stared back at him, the hand he’d put on his side held up and questions in his eyes—worried he’d done something wrong when they both knew he hadn’t done anything at all.

Xi shook his head once, wishing he hadn’t reacted like that but more so that He Tian wasn’t staring at him like he’d noticed it was more than just surprise. He had been scared. “It’s not you,” he promised in a whisper, offering a feeble shrug. Fuck. He was ruining a good situation.

* * *

He Tian studied Zhengxi. He replayed the seconds in his head. The only thing he’d done was come up behind him and touch his skin. Xi said whatever had scared him hadn’t been He Tian directly and he believed him, because Xi seemed to take the truth pretty seriously. So, he didn’t like being surprised?

“Should we close the door?” Zhengxi asked in that almost inaudible whisper, looking again at the other two fucking on the bed in the other room. Red’s sounds were getting tighter together but Jian Yi’s thrusts were still ruthlessly slow and hard.

He Tian smiled a little. Xi obviously didn’t want to close the door, his shoulder to the frame again when he turned back to look. He Tian tried closing the distance between them again, slow this time. Xi’s muscles still jumped but he didn’t look away from the other two this time—but he did shift, his back to the frame so that He Tian wasn’t behind him. Was that it then? He didn’t like him being out of eyeline? He Tian filed it away, important but not more than respecting the boundary for right now.

“No point,” He Tian said, voice low and deep, and he loved the way Xi’s pulse jumped in his throat. “They know we’re watching. Jian Yi probably told Red…” He touched the blonde’s chest and this time his skin didn’t jump and that lance of fear didn’t disrupt the lust in his dark blue eyes. He Tian exhaled relief and kissed Xi’s throat. Jian Yi and Red moaned in the other room, the sounds of their fucking impossibly loud once they were paying attention to it. Zhengxi’s arm curled around He Tian’s waist, fingers stroking his hip while He Tian’s hand moved down Zhengxi’s side, fingertips hooking into the elastic waistband of his briefs, sliding around, across his tight belly and stopping in the front, over his erection. He waited, licking his throat and feeling he flutter of his pulse under his tongue.

Zhengxi nodded, tugging He Tian’s towel away from his hips and letting it fall on the floor. The blond tore his gaze away from the pair on the bed to look up at He Tian, pausing for a second, and He Tian read the question in his eyes and smiled. It was like he was unsure if it would be rude to He Tian to watch the other two while he was touching him—while they were touching each other. They hadn’t gone this far before. They’d only kissed for the first time on the bus earlier tonight.

He Tian pushed Zhengxi’s briefs down his hips to his thighs, far enough to free his hardened sex. He loved the way Xi’s eyes dilated and his body swayed before leaning back against the frame again, turned on beyond reason. He Tian kissed him and then turned his face to the side to watch Red and Jian Yi again. He would have liked to turn him fully, press against his back and reach around to stroke him while they watched—but he wasn’t going to ruin the moment by possibly freaking him out again. He wrapped his hand around Xi’s sex and moaned when the blond bit his lip to keep from letting out his own sounds, that groan caught in his chest.

“It’s okay,” He Tian purred against his shoulder, kissing and then biting. “Watch them… and someday they’ll be watching us.” Zhengxi shuddered pleasantly, choking back another groan and He Tian smiled, pleased that he liked the idea. And then he gasped when Zhengxi’s hand slid up his thigh to cup his sex, rubbing and then wrapping his hand around him and stroking.

Red gasped and started begging Jian Yi to let him come, and they both twitched in each other’s hands, already close.

“Please… Fuck… Please!” Red cried, almost choking. Jian Yi said something to him, so close and low that neither of them could hear, and then Red let out a guttural moan and came. Zhengxi’s shoulders jerked, body spasming when he came. He Tian pivoted toward him, catching most of his load on his abdomen and the rest on his hand.

“S-Sorry…” Xi started, still flushed and panting and still stroking He Tian.

He Tian shivered, close, and shook his head, leaning his face into Xi’s neck and listening to his stuttering breaths and Jian Yi’s still thrusting hips in the other room. He jerked his hips into Zhengxi’s hand and reached down with the hand already coated in cum to catch his own load when he came, moaning into Xi’s skin.

Jian Yi finished soon after and for long minutes all four of them were just breathing and shivering in the aftermath of their own pleasures.

He Tian eventually stood upright and Zhengxi stared at him, a mix of satisfaction and confusion on his usually impassive face. “You can cum on me whenever the fuck you want,” He Tian purred, lifting his hand and licking some of Xi’s load from the back of his knuckles. Before he could step away, and go back to the bathroom to clean up, Zhengxi caught his wrist. Those dark blue eyes stared at him, as though deciding something, and then he leaned in and poked his tongue out to lick some of He Tian’s load from his palm. He Tian groaned, a shiver running through him. “Fuck… Don’t start everyone up again.” He grinned and kissed him once before slipping away.

* * *

Jian Yi smiled down at Red, watching him come back to the world after sex. His hand relaxed the hold he’d kept on Red’s jaw, stroking down his neck. When Red blinked up at him, looking unsure and self-conscious again like usual, Jian Yi kissed him. He slid his softened dick out of him and smiled at how Red’s body shivered. “Wanna shower with me?” Jian Yi asked, kissing him once more before jumping off the bed.

He paused long enough to wink at Xi in the doorway before walking to the bathroom. He pulled the condom off, dropping it in the trash before getting into the shower. He wasn’t sure if Red would join him or not. There was another shower if he wanted time to himself, but within a few seconds Red was closing the bathroom door and stepping into the shower.

A half hour later they were all falling asleep, Red and Zhengxi on one bed and Jian Yi and He Tian on the other. They had a whole other room and yet the discussion of using it never even came up.

The room was dark but for the glow of Jian Yi’s phone. He was almost done going through the latest comments on his last update—the photo of He Tian icing Xi’s hand on the bus. He’d captioned it with an update about the barfight, “Xixi saved my life! Stopped some guy from carrying me out the back door!” The comments were great, the fans loved the drama and that Zhengxi had rescued their Jian Yi. It was a lot of hearts and worry for his wellbeing and worry for Xi’s hand. Jian Yi replied, assuring fans with tickets to their shows that they’d be there. And then he paused, staring at the comment from that weird guy with no image of his own—the one who commented on all the images of Xixi, the one he’d been hoping would disappear. _“I knew they were bad for you. You have to get away from them. You should never have left me.”_


	8. Cookies

The first concert went great and they were there after hours with fans until past three in the morning—not back at the hotel until four but still wide awake. Their hours were totally upside down.

Zhengxi managed to play the drums flawlessly despite his right hand being bruised almost black and purple. All three of them had taken to pushing ice packs at him every time they saw him offstage without one.

Jian Yi insisted on hitting up a convenience store on the way back and picking up bags of snacks and sandwiches. When they got to the room, he managed to boss Zhengxi and Red into pushing the two beds together so he could dump all the snacks out. By the time they were all showered, in their sweats, and gathering around the shiny plastic wrapped foods, Jian Yi had even started them on a game he was called “relationship rundown” that seemed to be shotgun questions.

He Tian smiled but played along, grabbing and opening up an egg salad sandwich.

“Number of exes!” Jian Yi tossed out.

He Tian and Red both booed Jian Yi, accusing him of creating an opportunity to brag.

The pale blond laughed and shook his head. “No, no! Not how many people you’ve slept with or whatever just how many you’d actually call your ex.”

He Tian was still pretty sure Jian Yi would have the largest number. He had gone through a lot of “serious” boyfriends in highschool. “Six,” He Tian offered. It was a mix of men and women, speckled from highschool up until last year, the longest of the relationships had lasted almost two years. Of course, he didn’t count Jian Yi. He’d never thought of Jian Yi as an ex.

“Two,” Zhengxi said, uncapping a soda and drinking, his hair still wet from the shower.

Red had no shirt on but still dragged on a hoodie. His teeth clicked his piercing and he shrugged. “Zero.” He sounded uncomfortable, like he should be ashamed.

Jian Yi leaned into his side. “Somehow that sounds better than my fourteen…”

He Tian laughed.

“Not counting him, of course,” Jian Yi said, pointing at He Tian. “Or all the one-night-stands…”

He Tian tossed Red one of the sandwiches still in the pile of snacks. He hadn’t missed how Red didn’t grab at food he hadn’t purchased. He might not eat any of it if they didn’t start handing things to him.

Jian Yi gave Red his puppy-eyes. “Still like me?”

Red blushed, trying not to smile. “Sure.”

He Tian had always loved how Jian Yi could make people feel better. “Men and women, or just men? Since, obviously, we’re all into dicks…” he tossed out another question.

Zhengxi sifted through the pile and found chips. “Both.”

“Men,” Red said.

“Men,” Jian Yi nodded.

“Both,” He Tian concluded.

They went a few more rounds, favorite holidays, how they got into music, favorite songs and then Jian Yi asked, “Best sex.”

For a long second they were all quiet, wide-eyed, minds reeling. “Ummm…” He Tian hummed and then huffed a laugh and told the story of the time he and Jian Yi had sex in a hot tub, almost got caught, and then had to pretend Jian Yi was just sitting on his lap and that he wasn’t buried in him. More people came out, to talk to them and then just hanging out outside to smoke, and He Tian had to move so slowly, rocking his hips up into Jian Yi.

Jian Yi was the only one not impressed by the story. “That can’t be your best…”

He Tian shrugged. “It makes for a good story.”

Jian Yi laughed and nodded, waving to Zhengxi to go next.

He Tian wondered if Xi would pass on this. He didn’t do a lot of talking or story telling usually. He still hadn’t figured out if it was because he was quiet, private, or just not used to people asking him so many questions.

“Yeah, okay,” Zhengxi leaned back against the headboard. “About a year ago we were touring with some other bands and I had a thing for this guy. We made out in an alley behind this club and—”

Red coughed, choking on his sandwich, hand flying to his mouth and face suddenly bright red.

He Tian glanced between them and tried not to grin.

“You had sex in an alley?” Jian Yi asked, sounding skeptical and looking at Zhengxi as though maybe he’d miscalculated something about the other blond.

Xi shrugged. “He turned toward the wall, real bossy, and that’s where we did it. He kept telling me to bite him too.”

Red was blushing so hard that He Tian imagined the heat radiating off of him.

“Biting, huh?” He Tian asked, looking at Red.

Red’s eyes widened and he looked away.

Jian Yi glanced between all three of them before realizing he was the one sitting closest to Red. Without warning, he reached up—pulled the hoodie back from Red’s head—and grabbed the back of his neck, holding on to him when he leaned in and bit at his neck. Red spasmed, surprise warring with pleasure and hands shooting up to grab at Jian Yi’s naked arms. He gasped and whined and his eyes glazed over. Jian Yi swirled his tongue against his skin and leaned back, still holding Red by the back of the neck and looking at his reaction. “Well, damn… Good to know.”

Red swore under his breath and shoved Jian Yi away.

He Tian realized suddenly that this game probably needed to stop—not the biting and sexy part of it, but the “best sex” part. Red had slept with both Jian Yi and Xi. Would one be hurt if he said the other was better? Fuck. He peeled his attention off Red and Jian Yi to look at Zhengxi. “So,” he had to make conversation before they got back on track. “Are you always a top?” Most men he knew switched but it was definitely worth asking and a good chance to derail this shit. He didn’t expect Xi to look startled by the question—there in his eyes and then gone to that ever-cool exterior.

“No,” he said flatly. Back to not oversharing, he guessed. He looked down at the icepack on his hand. He Tian was starting to get the feeling that Xi wasn’t used to people looking out for him. Maybe something about the icepack made him add, “Haven’t been on the bottom in a while though.”

Red swore when Jian Yi captured his arm and bit his wrist, the bed bouncing when they struggled.

He Tian extended a leg and kicked the pale blond off the foot of the bed, effectively freeing Red’s wrist.

Jian Yi landed with a padded thud and the others laughed.

His phone lit up on the bed, soundlessly ringing. He Tian snatched it up and answered. It was Manager Hana—not that he would have hesitated to answer no matter who it was. He had been answering Jian Yi’s phone since they were teens. Their manager didn’t seem to notice or care that she’d called one man and gotten the other. She was in the lobby with their laundry delivery and some forms they needed to sign and she as not going to come up to their room—he was going to come down and thank her and take all of this shit with him. He liked her. She was bossy but professional.

He nodded along, grabbing a shirt and getting up before tossing the now dark phone back to Jian Yi on the floor. He relayed the info and said he’d only be a few minutes. Jian Yi jumped up, offering to come with and help carry their stuff. He Tian narrowed his eyes suspiciously but didn’t fight him—he either wanted cookies from the lobby or to make out in the elevator.

* * *

Zhengxi shook the icepack off as soon as they were out of the room and traded the half-eaten chips for the candy Jian Yi had been working on.

Red eyed him, first his hand and then the pack. “It’s weird for you too?”

“Hm?” Xi asked around sour-sweet gummy.

Red sat back, hands to the mattress and body stretching. His hood wasn’t up and for a moment the redhead seemed to have forgotten it. “People trying to look after you…” he said, quieter, like maybe he’d gotten it wrong and was saying something stupid.

He wasn’t. Zhengxi glanced at the icepack again and then at his bruised and swollen knuckles. They were fine. He’d done worse. It would look better tomorrow. “Yeah. I’m not used to that.”

“But you’ve dated people before,” Red pointed out, bolder now, maybe because it was just the two of them and even if they didn’t know each other deeply—the had met before all of this and known a moment of each other. “You were the one that took care of them, right? Not the other way around?”

Zhengxi was surprised but nodded and tossed the candy down. He got up, sweeping up the mess of wrappers and food back into bags.

“You were like that when we fucked,” Red said and Zhengxi froze, pulse picking up. “I was no one to you but you wanted to make sure I was getting what I wanted out of it.”

Zhengxi tossed the bags on the little table and turned back to look down at Red still sitting in the middle of the bed. “I didn’t exactly mean to tell them it was you…” He could blame it on Red’s reaction but it wouldn’t be fair. “I’m sorry if—”

“It’s fine,” Red said quickly. “I mean. I was surprised but we’re being honest right?”

“Right…”

“Xi?”

He shivered a little when Red said the nickname. “Yeah?”

The glint of a wicked smirk, like he’d seen back in that alley a year ago—mischievous as all hell. “Was I really your best?”

Zhengxi stared back at him, relaxing at the sight of that glint. He liked Red like that—up to no good and a little dangerous. Wild. Unbroken. Unbreakable. Oh, he imagined She Li had tried—had seen the scars and fresh bruises himself back then, but here he was, still alive and still playing and still looking for someplace to belong like the rest of them. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it—about you.”

Red reached out, hood still down, fingers touching Xi’s bare abdomen and hooking into the elastic band of his joggers. “Why?” he asked and it was an honest question searching for an honest answer. He wasn’t looking for vanity—just to understand.

Zhengxi shivered. “Because you were so bold even when you were so hurt. You were impossible not to see. I think I wanted to know you and be known by you,” his voice got quieter. Why did that hurt to say? Was that the root of all his concerns? That no one knew him? That he knew no one? “I think I wanted to be you.”

Red’s fingers stopped and his eyes shot up to search Zhengxi’s. Looking for the lie? “Why?” he asked like he couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to be him. “Even then? When you knew what was going on with She Li?”

Zhengxi reached down, touching the cheek that used to be layered in bruises. “You were still you. You were still so bright and demanding. He put a mask on you, because if anyone had seen your eyes—they would have known everything about you. No matter what anyone did, you were you.”

Red’s eyes narrowed like for a second he didn’t understand and Xi hoped he wouldn’t. Why was he even saying any of this? He willed himself to reel it in. Honest was one thing, oversharing was another. What was it about these guys? They made him want to take risks. They made him feel so close to being seen and yet that made him want to run. “Oh,” Red said, a dark understanding in his eyes. “Oh.”

Zhengxi cringed and started to drop his hand. Red caught his wrist, eyes still searching him. “It’s not the same,” he quickly tried to amend. “It was nothing like you and She Li. I didn’t get beat up,” his voice got quieter the closer he got to explaining.

Red held on to his wrist, like he might try to pull away. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Zhengxi smiled because he was surprised. Red talked almost as little as he did. The blind leading the blind over here. “No.”

Red nodded and actually didn’t press. He just pulled his wrist and dragged him down into bed on top of him. Zhengxi landed, surprised but happy beyond belief to be skin to skin with the other man. “You know why I think you liked me?” he whispered, mouth close to Zhengxi’s.

He shivered, Red’s hands exploring his sides—bold like they weren’t new to each other. “Why?” Xi asked, groaning when Red rubbed a thigh up between his legs and they both started grinding against each other.

“Because we are the same.”

* * *

He Tian went downstairs with Jian Yi on his heels. They talked to Manager Hana, agreed to do better on everything they were already great at and collected their dry cleaning and mail. Jian Yi had a habit of online shopping and considering how much they traveled, it was always slowly catching up to him. He forgot what he ordered so it was like sending himself presents. He Tian pretended to hate it, but he loved the way the blonde lit up over his own purchases.

When they were done and heading back to the elevators, Jian Yi did not go for the cookies. So, He Tian shifted the bags he was carrying to one hand—expecting to be mauled in the lift by his partner. But Jian Yi lost steam as soon as they were alone on the lift, no longer performing for anyone, and He Tian felt a pang of worry. “What is it?”

“I don’t know. I just… It’s probably nothing but I’ve been trying to decide if I should talk to you about it or if I should talk to Xixi or if I should just keep it to myself because it’s not like it’s anything real it’s just…”

He Tian glared. Floors clicking by as the elevator climbed. “Ji,” he said firmly.

The blond groaned and pulled his phone out, explaining in his mile-a-minute chatter that He Tian had learned to follow years ago and flipping through photos and comments, showing him the consistently creepy ones by the same guy always focused on Xi.

He Tian nodded. He didn’t like it, but it happened. They all had a few fans that got weird—went a little far. The latest one was unnerving but also not the worst thing. Jian Yi had gotten a lot worse himself—usually hate speech with the occasional death threat. They reported those to He Tian’s brother who owned a security firm. “You haven’t asked Xi?”

Jian Yi shook his head, the elevator stopping and both stepping off on their floor. They moved slowly down the hall because they couldn’t exactly go inside until they finished this conversation. “No. He doesn’t do social media so I didn’t want to freak him out. I pretty much just tell the boys the good things and leave out the meanies and the crazies,” Jian Yi went on. He Tian liked how he called them “the boys” like they’d been together for years and not a couple months.

He Tian paused, their door in sight. “Did he ever do social media?”

“What?”

“Xixi. Has he always been off it or…?” He couldn’t really imagine Zhengxi taking a selfie let alone posting it on a public platform.

Jian Yi seemed to think for a second. “He had accounts before but they barely had anything on them. I’m guessing that’s why he got rid of them a couple years ago.”

He Tian sighed and nodded. “Okay. It’s probably just an intense fan but let me know if he comments again?”

Jian Yi sighed and immediately perked up, as though relieved to have the issue off his shoulders and onto someone else’s. He started toward the hotel room door and then stopped, turning back with that signature mischief in his wheat eyes. He grinned. “I fucked Red before you did, didn’t I?” he whispered, more than a little proud. “Bet you didn’t see that coming…”

He Tian smiled. “I should never have doubted you, cock-whisperer. You’re the reigning champion of getting into men’s pants.”

Jian Yi nodded, glanced at the door once and then back up to He Tian. “He’s not really into pain,” he explained quietly. They didn’t get a lot of chances to talk just the two of them—which was okay, but there were some things that maybe would be good to share, but Red was still self-conscious. “He likes the rough-housing and being held down and the dirty talk… he definitely responded to dirty-talk—but the pain wasn’t his fetish…” Jian Yi trailed off their, a look darkening his eyes for a second. Jian Yi had a temper few ever saw.

He Tian nodded. He had suspected Red’s tastes but it was good to know. He touched Jian Yi’s cheek, curling fingers around the back of his neck and pulling the blond close. He kissed him deep, remembering the sight of him last night, fucking Red. He had been in love with Jian Yi since they were kids, it might not make sense to a lot of people—but a large part of that had always been the way Jian Yi loved other people. They made out in the hall until Jian Yi was humping He Tian’s thigh.

“Inside?” He Tian suggested.

Jian Yi moaned. “Yeah. Of course. Cum wherever you want…”

He Tian laughed darkly and pushed the blond toward the door.

Jian Yi swiped the card along the keypad and pushed the door open, both of them stumbling in to the dim room.

Zhengxi and Red were on the bed, both naked. Zhengxi was on his back, Red on his knees between his thighs, mouth wrapped around his sex and head bobbing, one arm stretched up Xi’s chest. They both jerked to a stop when the other two walked in, the door slammed behind them. Red’s mouth popped off of Xi’s cock, both men sitting up, breathless, pupils dilated.

He Tian hated how unsure they both looked—like maybe they were doing something wrong. But he knew this was a learning curve, mapping new ground in their relationship until they were all comfortable and safe with how it worked. They could do whatever they wanted, with or without himself and Jian Yi.

Jian Yi bit his bottom lip, pretending not to see the same reaction. He dropped the load of mail and clothes on the floor and inched closer, fingers twisting in the hem of his own shirt—a human question waiting for invitation.

Red grinned and bent forward again, staring at them when he wrapped his mouth around Xi’s sex again. The blond groaned, body twitching in surprise and shoulders falling back on the mattress again. One arm reached out blindly toward Jian Yi and He Tian.

Jian Yi stripped off his shirt and dove onto the bed, catching that hand and sliding up along side Zhengxi, kissing him hard.

He Tian watched for a while, knees to the edge of the mattress and marveling at his own ridiculously amazing life. How the fuck had they pulled this off?

Jian Yi detached from Zhengxi and crawled back to him, grabbing the front of his joggers and pulling him onto the bed. They twisted and kissed and Jian Yi pushed until He Tian was on his back beside Zhengxi. He took off his shirt, grunting when Jian Yi pulled off his pants. He shivered when a hand slid over his shoulder, fingers sliding across his neck to grab at his jaw and turn his head to the side.

Xi stared back at him, flushed, half-lost to Red’s mouth, but still cautiously glancing at He Tian’s lips. He Tian gasped when Jian Yi licked his hard sex and then started sucking, but before he could swear, Xi was kissing him. It was sensory overload and he loved it. His hand slid into Jian Yi’s hair, messing up the knot. The night was a tangle of limbs. Before he could lose himself, Jian Yi had climbed up his hips and both he and Xi had watched him sink himself on He Tian, bouncing slowly.

Zhengxi stopped Red and pulled him up the bed, whispering something in his ear while his fingers explored the redhead. He Tian suspected he was asking, plotting, before Red smiled that lazy, lust-filled grin of his and Xi picked him up again, moving him up the bed toward them. He put Red on all fours, so close to He Tian that he had to either grab on to He Tian’s shoulder with his left hand or just curl it to his body.

For a second all that mischief and bluster flickered out of the redhead, his cheeks still pink and eyes hazy when they stared down at him. All the questions were there. He Tian tapped his shoulder, offering the spot to him. Red hand slid shakily across his chest, grabbing on to He Tian’s shoulder just before Zhengxi pushed into his body, making his swollen mouth go wide and eyes lose focus for a second. He Tian watched it all, mesmerized. His hips flexed, resisting the urge to thrust up into Jian Yi’s body bouncing on him. He watched Red’s face, up close, and felt his hand flexing and twitching where it clung to him as he was fucked. By the end, he had one hand on Jian Yi’s thigh and the other on Red’s side, feeling both of their pulses.

Red whined when he was close and Jian Yi grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him up and straining his body to kiss him, tongue delving deep into his mouth. He Tian slid his hand from Jian Yi’s thigh to his straining cock, stroking him when he was close—when they were all close—and they ended in a ripple, the first setting off the second and so on until they were all spent and shaking and panting.

He Tian, having been the one under the others, ended up being the only one that needed a quick shower after—and when he came back out of to the room, the other three were passed out. Jian Yi had pulled on his absurd, bright, briefs—these ones blue with little pink robots. Xi had sweatpants on and a blanket bunched up around his chest. And Red had his briefs and a hoodie on—the hood up and his body curled sideways into a ball against Xi’s blanket mound. They were perfect. He turned off the last light and climbed into bed. Ji’s hand found his like a magnet, pulling his arm around him until they were pressed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already started on the next chapter but I wanted to get this up quick because I have to travel next week, so my computer will be on the move--which means I can write but I won't have internet to upload anything even if I finish stuff. But hopefully I'll have more to post on the weekend!! Thanks so much for reading and an extra big thank you to everyone leaving comments! <3


	9. Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check those tags! Hurt/comfort conversations ahead! <3

He Tian woke to a body squirming against his side and before even opening his eyes, he knew it was Jian Yi. He knew him too well not to know—not to recognize that mischievous energy or the press of his erection against his thigh as he rubbed against him.

He opened his eyes and remembered where they were—far from alone. The room was dark, daylight thinly framing the thick blackout curtains in an effort to get inside. Red was asleep on He Tian’s right and Zhengxi on Jian Yi’s other side, with them in the center. Jian Yi nipped at He Tian’s neck, his hand sliding down the naked flat of He Tian’s stomach and dipping into his briefs to rub his sex awake. Jian Yi had a taste for exhibitionism and risky sex in situations where he might get caught. Of course, getting caught here wouldn’t really be a problem—but He Tian wouldn’t spoil his fun by pointing that out.

He caught the blonde’s arm, pulling up and lifting the man, flipping him quickly and almost soundlessly onto his chest in the middle of the bed. He bent Jian Yi’s arm up and behind his back, pinning him down and laying on top of him, rubbing himself against Jian Yi’s ass—their briefs the only thing between them.

“H-He…” Jian Yi began to whimper.

He Tian leaned over him to growl in his ear. “Shhh… If you wake them up, I’ll stop.”

Jian Yi bit into his lip, hips pushing back to rub his ass against He Tian’s hard on.

He Tian used his free hand to push Jian Yi’s underwear down just far enough to expose his ass and then his own enough to take out his cock. He stroked himself a few times, biting his own lip when Jian Yi used the hand not held against his back to part his ass cheeks, offering himself up. He Tian pressed the head of his sex against Jian Yi’s asshole and pushed, for a long second he thought it wouldn’t go without prepping but then he was sliding down inside him. He Tian shivered, realizing that Jian Yi had prepared himself, either optimistic or just masturbating in a bed full of sleeping lovers.

Jian Yi made a thin, groaning sound and He Tian froze—sure that they’d wake someone. Jian Yi grabbed at his own face, smothering himself. Red rolled over but didn’t wake. He Tian started thrusting, slow steady motions not to jar the other two out of sleep, but driving Jian Yi slowly mad. Soon the blond was biting on his own fingers, mewling and drooling and rocking his hips back into He Tian’s thrusts.

* * *

Zhengxi woke, face down on a bed in a hotel room, with the sounds of sex in the back of his head—someone whining and someone thrusting—and then he realized it wasn’t in the back of his head, it was behind him, in the bed with him.

Before he could think, or remember where he was or with whom, he was sitting up and turning toward the sounds, toward the shadows still unformed to his tired eyes. He shoved at the one on top, holding the other one down. Xi’s voice choked in his throat before he could even determine what he meant to say, only a strangled “no,” escaping.

The man grabbed the arm Zhengxi thrust out to push him, held on to him and convulsed with a shudder that Xi realized meant the guy had just finished. The one under him let out a tightly held moan, finishing too, and reality caught up to Zhengxi. He Tian stared back at him, flushed and panting a little from his own release, but brows pulling together in confusion. Zhengxi pulled back and for one horrifying second thought He Tian wouldn’t let go, but he did—of course, he did. Zhengxi rolled out of bed. “Sorry,” he muttered and went straight for the adjoining door to the other room.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Daylight burned his eyes, they hadn’t drawn the blackout curtains in this room. He’d shower and get his head straight. Fuck, he hated hotels. He jumped in surprise when He Tian caught up with him at the bathroom, catching the door before Zhengxi could close it. He had his briefs pulled up now, still a little winded and pupils blown from lust. “Xi,” he breathed.

Zhengxi groaned and blinked hard against daylight, scrubbing a hand over his face. He _had_ just woken up. “Hn?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Zhengxi nodded.

He Tian didn’t look entirely convinced, his hand still holding the bathroom door open. Was he expecting Zhengxi to invite him in to join him? Did he have to? He just needed to wake up and have a few minutes alone. “You know I wasn’t…” He Tian started and Zhengxi forgot his own issues when he saw how uncomfortable and distressed He Tian looked under that cool exterior. Of course, he knew He Tian wasn’t hurting Jian Yi.

“Fuck, no,” Xi said and stepped closer rather than backing away into the shower where he really wanted to be. This was suddenly more important than his own comfort. He touched He Tian’s chest. “I was still asleep and I didn’t know who was doing what. Sorry, if I fucked up the mood…”

He Tian looked relieved but still kept watching him like he was reading some secret text inside Zhengxi’s eyes. He didn’t like that. He took his hand back and ruffled his own hair. “I’m gonna shower. You guys can sleep in if you want.”

He Tian took a step back, letting go of the door. “Okay.”

Zhengxi nodded again and closed the door. He almost reached out to lock it, but didn’t. He’d woken up bad, but that hadn’t changed anything. These were his friends—more than friends.

* * *

He Tian had showered in the other room after ordering breakfast from room service. It’d take a while to get up here. After getting dressed he found Zhengxi in the other room working on songs and left Red and Jian Yi to sleep in. He couldn’t shake that sound Zhengxi had made when he suddenly jerked upright out of sleep and tried to shove him off of Jian Yi. It had been all anger and fear knotted around a small no.

And there had been something about the way Xi startled sometimes and in his tone when he said he hadn’t bottomed in a while. Uncomfortable and almost afraid. “Xi?” He Tian asked, sitting at the table with a pad of paper and lyrics he was working on.

Zhengxi grunted from the floor next to him, his back to the still made bed and one leg stretched out—pad of music sheets balanced on his knee.

“What was your worst sex?”

Zhengxi’s pen scratched through the page and he looked up. For a second, he looked like he had the other night when He Tian came up behind him. “Why?”

He Tian shrugged. “You told us your best…”

“Are you going to tell me _your_ worst?” Zhengxi asked and there was some bite to it now, defensive maybe?

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Some of Zhengxi’s anger wore off in surprise, and then there was a flicker of hurt. “What did Red say?” he asked quietly.

He Tian fought the impulse to raise an eyebrow at that. What did Red have to do with it? “Nothing.”

Zhengxi tossed the notebook down. “Does it really matter?”

“To us being together? No, not at all. But when it comes to me not freaking you out and being able to look out for you, yeah, it matters.”

“Why do you need to look out for me? And I’m not freaked out.”

He Tian did raise his eyebrow then because they both knew damn well that he had spooked Xi the other night when he came up behind him while Jian Yi and Red were in bed and again this morning. “I like you,” he said instead of pointing out any other facts. Nothing else really mattered. “I’ll drop it if you want.” It was obviously upsetting him. He’d never seen Xi this visibly bothered and he’d seen him punch a guy and rescue Jian Yi from a barfight, and he’d seen him get hit by Red. And in neither of those moments had he looked anywhere near as uncomfortable as he did right now. He Tian would drop it for now if that was what he wanted.

Xi groaned and looked away, at the door between the rooms, and cringed as though the reminder that they were in a relationship changed something. “It’s not a big deal,” he said quietly, still looking at the door.

He Tian bit the inside of his lip to keep from arguing. Whatever it was, it was obviously a big deal if it was bothering Zhengxi.

“It was a couple years ago. I was at a club downstairs in a hotel with my band. Some guy put something in my drink.”

He Tian tasted blood but stayed quiet, certain that if he said anything, he could stop whatever was coming and it needed to be said.

Zhengxi shrugged the way he did when things were being blown out of proportion—the way he did when Jian Yi made a huge deal out of nothing or the manager was yelling. He either wanted to pretend this was just as stupid or he really thought it was as unimportant. “I don’t remember all of it. He walked me out of the club, practically carried me, I remember seeing one of my bandmates… He waved and said something about seeing me tomorrow for practice.” He put his forehead against his knee, smiling grimly and hiding the tears in his eyes.

He Tian swallowed hard, crushing all the things he wanted to ask and say about how someone who knew him—someone in his fucking band—hadn’t noticed there was something wrong with him.

“It wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t beat me up or anything and I’m fine,” he said, like he’d said it a thousand times to make himself believe it, but the words still grinded in his throat.

He Tian waited but Zhengxi had gone quiet, thinking, trying to put himself back into his usual state of control, maybe? He Tian slid quietly off his chair and onto the floor in front of Zhengxi. He moved slowly, closer until he had one leg bent over Xi’s stretched out one and one hand on his thigh, close enough to hear him breathing. He didn’t cringe, so that was good. He Tian wanted to ask, “what do you need?” or “how do I help you?” like he might with Jian Yi. But that wasn’t fair and it wouldn’t work. Jian Yi would hear the question for what it was and tell him what he needed. Zhengxi had barely been able to handle them pushing icepacks at him for his hand. He would say “nothing” and try to be better at cramming his feelings down. He wouldn’t want to burden them. If he saw a way out of this, he’d take it.

“What happened?” He Tian asked, voice low. He could guess but he didn’t want to, maybe because a part of him was still groping for any other answer.

Zhengxi’s forehead stayed to his knee. “I don’t remember all of it. It was like my body was too heavy to move and I could barely keep my eyes open. It didn’t matter anyway. I was facedown on some hotel bed and he was behind me, on me, I couldn’t even turn my head to see him. I could barely breathe. I thought he was going to crush me.”

He Tian rubbed his back, focusing only on Xi right now and not his own pointless anger and heartache at the idea of something like that happening to his friend. “He raped you?”

Zhengxi’s eyes opened, staring at the floor. He nodded.

“You don’t know who it was?”

“No.”

“And no one knew?” That was the hardest part for He Tian to swallow. How could no one see it? _He_ had seen it years later, a wound still open.

Zhengxi lifted his head and sighed, seeming a little lighter now, maybe because whatever he’d been trying to hide was out, or, maybe because someone knew. He Tian couldn’t imagine choking on a truth like that, something that confusing and painful. “We had a break between tours, a couple months after that party, so I just went home. I kept thinking anyone I talked to would see it on me, this thing that happened, but they didn’t.” He forced a shrug, still trying to convince himself it was okay. And then a spasm shot through his body and he straightened, looking at He Tian—they were so close now that he had to tip his head up. “I don’t have anything. I swear, I got tested—”

He Tian kissed him softly to make that train of thought stop. Xi looked so raw. Like he really expected to be tossed out or judged.

Xi relaxed a fraction and it felt huge. When He Tian broke the kiss and looked at him, he looked so surprised that it hurt. “I like you,” he said again, because it was just as true now as it had been before Xi told him. It hadn’t changed anything. Xi’s shoulders sagged in relief.

“Red knows?” He Tian asked.

The blond winced and shrugged, glancing at the door over He Tian’s shoulder again. “He’s knows something happened.” He cringed and looked away, all those conflicting thoughts and feelings playing out in his dark eyes. “It’s nothing compared to what he probably went through with She Li… It’s not like the guy hit—”

“Stop,” He Tian said, almost begged. “It’s not the same but it’s not less horrible. It matters. You matter.”

Zhengxi stared at him, surprised.

He Tian still had his arms loosely around Xi. He hadn’t really realized how alone Xi had been before. He’d had a band but they hadn’t been close and he lived far from any of his family. Everyone liked Xi—but almost no one really knew him.

“So,” He Tian started again when the silence stretched. He needed to get this whole conversation out in case Xi didn’t want to revisit it in the future. “In bed, you don’t like when you can’t see who you’re with… Like when I came up behind you?”

Xi winced. “It’s not you… It’s not that I don’t trust you or something, I just…”

He Tian nodded. “I get it. Have you bottomed since then?”

The blond shook his head tensely. “No. But I will,” he rushed to add, like it was contractual.

It was He Tian’s turn to wince. “That’s not how this works. You don’t do things you don’t want, Xi. And you don’t owe any of us anything sexual. If you want to try it sometime, we can, but it’s not something you need to worry about.”

Zhengxi stared at him for a second and for the first time since this conversation started, that panicked fog in his eyes cleared and he seemed to really see He Tian again. He nodded. He knew these things, of course he did, but that scared part of him had still run away with ideas. Maybe without the rest of him even realizing. He took notice of their closeness for the first time too, glancing down at where He Tian sat, practically around him, hands on him, and for one second He Tian worried he would pull back or startle again—but he was himself again, steely and a little bit of a mystery. He touched He Tian’s arm casually, mapping skin with his fingertips. “Do I have to tell the other?” he asked, like a friend might for advice, staring at a point on He Tian’s shirt.

He shook his head slowly, Xi’s fingers trailing higher, over his collarbone now. He did it so casually, like they had been touching each other for years. “You don’t have to do anything. But it’d be good for them to know what you want or don’t want, especially when it comes to sex…”

Zhengxi raised an eyebrow, like he doubted it would be a problem.

He Tian grinned then. “You thought I was the only one that might want to fuck you? Jian Yi has bent me over a table more than a few times…”

Zhengxi looked up to catch his gaze, searching for a joke and then for a moment seemed to be imagining it. He nibbled the corner of his lip—seeming to like whatever image he’d conjured—and then the smile faded when he remembered what they were talking about. “Can you…” he took a deep breath and groaned. “Can you tell them? I don’t want to talk about it again.”

He Tian hesitated only because he wasn’t sure that was the best idea. It wasn’t his story. But he couldn’t make Xi do it again either. “If that’s what you want.”

Xi nodded, looking at his shirt again.

“What else?”

Those dark blue eyes shot up to him. “What?”

He Tian smiled gently and moved some of his messy blond hair back from his face. “You’re still thinking, still bothered. What is it? What else don’t you want in the bedroom?” He pulled Zhengxi into his lap, the other man straddling his hips easily and sitting the way they had the first time he kissed him. “Tell me your rules, and I’ll tell you mine. What are you into? We know Red likes being pinned and bitten. And Jian Yi is a bit of an exhibitionist.”

Zhengxi relaxed a little, the context suddenly normal—everyone had things they liked and didn’t like. Rules were normal. He nodded slowly, hands on He Tian’s shoulders, moving up to frame the sides of his neck. “I don’t like being held down or tied up or anything like that. And…” he hesitated, seeming to fight a blush, his dark blue eyes dipping down to fix on his mouth when he said quietly, “No name calling, like slut and stuff… I…”

He Tian nodded, trying not to imagine how one night had left so many marks. “I’m not into name calling either but Jian Yi does like it—to be called names not to call others names,” he said.

Zhengxi relaxed again. “I can do that,” he smirked.

He Tian squeeze Xi’s thighs. “Anything else?”

Zhengxi thought for a second and then shrugged. “That’s it, I guess. I’ll try just about anything else.”

He Tian grinned wide. “Adventurous?”

Zhengxi looked undaunted, still sitting in his lap but no longer unsure of himself. “What were your rules?”

“Oh. I don’t like to be hit. I had a violent upbringing. It’s not something I equate to sex and would like to keep it that way. But I do like when my hair gets pulled and being pushed around sometimes is fun, though I am better at the pushing I think…”

“Are you?” Zhengxi asked with a curious tone. His hand slid up the back of He Tian’s neck and already he felt his nerves tingling. Xi curled his fingers in the back of He Tian’s dark hair and tugged his head back, arching his neck and positioning his mouth under Xi’s, those blue eyes still staring down into his own. “Someday… I am going to want you to fuck me,” he whispered against He Tian’s mouth and he couldn’t help but groan. They could hear Jian Yi and Red in the other room, talking about where the other two had gone and where the fuck that smell of breakfast was coming from. It was only a matter of seconds before they came bursting in. Zhengxi smiled a little, hearing them too. “But not in a hotel room.”

He Tian flicked his tongue out against Zhengxi’s lip. “Oh, I’ll fuck you in the middle of the street if you want, and you can bend me over any table any time.”

Something in Xi’s eyes flared at the idea, maybe touching on what he’d been imagining before. “You mean that?” he asked, serious.

“I really do.”

Zhengxi kissed him just before the door flew open and this time he didn’t jump up and away before the other men came in and saw them.

“Found the food,” Red muttered, walking right around them to the room service cart.

Jian Yi whined. “If you’re going to make out, you should wake me up!” He waited another half-second and then tackled Zhengxi off of He Tian and onto the floor, kissing him as though he meant to taste the dark-haired man on his tongue.

He Tian laughed and stood up, hooked an arm around Jian Yi’s middle and lifting him off of Zhengxi to dump him on the bed near breakfast. “Why? You didn’t wake them up when we fucked this morning.”

Red looked up. He had his hoodie on but he hadn’t pulled the hood up. It wasn’t up as often as it had been the first weeks. His sleepy eyes cleared a little. “Wait. What?”

“You woke _me_ up…” Zhengxi pointed out.


	10. Backstage Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More angsty conversations!

Jian Yi had stopped pacing midway through the quick, hushed conversation. He stood very still in their mostly emptied out hotel room, ready to leave for the last concert and then pile into the tour bus after that. They’d be on the road for almost thirty hours to get to the largest outdoor concert of the summer. And for a few mores minutes, none of that mattered.

He Tian had caught his arm to keep him in the room when Red and Xi headed down with their bags to the waiting car. He told him fast about how he had confronted Zhengxi this morning and their conversation—as close to word for word as he could get it without putting too much of his own opinions or thoughts into the mix. Jian Yi had started pacing when he told him about Xi being drugged at a party and stopped when he got past the bit about his bandmate not noticing anything was wrong and the stranger taking him upstairs to a hotel room.

The blond stared at a point on the floor, arms crossed tightly and a crease in his brow that was almost never there. His eyes closed when He Tian told him he’d asked if the man had raped him and he had. He Tian hated telling it. It felt dangerously like a betrayal and he had to remind himself again and again that he’d been asked to tell them. And he hated telling it because it tasted bad, it made his heart hurt and he could see it hurting Jian Yi too. It was like a wound that spread from one heart to another.

When he was done the silence hung between them and He Tian waited, watching his friend carefully for signs of what he wanted to do. For once, he wasn’t really sure what Jian Yi would do. He knew if Zhengxi had told him—or if this conversation had happened in front of him—he would have been careful about his reaction, he would have put all his focus and attention on Xi and how he was doing now and what he needed. But Xi wasn’t here right now.

His hand came up, nails painted black and pinching the bridge of his nose. He nodded in the silence like they’d agreed on something. Or maybe he was just signaling that he had heard and understood.

“We talked about rules for the bedroom—what he doesn’t want,” He Tian continued, not wanting to waste time since they had so little of it just the two of them. “No restraints or holding him down. No coming up behind him. No name calling.”

Jian Yi winced, nodding, still pinching the bridge of his nose. He had suspected, they both had, but He Tian knew it was still hard to hear the reality of it. They cared about Zhengxi. “Okay,” he exhaled tightly. “Have you told Red?”

He Tian shook his head. “I’ll look for a chance to talk to him alone before we get on the bus tonight and head to the next venue.”

“About that,” Jian Yi said about the outdoor concert they’d be playing for the next week. “She Li is going to be there. I don’t think we should leave Red alone.”

He Tian grimaced but nodded. And they both stood there for another second. He knew Jian Yi was waiting for some signal that their little private conversation was over and He Tian wasn’t even sure what else he wanted to say before they caught up with the other two.

“What was your worst relationship?” He Tian asked suddenly, surprising even himself.

Jian Yi blinked at him. “Jin, back in high school… You know that.”

He Tian nodded. Yeah. Of course, he knew. They were best-friends. Jin had been an emotional rollercoaster—in his twenties back when Jian Yi was still seventeen and a complete asshole. The relationship had only lasted half a year, but it had been an ugly half year. Jin had been possessive and jealous and manipulative, but he’d never tried to hit Jian Yi. And the whole relationship had come to a grinding halt when Jin’s jealousy finally peeked and he tried to demand Jian Yi stop hanging out with He Tian.

He Tian scrubbed a hand over his face. Why was he even asking?

Jian Yi took a step closer, brushing the backs of his fingers against He Tian’s hand until he grabbed it. “We looked out for each other,” he said quietly, reminding his friends that nothing like that had ever happened to him—that he didn’t have any well-guarded secret from him or deep pain eating away at him. He Tian knew all of Jian Yi’s secrets. He’d gotten into plenty of fights but no one had ever pinned him to a bed and—He Tian cringed against his own thoughts. He had protected Jian Yi and Jian Yi had protected him, just the constant presence of someone that loved them keeping most assholes and toxic relationships back. But no one had been looking after Xi or Red.

Jian Yi gave He Tian’s arm a shake, making him open his eyes to look at the pale blond. Jian Yi looked tired himself, but he smiled. “Shit happens. We’ll look after them from now on.”

* * *

They’d arrived at the venue and gone through the whole concert, checking lights and sound before going to the dressing rooms to get ready while the place was filling up with fans and then doing the actual concert. It went great, but the whole time, Red couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off with Zhengxi.

It wasn’t exactly easy to notice that something was off with the blond, especially in public, but it was and he knew it.

The concert went great. He Tian wore that Gucci shirt with the blood-stain handprints on the front. He never said anything directly to Red about it but it made him blush when the first saw it. Why hadn’t he just thrown it out or washed it? Subconsciously, he curled his fingers into his palms and rubbed the crescent scars there, realizing it had been a while since he last dug his nails into his skin. Had that time—that day he met He Tian—been the last?

They were in the venue for hours after the concert signing things and taking pictures with fans before Jian Yi and He Tian went to handle something to do with the tour bus and Zhengxi and Red went back to the dressing room to shower and change.

Again, something was wrong with Zhengxi. He had never been chatty but he usually made some kind of conversation when it was just the two of them. Red supposed he was a dick for not doing any of that work himself and now feeling irked that the other guy wasn’t doing it.

Xi came out of the showers and pulled on a pair of boxer briefs and his sweatpants. He scrubbed the towel against his hair absently, staring at his reflection blankly in the big mirrors along the back of a table now littered with their clothes and half-eaten snacks.

Red watched him, eyes narrowed. “Why are you weird?”

Xi’s head jerked up, brows pinching together almost angrily. “I’m not.”

“You are. But you usually aren’t. Are you high?” He came closer, worried now and looking him over with even more scrutiny. He was usually a big believer of leaving other people alone. He’d never considered himself nosy let alone smothery. But there was definitely something wrong with Xi. His pupils weren’t blown and his eyes weren’t bloodshot. He didn’t smell like alcohol either.

Xi rolled his eyes and looked away, pretending to be busy with getting ready. “I don’t do drugs. I’m fine.”

Red caught his wrist, thumb stroking across his skin to feel his pulse jump. The blond froze. He was on edge. “What the hell are you afraid of?” he asked, quiet now, worried.

Zhengxi pulled his wrist free and shook his head. “It’s nothing. Just thinking.” He looked away and Red realized he’d barely made eye contact with him today. Almost as soon as he caught that blue gaze, it would dart away from him.

If they were dating, he might think Xi was trying to dump him—or that he’d cheated.

But weren’t they kind of dating? They were definitely more than friends.

“What the fuck?” Red demanded.

Xi groaned—actually groaned!

Red felt warm with anger. “Are you leaving? Are you fucking around? What is it?” Even as he was asking, a part of him was screaming at himself to shut the hell up! He was making an ass out of himself. _Play it cool. Be calm, motherfucker!_ But the part with his mouth wasn’t listening. He had had the best few weeks of his entire stupid life and already Xi was sliding?

“Jesus! Nothing, like that!” Zhengxi almost laughed, sitting on the table with his back to the mirror now.

Red stared at him, unconvinced. His mind ran through lists of possibilities. Xi wasn’t high or drunk. He wasn’t planning to leave the band or whatever the fuck they were outside of being a band. He said he wasn’t afraid of anything_, just thinking_. What the hell did that mean?

Xi started stuffing their clothes back into their bags. Red had showered and dressed already. Maybe Xi just had bad days sometimes? No. He’d spent more than a month with him, all day every day, and was pretty sure he had a handle on Xi’s moods. They were subtle as fuck but impossible to miss once you were paying attention. “You’re obviously upset.”

Xi raised an eyebrow like Red was the crazy one.

Red glared.

Xi’s shoulders sagged and he dropped the bag he was stuff. He sighed, glancing around like he was making sure they were still alone and nodding defeat. “Yeah. Fine.”

Red took a step closer, mind racing to think if he’d done something to upset Xi. Red was fully aware that he was difficult, but he really couldn’t think of anything particularly dickish he’d done today.

Xi sighed and sat down on the table again, looking at the floor between them. “He Tian was supposed to talk to you but I don’t think he had the chance. You know, people don’t usually notice when I’m… off. It’s kind of upsetting…”

Red came closer, standing between his knees, scared now. “What are you talking about?” His mind raced. They’d all had physicals recently, mostly to make sure none of them had any STDs so they could ditch condoms in the future and save millions of dollars (Jian Yi’s idea). He’d gotten his back this morning, clean as can be and kind of surprised considering how unsafe everything about his life up until now had been. Panic made his pulse jump in his throat. He touched Zhengxi’s thighs on either side of his hips. “Are you sick?” he asked.

Zhengxi looked surprised and then shook his head hurriedly. “No. No, I’m fine.” He winced, clearly uncomfortable. “It’s stupid.” He shook his head, trying to find words, hating everything about this moment.

Red exhaled relief. He wasn’t sick. He was fine. But it was how he said “it’s stupid” that rang some bell in Red’s mind. That dismissive, uncomfortable, tone. The blond was still searching for words, trying to figure out how to say something he obviously didn’t want to say but now had to. “Is this about that thing you didn’t want to talk about last night?” They’d brushed against the subject when Xi had said that he was impressed how Red could still be himself, despite what someone else had done to him. And then he’d used that tone, like this tone, about how it wasn’t the same and he hadn’t been beat up.

Zhengxi’s head dropped forward, wet hair in his eyes and jaw flexed. He nodded once.

“You told He Tian?” He wasn’t jealous, he just wanted to understand.

Xi nodded again. “He kind of figured it out and we talked about it this morning…”

And He Tian was supposed to tell Red? So, Zhengxi still didn’t want to talk about it? “Okay,” he said, despite all the impulses to ask him those questions bubbling up in his head. He didn’t want to hear about Xi from He Tian. That felt wrong. But he couldn’t make him tell him either. “It’s not stupid,” he said before the subject could be completely dropped. “Whatever it is,” and he had a few guesses, “it’s not stupid.”

Xi exhaled and nodded, still looking at some spot on Red’s shirt rather than directly at him.

“And you’re all wound up because you think when Jian Yi and I hear about it, it’ll change something?”

Xi sat very still.

Red sighed and nodded. He could understand that, couldn’t he? That was how he felt most of the time. But it wasn’t how things worked, not in real relationships. Not in whatever the fuck their relationship was. He knew it, even though he’d never really thought about before, not from that perspective. He’d only thought about it before the way Xi was now—like all his dirty secrets could destroy his life. “Did it change anything with He Tian?” He didn’t really know He Tian well enough to predict him, did he? But he couldn’t imagine his affections being so easily swayed. He Tian was nothing if not focused.

Xi shook his head tightly.

Red nodded, hands still resting on Xi’s thighs and feeling is tightly wound muscles. The piercing in his lip clicked against his teeth when he chewed at it. Zhengxi looked like his reflection for a second, so uncomfortable with being exposed and possibly pitied or rejected. He knew exactly what was going through his head in that second, even without knowing exactly what had happened. “My ears weren’t pierced before I met She Li. He pinned me down and used a dull thumbtack after I talked back to him in front of the other band members.”

The muscles in Xi’s thighs jumped. “What?”

“Yeah. And I didn’t leave after that. I stayed for another year,” Red went on, watching him carefully. “Does that change anything between us?”

“What?” Xi said again, brow pinching. “No. Why—”

“My dad went to jail when I was a kid and my mom did her best, but it was hard and eventually she just left. I came home and she had taken a bag and disappeared,” he confessed. He’d never told anyone about that.

“Red—” He started to shake his head, like maybe he was going to tell him how that wasn’t the same. How one pain or shame doesn’t equal another.

“I’ve slept with people for money,” he said, voice quiet and cheeks probably turning red. She Li had always called him a whore—maybe he’d just known, but Red had never admitted it. “Once for food and a couple times just because I knew I couldn’t fight my way out.” He didn’t usually even think about it, memories logged away in the file of “survived that shit” and shoved to the back of his mind. But they were there, he’d have to be an idiot not to see how they affected him and all his choices afterward and how they’d prepared him for letting an asshole like She Li push him around.

Red swallowed hard, hating the way his own voice wobbled when he started to ask, “Does that change—”

Xi’s hand wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled him in those last few inches, other arm hooking around his back to hug him. “Stop. It doesn’t change anything.”

Red hugged him back, nodding against his cheek. “And whatever you have for He Tian to tell me, it doesn’t change anything either. So, stop stressing about it. Stop thinking about it. It’s done. I’ll know and if you want to talk about it, we can and if you don’t, we won’t.”

Zhengxi sighed and those tightly wound muscles finally relaxed. “Thanks.”

Red hadn’t meant to confess all those things to anyone, ever, but he felt the same wave of relief in himself that he did in Xi. It was out, it was heard, and it was nothing but a fact about the past.

* * *

Zhengxi opened his eyes and saw He Tian standing in the doorway, looking perfectly unsure what to do. He had obviously walked in on something, stealthy as always, and overheard god knows what, and not known how to escape.

With his arms still around Red, he locked eyes with He Tian. If Xi said anything now, Red would know He Tian had possibly overheard something.

He Tian saw him waiting and gave the door a shove, knocking it against the wall.

Red jumped in Xi’s arms but they didn’t peel apart the way they had last night when He Tian and Jian Yi came back to the hotel room. Was it because they weren’t doing anything sexual or were they just getting more comfortable with this relationship?

Red turned, still standing between his thighs, and looked back at He Tian. His gaze seemed to linger on that macabre Gucci shirt of his. He stepped back and Zhengxi slid off the table, grabbing up the bags.

“The tour bus is out back. Jian Yi says we have to get on the road soon,” He Tian said.

Zhengxi nodded, stepping into his sneakers by the door. For a second he waited for Red and then he realized Red wasn’t moving, leaning against the table and watching He Tian. Xi felt a pang of guilt for creating something so awkward—leaving He Tian to tell his story but then Red’s eyes locked with his. He knew. He understood. It was okay. “I call dibs on the bunk under Jian Yi,” the redhead said and then tossed a smirk at He Tian. “It seems to get the most action.”

He Tian snorted and Xi nodded, ducking out of the room and down the long hall.

Today was weird. It had started bad and gotten strange and maybe tonight would be awkward, but he was pretty sure tomorrow would be better. It was going to be okay. His damage didn’t mean the end of them.

He was almost to the end of the hall when Jian Yi pulled the door open, surprised and then ecstatic to see him. “Hurry up!” he grabbed one of the bags when Zhengxi caught up to him, both of them leaving the building for the restricted parking lot on the back of the concert hall.

“Where’s the bus?” Xi asked, even though he was looking at a tour bus—it just wasn’t the one they’d been traveling around in the last couple months.

“This is the bus!” Jian Yi sang. And when he saw the rise of Xi’s eyebrow he hurried to add, “Okay, so, I kind of got us the smaller bus before to promote… team building.”

“Team building?” Xi repeated, nodding slowly, not convinced. “By that you mean, making sure we heard you blowing He Tian at night?”

“What? I didn’t do that…” his voice pitched in obvious guilt. He snatched Zhengxi by the wrist and pulled him toward the door and up onto the bus, tossing their bags off to the side and stepping out of their shoes. The front was a large sitting area and kitchenette. Further in, there were two bunks and a bathroom.

Zhengxi tried not to laugh. “Ji… I’m not really sure we can fit two to each of these…” he said, looking at the narrow bunks with their dark privacy curtains.

Jian Yi grinned, biting his bottom lip and pulling Xi along to the back of the bus. He opened the narrow door and pressed into a bedroom. A normal bedroom with one big bed.

Zhengxi managed not to react, just looking at it like he didn’t see why Jian Yi was so pleased with himself. “So… Do we draw straws to see who sleeps here and who gets the bunks?”

Jian Yi whined and jumped onto the bed. “It’s obviously big enough for all of us!” He rolled around to prove his point.

Zhengxi stayed standing, watching him. He knew about his worst day—He Tian had told him—but everything was still exactly the same. Like Jian Yi had absorbed it and made it disappear. How did he do that? “So, what about the bunks?” he asked, pretending to be hung up on the two single beds.

Jian Yi stopped rolling, flopping onto his back. “I mean, I guess it’s good to have incase someone wants alone time.”

Zhengxi nodded thoughtfully. “Do you ever want alone time, Ji?”

The pale blond grinned up at him. “Never,” he answered and Zhengxi believed him. And then those light, wheat eyes dragged over Zhengxi’s body—still shirtless. “Wanna fuck before the other two get back?”

“Isn’t the point of a big bed to have company?”

“I guess we could take our time and get caught… But if we start now, we’d be the first,” he whispered, like they were sneaking around—like getting caught hadn’t been his plan all along.

Zhengxi came closer, shins to the side of the mattress and hands in his pockets. “

* * *

“So, how much of that did you hear?” Red asked after the door closed behind Zhengxi. He folded his arms across his chest, fighting the urge to pull his hood up.

He Tian managed not to wince. He’d hoped the redhead would think he’d just walked in. He could lie and say he hadn’t heard anything. Would Red knowing that he’d heard those confessions drive another wedge between them? It seemed like there already was one, it had been there since the day they met. Red was careful around He Tian in a way he wasn’t with Jian Yi and Xi.

“All of it,” He Tian answered, still standing near the door. He’d seen how Red talked Xi down from his anxiety, exposing his own past to prove in terms Zhengxi would understand that there was nothing that could have happened before that would change where they were all at with each other right now. Which also meant that He Tian had heard about Red’s past. He couldn’t lie to him, not with those red eyes studying him. He wasn’t sure he could get away with it, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. “I wasn’t trying to—”

“It’s fine,” Red said too quickly, the words almost biting at the air between them. He looked away. “You’re supposed to tell me something?”

He Tian tensed but he did it—he told Red his whole conversation with Zhengxi from that morning. At some point in the middle, Red pulled his hood up subconsciously, but he never cringed or interrupted He Tian. It was like he understood that this was just as uncomfortable for He Tian to have to say and think about again as it was for Red to hear the first time. And then it was done, and all the confessions were aired out. Red nodded and exhaled and then grabbed his own bag—the last in the dressing room. “Okay.”

He started for the door but He Tian caught his arm at the elbow to stop him from passing. “I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop,” he explained again. The wedge between them had definitely grown, but that could just be because of the awful information about Xi that He Tian had delivered.

Red looked up at him. “Yeah. It’s fine. I believe you.” He answered but still guarded and tense. And then his gaze flicked down to the blood stains on He Tian’s shirt—Red’s own handprints. “Why did you keep that?”

He Tian didn’t have to follow his gaze to the shirt. “It was the day we met.”

“It wasn’t a good day.”

“It wasn’t, but it was important.”

Red stared at his shirt, seeming to think over his reasoning and He Tian waited—wondering how long the redhead would stand there with him before he pulled away and started down the hall to the tour bus waiting outside. But he didn’t pull away this time. Still looking at the stains on the shirt, he said quietly, so tense he could break on his own voice, “You make me nervous.”

He Tian let go of his arm.

Red looked surprised before sighing and shaking his head. “I don’t mean like that. I didn’t mean… Nevermind…” he mumbled, voice growing smaller before he seemed to give up and move past He Tian and out of the dressing room, into the long dark hallway.

He Tian followed, close at his side. He could drop the topic. Maybe he didn’t want to hear the answer? But he needed to and he knew that if he dropped it now, there might never be any coming back to it. “What do you mean then? How do I make you nervous?” he pressed.

Red’s shoulders tensed. Was he walking faster? “Forget it.” He grabbed for the door at the end, pulling an inch before He Tian’s hand pressed against it, pushing it shut and standing over him, inches from his back. Red stared at the hand holding the door shut. He dropped the bag he was carrying and turned around in that small space between the door and He Tian, leaning back and staring up at him. “_That_ is what makes me nervous,” he said, pointing at the hand over his shoulder.

He Tian narrowed his eyes, trying to be understanding and not defensive. “You’re scared of me?” he asked, because Red didn’t exactly look scared.

“Yeah, in a way,” Red admitted, quietly and looking at the stains on his shirt again. He thought they were past Red being skittish about him. They hadn’t had sex yet. Despite the nearness of their sexual activities the last few days, they’d mostly just watched each other.

He Tian was about to take a step back when Red reached out and ghosted his hands over the blood stains on He Tian’s shirt. “I like you,” Red practically whispered. If they hadn’t been completely alone in this hallway, he might never have heard it. “But I don’t know what you want and there’s something dangerous about you that’s familiar and I really, really like you, and it scares the shit out of me because I think I’d let you do anything and unlike Jian Yi and Xi, I don’t know what you want.”

For a long, silent second He Tian just stared at him. He liked him. He would let him do anything. His hand slid off the door, arm dropping back to his side, but still standing so close that he practically had to touch his chin to his chest to look down at Red. “You’re worried I have some secret kink?”

Red winced but nodded, embarrassed. He seemed to sink into the shadows inside his hood. “You obviously have a temper. I’ve seen it. But then I don’t see it with the band. And I’m pretty sure that if you do have some kink you’re hiding, it’s nothing too bad. I mean… I’ve seen Jian Yi and he’s got like no scars—” he rushed out whispers, like his train of thought escaping him—never really meant for another person’s ears.

He Tian was glad he wasn’t looking up at him then because his lip curled in a snarl. No, Jian Yi didn’t have any scars. “I’m not into violent shit in bed and I don’t hit people I like.” Thinking back, despite how wild the last couple nights had been, it wasn’t unfair of Red to feel like he didn’t have a grasp on what He Tian was into. He Tian hadn’t initiated anything but that one blowjob in the elevator. He sighed and took a step back. He Tian realized his first impression on Red had been pummeling that shitbag manager of theirs—or maybe that viral video of him beating the shit out of their ex bandmembers after they attacked Jian Yi. “I have a violent family. I don’t mind getting into fights or using my fists, but I wouldn’t use them on any of you and I don’t get off on pain.” He almost stopped there, because it felt safer, but he owed Red more honesty than that, especially if this was going to work. “I like sex and sometimes I like to fuck hard, but not all the time and if that’s not what you’re into then that’s not how we’d do it. _If _we do it,” he added tentatively.

Red actually coughed a laugh at that and He Tian relaxed a little.

“Still afraid?”

“I didn’t say I was afraid…”

“Still unsure about me?”

Red blushed inside his hoodie, looking away. “No.”

He Tian bent and grabbed up the bag Red had dropped before and then he turned and bent again, picking up the redhead on his shoulder like he had in the crowd outside the bus days ago. Red swore but didn’t kick, one of his hands pressing into He Tian’s back when he tried to hold himself up. “H-Hey, He Tian?” he asked.

He Tian smiled and opened the door, ducking to get them out into the lamplit night. He didn’t know what Red was going to ask, but he liked that tone. It was almost meek but definitely full of trouble. “Hm?”

A pause before Red said, “I like it rough sometimes.”

He Tian grinned, hand automatically flexing where he held the back of one of Red’s thighs, keeping his legs pinned to his chest. “How do you feel about spanking?”

The pause was shorter this time. “I’m not against it…”

He Tian slapped his ass once and almost groaned at the way Red’s breath hitched and his cock jumped a little where it was pressed against He Tian’s shoulder. They were almost to the new bus. “You got your safe word?” he asked.

He felt Red nod before remembering that He Tian couldn’t see him and saying, “Yeah. Pineapples.”

“Then I think we’re going to have a great time.” The door whooshed open and they were both greeted by the rhythmic slapping of skin to skin and Jian Yi moaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written fanfics for a handful of different things but never met a fandom as positive and welcoming and enthusiastic as you all. I'm not going anywhere and this isn't done, I just wanted to say how much I love writing for you. Writing this fic and the few others I have for 19 Days has been such a good experience. You have all been so warm and encouraging. Thank you!! <3


	11. Tabletop

The bus sped along the roads, rocking gently. The blackout curtains were all drawn in the back bedroom, keeping it dark inside no matter how bright it might be outside. Red woke up slowly and for one of the first times in his life, content. He was sandwiched between Zhengxi and He Tian, with Jian Yi on the other side of Xi. He rolled over onto his back and they all shifted with him, easy and comfortable, no one seeming to wake up but just repositioning in the dark.

He thought about the night before, coming back to the tour bus only to find Jian Yi riding Xi in what turned out to be their new bed. After a lot of making out and heavy petting, Red had found himself stripped down and on all fours on the bed, Jian Yi devouring his mouth while He Tian took him from behind. It had started out agonizingly slow. He Tian made him beg for more, actually beg, out loud in front of the other two, and then he’d fucked him in hard ruthless thrusts that pushed him up against Jian Yi. There had been so many hands on him that he couldn’t keep track, so much sensation that he couldn’t think straight.

After they’d all finished, they managed to clean up before passing out. Red hadn’t really given himself time to think until now, to evaluate that level of emotion and intensity. He started the coffee pot and then just stood there, eyes closed, listening to the machine. It had all happened so fast, joining the band and whatever this relationship was with He Tian, Zhengxi and Jian Yi. He’d never been a sentimental person and he’d never been in love. He also wasn’t sure he’d ever been happy before either. For the first time in his life, he felt like he knew what tomorrow was going to be like and it was going to be good. He wanted to be right where he was.

He didn’t hear the bedroom door slide open but he heard it click shut. The coffee machine hissed and hummed. Someone walked up to him and as soon as they slid a hand along his back, curling their arm around his waist to lean against his shoulder, skin to skin, he knew it was He Tian. He nuzzled his face into the side of Red’s neck. “Morning,” he rumbled, voice still sleep deep.

Red leaned back against him, rolling his head to the side to offer up his throat to He Tian’s kissing and nipping. His hands were roaming his sides, as though his palms aimed to touch every inch of his skin. He kissed his way down Red’s neck to his shoulder, biting softly at a spot where he’d bitten last night, dragging another moan out of the redhead. He stopped when Red still hadn’t said anything, hands still and mouth hovering over his shoulder. Red could feel him thinking. He Tian thought a lot about them, he realized—about all of them. “Little Red?” he asked, breath whispering across his skin. “We’re okay?”

Red shuddered. It was the “we” that did it. Like they were all one cohesive thing. If one of them wasn’t okay then none of them would be. He was a part of a “we”. He’d never even thought he wanted that. His eyes opened and he turned around. He Tian was shirtless, in nothing but his black briefs with his dark hair a mess from the pillow. Those dark eyes stared back at him, into him. Red nodded, curling his arms around his shoulders, one hand sliding fingers into the other man’s dark hair to pull gently. He nodded, “We’re okay.”

A lazy grin pulled at one side of He Tian’s mouth, like he heard all his wants in the tone of his voice, or saw it in his eyes. Red pulled He Tian’s face down to his and leaned up, kissing him hard. It was a battle of want, of tongues and teeth. Red pulled at He Tian’s body until he had backed himself up to the little dining table. Breathy, still kissing, he reached down between them to slid He Tian’s underwear down his hips, moaning around his tongue when he felt the other man’s hardon bounce against his hip. He stroked him and He Tian broke the kiss to drop his head back and groan.

Red shivered, stroking him a few more times before catching his dark gaze. “Fuck me,” he exhaled, not sure himself if he meant it as a demand or a plea.

The dark eyes glazed with want and He Tian’s hands caught his thighs, lifting and dropping him to sit on the edge of the table. His fingers hooked into the sides of Red’s sweatpants and pulled them and his underwear off in a smooth motion. He grabbed his hips, keeping him on the edge of the table and bending his thighs up. Red bit back a moan, swallowing at the sound and starting to drop back, to lay down, but He Tian caught the back of his neck forcing him to stay upright in that cramped position. A finger slid into him and Red groaned, shaking, muscles jumping like he could break free of He Tian’s grip and spread out. He couldn’t. He loved that. The finger moved a few times and Red growled in frustration, glaring at the other man. “Do it,” he ground out, body shaking with too much need. “Fast and hard. Do it.”

He Tian moaned at his words, that dark gaze sweeping over his expression, drinking it in and deciding in a flash if he meant it. He took his hand back and replaced the finger with his sex, pushing against him. For a long second Red couldn’t breathe, waiting, shaking, and then he was opening up and being filled. He tried to lean back again, pressing against the grip of He Tian’s hand on the back of his neck. His lip piercing clicked against his teeth when he bit his lip to keep from calling out and waking up the other two—maybe even resonating through the walls in the front and startling the driver in his private cab.

He Tian held him tight, not letting him move, his hips pounding into him and their foreheads pressed together. “They’ll hear you if you let those sounds out,” he taunted, knowing his thoughts. He fucked him harder, fingers flexing against the back of his neck, dark eyes fixed on him. The staring made it worse, made it hard to hold back his sounds, made him feel so acutely aware of his own body and He Tian’s inside of him.

“Fuck,” Red panted, legs shaking where they were bent against He Tian’s sides. His own hard-on throbbed painfully, close to coming without even touching it.

He Tian continued to move against him, watching him, thumping against the table.

He heard the murmur of voices in the bedroom and flushed in humiliation, though that only turned him on more. He Tian thrust faster, harder, close to his own end. Moans rattled in Red’s throat, his fingers in He Tian’s dark hair, pulling hard when they both finished, convulsing against each other.

They stayed like that for another few seconds, just leaning against each other and catching their breaths. He Tian stroked his fingers down the back of Red’s neck, tracing his spine all the way down his back. He kissed Red, sucking his lip free of his teeth. “You are perfect,” he hummed to himself before leaning back and swiping two fingers across Red’s abdomen, collecting the cum he’d spent on himself.

Red stared at him, more shocked by his words and that casual, honest tone he’d said them in than anything else. He opened his mouth, maybe to argue, but only managed a shuddering huff when He Tian pulled out of him and stepped back, sucking the cum off his fingers.

Red looked down at himself and blushed. He hopped off the table and hurried toward the bathroom, the door right next to the bedroom door. He had just opened it when the bedroom opened and both he and Jian Yi froze there. Jian Yi dragged his light eyes down and then back up Red’s naked body, his mouth quirking with a sleepy smile. “This is why I shouldn’t sleep in.”

Red blushed deeper and hurried into the bathroom. He’d swung the door shut and then gone straight for the walk in shower, but the door hadn’t closed. He looked back, already grabbing at the faucet. Jian Yi following him in, smiling slyly. “What?” Red barked, rinsing himself off in the shower and pretending to be bothered rather than excited. There was always something exciting about having Jian Yi’s full attention.

Jian Yi smirked, like he knew it too, and turned to take a leak.

Red peaked and then noticed how Jian Yi’s smirk had turned into a cocky smile. He was washing his hands when Red turned off the shower. He reached for the rack of towels but Jian Yi grabbed one before he could. Red waited for him to hand it over and for another long second Jian Yi just looked at him, that sly grin still on his perfect face. Finally, he nodded, like they’d agreed on something. “You love us,” he said and tossed Red the towel.

Red caught it and gaped, unsure what to say. Jian Yi had already turned around and reached for the door, looking smug as all hell. He disappeared, leaving Red to dry off. He Tian brought him his joggers, on his way into the bedroom to look for his own comfy clothes.

Red pulled his pants on and came back to the kitchen. Jian Yi and Zhengxi were sitting at the kitchen table, where He Tian and Red had been fucking only ten minutes ago. They both had coffee mugs in hand, a third sitting on the table between them. Zhengxi smiled at Red and pushed the cup over toward the edge, for him.

Red came over, glancing at Jian Yi briefly but the pale blonde showed no signs of his previous thoughts or smugness. He sat down next to Jian Yi, across from Xi, and sipped his coffee. It was black with sugar, just the way he liked it.

“I want grilled cheese,” Jian Yi decided.

Zhengxi stared at him, deadpan. “Then go make it.”

Jian Yi pouted. “Make it for me?”

“Why?”

“Because you make it best?”

“Try again.”

“Because you like me?”

“Try again,” Xi sipped his coffee, leaned back and endlessly patient.

“Because I’ll give you a blow job?”

“You’d blow me anyway.”

Jian Yi nodded gravely, coffee mug in both hands. “You know me too well.”

Red took another sip to hide his smile.

* * *

He Tian smiled to himself, listening to them while he dug a clean pair of joggers from one of his bags and pulled them on before snagging a hoodie from the floor. It wasn’t his. He leaned out the door and held it up. “Xi, mind if I wear this one?” he called.

Zhengxi glanced up at the gray hoodie in his hand before smiling in a way that suggested He Tian could take any of his clothes he wanted. “Go for it.”

“Get my phone?” Jian Yi called.

He Tian laughed at his friend’s laziness and ducked back into the room, pulling the hoodie on and climbing over the bed to the far wall where Jian Yi’s phone had been charging. He found it easily, tapping the fingerprint circle to bring it to life. Jian Yi had stored He Tian’s prints into his phone months ago. He had opened it up meaning to send a text to Red with Jian Yi’s number—not even sure what he was going to send but pretty sure it would involve a dick pic—when he noticed a text message already waiting to be read, from an unknown number.

He opened it and stared at a picture of Jian Yi in the lobby of their last hotel, taken at a strange angle and height, like someone had their phone low and out of sight. His first thought was that the taker hadn’t known Jian Yi well if they thought he’d be upset about a fan or paparazzi photo. In reality, he would have posed for it, or done something scandalous to entertain them. But then he read the short message with the picture. “I’m close. Do you feel afraid?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff before we dive into some drama! I hope everyone is taking care and doing well right now.


	12. Party Lights

“It’s probably a joke,” Jian Yi shrugged, pushing the phone away from himself. It wasn’t a particularly good picture of himself. Red had looked at it over his shoulder, still sitting at the little kitchen table on the tour bus and drinking his coffee. He didn’t even think to be angry that He Tian had looked at his text messages. Jian Yi had never valued privacy. He invaded everyone else’s so much that it would be hypocritical to care.

Zhengxi snatched the phone up, frowning at the message under the photo of Jian Yi in the lobby of their last hotel. _I’m close. Do you feel afraid?_ Jian Yi looked away, mostly to keep from pointing out that it was nothing compared to the creepy shit Xixi’s Instagram stalker posted. But he wasn’t sure if Xi even knew that he had an instacreep.

“It doesn’t sound like a joke,” He Tian argued. “Have you gotten other messages like that?”

Jian Yi pressed his lips, making a point of thinking carefully. “No… They’re usually sexier than that.” He noticed how they all stared at him and prickled. “What? I have fans!”

Red cracked a smile, at least that was something. “How often are your fans creepy?”

Jian Yi shrugged. “Define creepy?”

Red smothered a laugh against the lip of his coffee mug. Bless him for not being easily scared. Jian Yi turned sideways, toward Red, and hooked his arms around the other man’s middle, pulling him into a side hug.

“I’ll call He Cheng,” He Tian decided.

Jian Yi groaned against Red’s shoulder.

“Who’s He Cheng?” Xixi asked.

“His brother,” Jian Yi sulked. He was not a fan of He Cheng. Big brother always made him nervous. The guy was way too serious. “Call him if you want, but there will be security at the festival. We’ll be parked in the band and staff area for the week, surrounded by other bands. I am literally never alone. Do you know how many times people have tried to kidnap me?”

Red lost his smile at that, head turning to look at Jian Yi with a raised brow. “That doesn’t make it sound better…”

He Tian frowned. “Yes. I do know. I’m usually the one pulling you out of people’s arms when they try to pick you up and run off with you.”

Jian Yi nodded, as though this proved his point. “Exactly. Someone is always right there.”

Zhengxi had joined He Tian in frowning. “People have actually tried to abduct him?”

Jian Yi thumped his mostly empty mug down. “I’m right here!”

“Yes,” He Tian confirmed. “Literally just picked him up and started walking off toward a van.”

“It wasn’t a van…”

He Tian shot him a withering glare.

Jian Yi shrugged. “Made for great news.”

Zhengxi finished his coffee. “Call your brother,” he agreed with He Tian. The dark-haired man got up, snatching Jian Yi’s phone from the table to make the call.

Jian Yi rolled his eyes. “At least make me a sandwich if you’re going to pick on me,” he whined.

Zhengxi smiled sympathetically and nodded, his coffee was empty anyway. “Grilled cheese?” he asked Red.

Red nodded, leaning back into Jian Yi’s arms.

The tour bus was trundling down the freeway, making good time and carrying them to their next destination. Jian Yi pulled and wiggled until he had his long legs on either side of Red, his chest to the other man’s back.

“Are you worried about it?” Red asked, voice low while the other two were too busy to be listening anyway.

Jian Yi smiled against the back of Red’s neck. He loved that tone. The bassist was asking if it was something he should take seriously. He was conspiring with him. Trusting him to give him the measure of a situation. “No. I get weird messages sometimes. I’ll tell you if I’m worried,” he whispered back. He circled his arms around Red’s middle, hands sliding under his shirt to feel his skin. His fingers slid along a risen scar and he shifted a little to see the side of Red’s face when he asked, “Are you worried about She Li?”

Red tensed, with his body practically plastered to and wrapped around him, Jian Yi felt it like it was his own muscles jumping. Those red tinted eyes looked back at him and for a second Jian Yi was sure the bassist would lie—would play it tough and say no. He wouldn’t call him on it—wouldn’t take that away from him. “Yeah,” Red confessed quietly. “But it’ll be fine,” he hurried to put it away, to keep it from becoming anyone else’s problem.

“Do you think he’s dangerous?” Jian Yi asked quietly. He Tian had returned from the bedroom where he had made the call and was talking to Xixi—arguing the art of grilled cheese.

Red reached up, fingers clawing briefly at his short red hair before sliding back down. He wasn’t wearing his hoodie. He couldn’t pull it up and hide. “Yeah,” he muttered and then got up, unraveling from Jian Yi easily and sliding out of the booth. He mumbled a ‘be right back’ and disappeared past the other two, into the bedroom. Jian Yi would put money on that their redhead would return in a hoodie.

He Tian came over, knees to the bench seat and long body leaning over to steal a kiss from Jian Yi. It was natural and easy and it lightened his heart. Oh, they had kissed thousands of times, but rarely in public spaces.

“He Cheng is going to send someone to meet us at the festival, to take a look around,” he said when he pulled back and sat down where Red had been. He frowned at the coffee cup in front of him that wasn’t his. “Did you scare him off?”

Jian Yi groaned, kicking at He Tian’s thigh before stretching his legs over his lap. “Maybe.”

Zhengxi returned, dropped a plate stacked with grilled cheese sandwiches. “Red!” he called.

He Tian grabbed a sandwich, handing it to Jian Yi. Jian Yi was about to get up and go get Red when Xi waved him back into his spot. “I’ll get him.”

* * *

Zhengxi opened the door to their bedroom. _Theirs_. He liked that. He hadn’t missed whatever lowspoken conversation between Jian Yi and Red had sent the bassist running. The bedroom was dark, the covers a mess, and Red was standing there in one of his hoodies with the hood up and his eyes closed.

“You good?” Xi asked.

“Yeah.” Red nodded but didn’t move.

“You want some time alone?”

Red shook his head.

“They’ll understand.” Sometimes everyone needed time alone, well, everyone but Jian Yi.

“I don’t want to be alone.” Red said, voice hushed but made raw by the honesty of those words, surprising even himself. His eyes opened slowly and he sighed. “I don’t want to be the cause of problems for them… or you…”

Zhengxi moved closer, catching Red’s arm and turning him toward him. He smiled despite himself. “So, I was worried about the past and you’re worried about the future?”

Red looked up at him, chewing his lip.

“Stop worrying about it. It doesn’t change anything and you’re missing right now. Any one of us could be the cause of problems. Would you leave us if it was the other way around?”

Red frowned. “Of course not.”

Zhengxi caught Red’s chin and tipped his face up into his, kissing him. He tangled their fingers together and when he pulled back, turned and led the other man out of the room and into the open area of the tour bus, toward the smell of grilled cheese and the low laughter of He Tian and Jian Yi.

The rest of the day was a dream, a glimpse of a perfect life where everything was easy and they were surrounded by people that loved them. Zhengxi couldn’t help but think it at one point, sitting at that kitchen table now covered in notebooks and going over lyric ideas with He Tian, both of them pitching them to Red and Jian Yi where the two sprawled on the couch together—Jian Yi painting Red’s nails black. He understood why Red panicked. He Tian and Jian Yi were prepared to have life work for them, to get things right and keep them. But Zhengxi and Red had been forced to lower expectations and this was never how either of them had expected life to turn out. It felt too perfect. Dangerous. Fragile just for being so good.

He felt He Tian’s dark eyes on him then and realized he’d zoned out—stared at the other two laughing and playing around on the couch for too long. He forced his attention back down to the notebook in front of him but the gaze was still on him, still studying him. He turned his head to look back at him, ready to call him a creep or something and make a joke of it, but there was something hauntingly insightful about He Tian’s gaze. He was looking into him again. Like he could see Zhengxi’s thoughts and they reflected in the darkness of his eyes. Maybe he did understand.

* * *

When they made it to the park grounds it was already packed with stages, big white tents, a festival of fans, and behind the stages—the maze of tour buses and food trucks.

They’d arrived in the late afternoon, in time to park in their designated spot, get the tour and shown which stages they would be playing with a list of their times for the next week.

He Tian wasn’t surprised to find Brother Qiu waiting for them, looking painfully unimpressed with the whole situation. He stepped onto the bus after the manager and venue rep left. They were still getting dressed for the opening night party.

Jian Yi paused for all of two seconds to run his gaze over Qiu before sighing and tossing his phone to He Tian who handed it over to the white-haired enforcer. There had been another text since that morning from the same number, just a photo of the festival grounds and “I’m waiting.” Brother Qiu looked unimpressed. “This is it?”

Jian Yi shrugged, pulling on an acid-wash denim jacket over his t-shirt. Red came out of the back room in a tanktop and ripped black jeans. He stopped short when he spotted the big guy standing in their bus. Jian Yi quickly slung an arm over his shoulder and pulled him up along side him. “This is Brother Qiu. He’s He Cheng’s… security guy?” Jian Yi floundered and then shrugged. He Tian looked away to hide his smirk.

Qiu looked Red over. “The bassist?”

He Tian nodded. “Red, and Xi’s in the back.”

“Is Brother Qiu coming to the party with us?” Jian Yi asked with false naivety and cheer.

Red smirked. At least he was amused.

He Tian sighed. “Just stick with Jian Yi, okay? Keep an eye on him.”

Brother Qiu practically glares at Jian Yi, but He Tian never doubts that he’ll do the job. He Cheng had sent him and he wasn’t one to disappoint.

“Great. But if anyone asks I’m telling them he’s my new boyfriend,” Jian Yi decided, arm still around Red’s shoulders when he left the tour bus—Brother Qiu on their heels.

He Tian pulled on a leather jacket and was about to tell Zhengxi to hurry up when he finally came out of the bedroom. Jian Yi had put a little eyeliner on him and he’d tried to rub it off, creating a smokey smudge effect that couldn’t be better if Jian Yi had done it on purpose.

Zhengxi stopped short when He Tian stared at him. “What?”

He Tian smiled and held out his hand. “You’re looking good.”

Xi snorted like it was a joke but took He Tian’s hand and let the lead singer lead him out of their tour bus and onto the grass.

The night was warm and lit up with strings of lights between the big white party tents and the glow of some of the other bus windows.

Music thrummed through the whole venue, along with the murmur of hundreds of voices gathering for the meet and greet before the concerts started tomorrow. One of the perks of having Brother Qiu stuck to Jian Yi, was how easy it made him to find in a crowd. The night was a mix of partying, meeting old friends, and doing interviews. It was all informal but Jian Yi always drew a lot of press. He gave good sound bites and great pictures and he never seemed bothered by the questions.

They spent hours circulating, taking pictures and talking. Jian Yi only lost his smile once and He Tian followed his gaze along the bar where he had set himself up for the latest interview. She Li and his entourage were at the other end, getting drinks. The silver-haired man must have felt Jian Yi’s gaze—maybe all of theirs—and looked up. He blinked in that lazy way of his, like he didn’t recognize them at first. And then a cocked a sideways smirk and shrugged once, like he was bored with them. His gaze never even landed on Red. And he didn’t run off either. He sat there for maybe another twenty minutes before someone pulled him out toward a dance floor thick with people.

Maybe She Li wouldn’t be a problem at this event. Considering that Jian Yi had managed to get himself another stalker and Zhengxi still had the creep on Instagram trailing his photos—He Tian wouldn’t mind She Li not giving them a reason to punch him in the face this week.

It was well past midnight when one of the festival coordinators came running up to them, out of breath. It took him a while to get all the details out. Something about a mix up with the equipment and Manager Yu was currently trying to straighten it all out. She needed a couple of them to come verify 19 Days set equipment and help sort it out. Jian Yi offered to go but He Tian laughed and waved him off. “Don’t bother, Brother Qiu won’t carry shit for us just because he’s here.”

Brother Qiu smirked, only slightly.

Zhengxi offered to go with him, seeming more than happy to get away from the party tents for even just a short while.

* * *

Jian Yi was finishing up another interview, answering the same questions about how excited they are to start the festival tomorrow and how their new band mates are fitting in. Red had spent most of the night beside him, shrugging in response to any questions pointed his way. But he hadn’t worn a hoodie tonight. Every so often Jian Yi caught him curling his fingers against his palms like he was trying to grab for something—for the hems of his sleeves to ball into his hands, or lifting an arm to reach for a hood that wasn’t there. Hiding was an old habit. But no one had told him not to wear a hoodie tonight. He just hadn’t. Jian Yi wanted to ask if he was actively trying not to wear them as often—not to hide—but if he wasn’t, asking could ruin it.

“Gotta pee. Don’t go anywhere,” the redhead said in his ear before hopping down from the bar stool and disappearing into the crowd.

Jian Yi almost followed but the bright-eyed interviewer asked him another question, about the rumor that 19 Days had gotten into a bar fight a few nights ago—launching Jian Yi into an elaborate retelling of how some guy had tried to grab him off the dance floor and his new bandmates rescued him.

When the journalist finished and hurried off, Brother Qiu sighed pointedly.

“If you’re bored, you could just leave,” Jian Yi suggested.

Brother Qiu didn’t respond.

“You and He Cheng,” Jian Yi chanced. He hadn’t been alone with Brother Qiu since he was a kid—hadn’t had a chance to pry. “You’re a couple, right?”

Brother Qiu met his gaze, unfazed.

Jian Yi nodded like this was an answer.

Suddenly a drunk man lurched out of the crowd and would have landed right in Jian Yi’s lap if it weren’t for Brother Qiu’s arm suddenly outstretched, hand like a brick pressed to the man’s chest and holding him back.

The man blinked at Jian Yi and then down at the hand.

Jian Yi laughed and swatted Brother Qiu away. “It’s fine! This is Gray. He’s a guitarist. We know him.”

Gray leaned in when he was released, falling against Jian Yi at last and hugging him. He smelled like vodka. “Did you love the pictures?” he asked, laughing.

“What pictures?” Jian Yi played along.

“The creepy ones from your hotel.”

Jian Yi blinked and then grinned, delighted that this whole stalker thing really was a misunderstanding and he could rub it in He Tian’s face for overreacting.

“We were passing through and I caught the end of your concert,” Gray explained.

“So you went to his hotel and took a picture of him in the lobby?” Brother Qiu clarified.

Gray was so drunk he didn’t even question who Qiu was or why he was there. “Yeah. Well, I mean, She Li said it would be funny. He said you guys do stuff like that.” He shrugged, losing interest and starting to look around at the party again—looking for the next person he could maul.

“What do you mean?” Jian Yi demanded, not smiling anymore. “She Li said to take that picture of me?”

Gray nodded, starting to unravel from him. “Yeah. He said to make it creepy and not get caught.”

Jian Yi’s stomach dropped. Gray had left and Jian Yi slid off the stool, standing and looking around the club. “It wasn’t a stalker,” he said. “It wasn’t about me.” How long had it been since Red went to the bathroom? And He Tian and Zhengxi were still dealing with the equipment. They said there'd been a mix up. Had that really been a ploy too? “Fuck,” he shoved at Brother Qiu’s chest. “Find Red. I wasn’t the one in trouble. And if you see that silver-haired shit, knock him out!”

* * *

Red left the loud noise of the party tent. He’d gone to the bathrooms only to walk out and have someone bump into him with a plate of what had to be chili fries. Who the fuck ate chili fries at something like this? He had his ruined shit in hand and was heading back to the tour bus to change—the one great perk of living in a moving vehicle, his wardrobe was always close at hand. Maybe he’d grab one of Jian Yi’s shirts, that’d give the blond a kick. Or that bloody Gucci He Tian loved.

He opened the door and walked up into the dark tour bus. He threw the ruined shirt in the sink. He’d rinse it out tonight and then put it in the laundry bag. He made it three steps into the unlit bedroom, halfway to He Tian’s closet, when he stopped suddenly.

It was the smell, a specific brand of cigarettes and a familiar shampoo. It was She Li. In their tour bus. In that dark bedroom with him.

His heart lurched up into his throat and goosebumps rose along his skin. He was a second away from bolt out of the room and the trailer. He was fast. But he was still a second too late to get out—a second too late to get away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ends kind of cliffhangery... Don't panic!!! I have the next chapter almost finished already!


	13. Spitting Blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I posted two chapters in two days! Bam!
> 
> This is a good chance to remind you about all my warning tags on this story because things are getting bumpy.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone reading this! I would never have made it this far in these fics if it weren't for all of the feedback and encouragement. You are AMAZING to write for! Please don't be mad at me for the angst in this chapter! I need it for the comfort part of the hurt/comfort!!! <3

A body slammed Red up against the closet door, shoving the air from his lungs. She Li leaned in close, lips brushing Red’s ear. “Stupid slut,” he cooed almost affectionately. “You thought I’d let you show up here and play with another band?”

Red grunted and tried to push off the closet door, but She Li used his weight to hold him flush against the surface. He cringed when She Li ran his teeth and tongue along his ear, until he had the stud of his earring clicking against his enamel. “Leave me alone.” Red ground out the words.

She Li bit down and Red choked back a scream. He elbowed the singer in the side and twisted, ducking under his arm and trying for the doorway again. She Li caught him a step out of the room and jerked him back just as they both heard the door to the tour bus whoosh open. Before Red could open his mouth, one of She Li’s hands clamped over the lower half of his face. With his other hand, he twisted Red’s arm up and back behind him, straining his shoulder and holding Red in front of himself like a human shield.

The bus door closed and someone light padded up into the dark living quarters. Light from outside the windows made his pale hair glow.

Red struggled, tried to shouted, but it was all caught in his throat, only drawing Jian Yi closer. He kicked at the nearest fall, hard enough to stop the guitarist near the kitchenette, just close enough that he could make out his beautiful features and see the moment Jian Yi saw them in the shadowy room.

“Get out,” Jian Yi said, voice darker than Red had ever imagined it could be. He wasn’t looking at Red, his gaze fixed on She Li.

“Walk away, blondie,” She Li warned.

“You played a neat game,” Jian Yi practically interrupted. “The fake stalker was a clever bit.”

“Gotta keep He Tian’s focus where it belongs,” She Li confirmed.

“And the equipment issues?”

“Easy to make happen. And I knew you were such an attention whore, you’d be staying behind to deal with interviews.”

Jian Yi nodded, taking a step closer. “What if Red had gone with He Tian, though?”

She Li’s hand moved, letting go of Red’s face, no longer smothering him but wrapping long fingers around his neck. “I had back up plans.” His hand squeezed, pushing Red’s jaw high until he was standing on his toes. “So, tell me, is He Tian enjoying my trash?”

Red cringed, baring teeth and trying to squirm despite the way it strained his shoulder in his socket.

“He Tian?” Jian Yi asked, almost in a daze, taking another step closer to the scene.

Red stilled, his eyes flaring and fixing on him. “Just leave,” the redhead hissed, chest heaving.

“You think He Tian is the one that stole him from you?” Jian Yi went on, ignoring what Red said—ignoring those notes of panic. He wanted to scream at him to stop, to run. She Li was insane. He had printed his abuse in scars on Red’s skin and yet he’d never been more terrified then that second, thinking he could leave a mark on Jian Yi too.

“F-Fuck it, She. I’ll leave with you, okay? I’ll do whatever the hell you want,” Red tried to offer, tried to sound sincere. He meant it in that moment, he would do anything if it meant Jian Yi could just leave. Why wasn’t he running? Did he really think She Li was just bluffing? No. Jian YI knew what kind of person She Li was. Maybe that’s why Red was so afraid—because he could see the quiet fury in Jian Yi.

She Li curled his lip, fingers pressing bruises into Red’s throat, but those yellow eyes fixed on Jian Yi.

“I’m the one that fucks him,” Jian Yi said and reveled in the way those eyes grew. “He’s mine. And I’m not sharing with a piece of shit like you.”

Red’s heart hammered in his throat.

“Bullshit,” She Li snapped.

Jian Yi took another step, passing the threshold into the back bedroom of the bus, close enough that Red might be able to touch him if he reached out and stretched.

Red felt She Li grin against his cheek. “You should have listened to him, blondie. Now I’m going to make you tell the truth.”

Jian Yi didn’t flinch, in fact, he smiled. “Ask him. Ask him who his best fuck is. Ask him who he wants. It’s not you.”

Red held his breath when Jian Yi took that last step up to him, the hand not twisted behind his back gravitating toward him, fingertips brushing his waist. His head felt light and he realized he hadn’t been holding his breath at all—he had stopped breathing. She Li was holding too tight.

Jian Yi’s eyes flared when he realized and all negotiations were over—he burst forward, tackling both of them back onto the bed. Red flinched inwardly, his brain rejecting even the idea of Jian Yi and She Li on a bed together for any reason. For a second he registered Jian Yi straddling his chest, sitting up and lifting his curled fist. He looked angrier than Red could ever have imagined, teeth gnashed and eyes wild. Red cringed when that fist came down, his oxygen deprived brain certain that it was coming for him. He heard the impact, heard knuckles colliding with an eye socket, but he didn’t feel it.

The vice around his throat released and so did the hand holding his arm behind his back. Jian Yi punched a second time, and this time She Li caught his wrist, twisting to redirect the punch into the mattress. All three of them were a tangle of limbs and fists, kicking and struggling. She Li’s nose was bleeding, blood vessels in his right eye burst like splotches of red ink in his eye. But it didn’t slow him—it spurred him on. Red was still catching his breath and just trying to stay between them, to keep She Li from landing any blows when he swung. All he could think was, “Nonono.” A constant stream screaming through his skull.

She Li elbowed Red in the face and then managed to kick him off the bed, out from between them. His arms wrapped around Jian Yi, hugging him close and jerking him to the side, twisting until they rolled and he was on top, straddling the other man. He grabbed a fistful of that blond hair and jerked Jian Yi’s head back, exposing his throat and, to Red’s complete horror, he leaned in and opened his mouth. His jaw actually popped. He was going to bite.

Red felt sick, imagining those teeth marking Jian Yi. He jumped back onto the bed and hooked an arm around She Li’s throat, using all his weight to pull him back. He heard his jaw snap shut, no skin between those teeth. “Enough,” She Li ground out, voice rasping in a way he’d never heard before. And then he heard something he did recognize—the snickt of a switchblade. He saw Jian Yi’s eyes flare where he lay on the bed and then felt the blinding heat of the blade cutting through the arm he’d dared to wrap around She Li’s neck. He jerked back and would have fallen if She Li hadn’t turned on him, grabbing and pulling him around—making a shield of him again but this time his hand didn’t wrap around his neck—this time the blade cut into the side of his throat.

* * *

Jian Yi reached up a hand in instant surrender. He couldn’t blink, eyes fixed on that little blade already pressing into Red’s skin, leaking a thin stream of red down his neck to pool in his collarbone. “Fuck. Stop,” he hissed, afraid to even sit up. His pulse beat in his ears and his mind raced. He had handled this wrong. He had done everything wrong. Fuck.

She Li grinned, mouth smeared in blood leaking from his nose. He dragged in a breath and exhaled like himself again, smug despite his bruised face and broken nose. And why shouldn’t he be? He had the upper hand. “You ruined my fun, blondie,” he practically purred. He sat down slowly on the bed, taking just enough time for Red to sit with him rather than nick an artery. “So how about you apologize?”

Jian Yi shivered but nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’m an asshole. I fucked this up. I’m sorry.” It wasn’t even hard. Jian Yi wasn’t prideful, he was selfish and the only thing he wanted right now was Red.

She Li’s smile grew sly and he leaned back into the headboard, pulling Red along against his chest, the blood overflowed his collarbone and dripping down his bare chest. He wasn’t even crying, that might be the scariest part. Red was dead-eyed, staring at Jian Yi like he was trying to remember him and not be here at the same time.

“Blow me, blondie,” She Li said coldly.

Red groaned like a dying animal. “Don’t do this,” he begged, voice thin and rasping, throat barely moving.

Jian Yi actually felt something relax inside of himself. She Li was still just a sadist looking to get off. He wasn’t an ex-lover out to kill Red and anyone who loved him. He was a possessive asshole angry he lost his favorite toy.

Jian Yi got up onto his knees like he might leave. He saw it in Red’s eyes then, when they woke to fix on his. Everything in that red gaze told him to go—promised it would be okay and they would be okay and it wouldn’t be held against him. And Jian Yi knew if he ran away right now, and left Red to whatever the fuck was going to happen here, he wouldn’t even blame him for it. Red would understand. He would probably be grateful. But how the fuck would Jian Yi live with it?

He shrugged out of his jacket, it had ripped during the fight, and then pulled his shirt off and dropped it before crawling up the bed to She Li and Red. Jian Yi hadn’t missed how Red looked at him sometimes, touching him like his skin was something precious. Hopefully She Li would think the same thing. Maybe he’d even take the knife away from Red.

“Don’t,” Red tried again and Jian Yi wasn’t sure which of them he was begging now. He unzipped She Li’s jeans, opening his fly and shimming his pants down enough to free him. The sadist was already hard. Of course, he was.

* * *

Red grabbed at Jian Yi’s shoulder, trying to push him back but he had no strength like this. She Li moaned when Jian Yi wrapped his mouth around him and Red wanted to die. He’d done this to them, brought someone like She Li into Jian Yi’s life. He forgot the biting pain of the blade against his neck, and that fear that came with his pulse hammering against sharp metal, and tried to strain forward against it. He didn’t care. He’d open his neck and end whatever the fuck this was.

A hand pushed at his chest, pinning him back against She Li. Red’s hand slid up to clutch at it, to lace his fingers with Jian Yi’s over his heart. This couldn’t be happening.

But it was. And he could close his eyes, but he could still hear Jian Yi blowing She Li and She Li moaned against his ear, his hips flexing, moving the bed a little. He opened his eyes and saw She Li’s hand in Jian Yi’s hair, pulling and pushing. And then his hand brushed one of those perfect shoulders. Red could feel She Li realizing how perfect that skin was—not like Red’s. Not a map of hard years. The knife twitched against his neck and he felt She Li’s thoughts. He knew he couldn’t leave it alone. Fuck. Jian Yi had known too, or he wouldn’t have bothered taking his shirt off. Red squeezed the hand Jian Yi pressed to his chest once and when She Li took the knife away from his neck, Red let go of Jian Yi’s hand. They both grabbed at She Li’s arm. Jian Yi grabbed blind, gripping his arm, while Red latched both hands around the wrist.

She Li didn’t have time to get words out. When Jian Yi bit down, he dropped the knife and howled.

Red got the knife from him and slid off the bed, unable to convince his legs to work.

* * *

Jian Yi detached from She Li’s sex and spit She Li’s blood on him before grabbing him by the ankle and dragging him right off the bed. He was still screaming and cupping his bleeding dick when Jian Yi pulled him through the tour bus, all the way to the front. She Li had started spitting words then, blind threats.

Jian Yi tried not to listen. Was just trying to convince himself not to kill him right here in their tour bus in the middle of the biggest concert of the year. If he could think of a way of getting away with it—he would. Instead, he opened the doors and shoved him down the steps. She Li rolled, landing hard in the grass and growling low to himself now, still curled up and shaking. All his fury wouldn’t undo that damage.

Jian Yi came down the steps, leaning out on the last one. He must have presented an image, shirtless, hair a mess and blood dripping down his chin. A lot of people stopped to look but the only face that mattered then was Brother Qiu—midway to the bus. Good thing Jian Yi had handled it before he arrived, or he really would have to figure out how to cover up an inconvenient murder.

Jian Yi pointed at She Li. “Take him to a hospital.” He had every intention of making sure She Li found himself in a grave sooner rather than later, but he wasn’t going to upset the fans or land any of them in jail over it.

The door whooshed shut again and Jian Yi hurried back to their room. He flicked on the lights and found Red sitting in the corner, knees to his chest and arms curled over his head, like he was trying to fold in on himself. Jian Yi’s knees hit the floor in front of him, hands sliding over his arms. One was slick with blood from She Li’s first cut, but right now he just wanted to get eyes on Red’s neck. “Look up,” he said. Red was panting like he’d run a mile, gulping down air and shaking his head. Jian Yi tried to shush him, grabbing his chin and tipping his head back. Tears made his face shine and Jian Yi’s heart break even more.

His throat was a collar of bruises and a long thin cut on one side. There was plenty of blood but he wasn’t gushing. “We should get you to the hospital too,” he decided, nodding to himself. Xi could do stitches. He’d had some paramedic training, but he wasn’t here and Jian Yi wasn’t sure how long they could wait.

Red shook his head, swallowing hard like he could just stuff that panic attack back into his chest. “It’s fine,” he exhaled tightly, but he still wouldn’t look directly at Jian Yi.

Jian Yi wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. This was not fine. He stroked Red’s short hair, dragging his fingers over the sides of his scalp the way he knew Red liked—solid pressure and slow. He leaned in close, until their foreheads almost touched. “You’re okay. We’re okay,” he said, quiet but clear. He repeated it again and Red dragged a deep breath and let it out slow, nodding once. “Did anything happen before I got here?” he asked as gently as he could.

Those red eyes opened, staring at him with nothing but confusion at first and then they looked down at Jian Yi’s mouth—at the blood on his lips—and Red cringed and twisted his head away. “Everything happened after,” he whispered.

Jian Yi shook his head slowly, still holding on to Red, suddenly afraid that if he let go, the other man would slip away somehow. “I know the cuts are bad, but we’ll get you to the hospital and—”

Red’s head jerked forward, glaring at him with so much pain that Jian Yi stopped mid-sentence. Red wasn’t upset about the cuts or the fight and he’d known that. He’d thought he could just move past it, like they could just forget it. Jian Yi stroked Red’s cheeks with his thumbs, needing the constant contact with him, afraid of losing him. “I’m sorry,” Jian Yi blurted out, tears in his eyes but then Red cringed and made that sound like he had earlier—the dying animal sound he’d made when She Li told Jian Yi to blow him. The blond shook his head, wishing he hadn’t apologized because he could imagine Red’s anguish—he could imagine how he’d feel if things had been reversed. He pressed his forehead to Red’s. “Forget it,” he said sternly. He would pull the memory from Red’s head if he had the power. He couldn’t let it eat away at him. “I would have done a thousand times worse for your safety, Red. I’m not going to lose a minute of sleep over what I did. I don’t regret it.”

Red shook against him. “If it wasn’t for me—”

Jian Yi ground his teeth and forced his friend to look at him, both of them teary-eyed and bloody. “There is no ‘without you’. I meant what I said—you are mine. You’re my friend and my bandmate and my boyfriend. You’re a part of me and I am never leaving you behind or letting someone like She Li hurt you without putting up a fight.” Jian Yi dragged a deep breath and sighed. “Would you have done any differently if we were switched?”

Red stared at him, heartbroken and tired. Eventually he managed to shake his head, eyes closing and head resting against the wall.

And then they heard the door of the bus slide open, both men jumping.

“Oh, hell no,” Jian Yi swore, picking up the blood sticky knife from the floor and stalking to the doorway of the bedroom.

He blinked at the two men in the tour bus, relief warring with momentary disbelief.

He Tian stared at him like he was a ghost, frozen there with his dark eyes studying Jian Yi. Jian Yi could practically hear his thoughts, screaming “what the fuck happened to you?” And then he saw Zhengxi behind him. “Oh, thank you!” Jian Yi exclaimed, waving Xi closer. “I think he needs stitches or something but you know how he is. He doesn’t want to go to the hospital.”

* * *

Zhengxi ducked around He Tian and hurried toward Jian Yi, reaching for his face and frowning at the blood on his mouth and chin. He was speaking clearly so he hadn’t bitten his tongue or busted his lip and his nose wasn’t broken. “What the fuck are you talking about? What happened—” he barely had the words out before he spotted Red sitting on the floor, back to the wall in the corner. His naked chest and forearm were smeared in bright red. “Grab the medical kit,” he exhaled to Jian Yi and took those steps to Red.

Jian Yi nodded, ducking out of the room.

Zhengxi approached Red slowly, crouching and reaching out, touching the knee Red had bent up toward his chest. “Are you with me?” he asked tentatively.

Red swallowed hard, still staring at the ceiling for another second before nodding once and turning those red eyes to Xi. Jian Yi had come back with the medical box, towels, and some bottles of clean water. He hovered for a second, He Tian looming over his shoulder to get a look at Red.

“What the fuck happened?” He Tian demanded.

Jian Yi dumped the supplies and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the bedroom and quietly sliding the door shut so that they could talk alone.

Zhengxi opened the medical box and laid it out beside them. “What’s the worst of it?”

Red stared at him for a long second and Zhengxi felt a cold wave of terror run through him. Red looked… haunted. And then he blinked and looked away, teary eyes fixing anywhere but on him directly. He dropped his head back against the wall and lifted one arm, fingers tapping at his collarbone under a cut on his neck. “This,” he said hoarsely and then lifted his other arm, flashing the source of a lot of that blood. “Or this.”

Zhengxi nodded, grabbing his arm to get a look at it. The cut was long but it wasn’t deep. He put a clean towel to it and then had Red hold it in place in his lap while Zhengxi cleaned his neck. He got a look at the cut, shallow along the side of his throat, under his jaw. He froze for a second. “Did someone have a knife to your neck?” Red’s pale skin was already splotchy and red when he wiped away the blood. Would the bruises on him be shaped like hands or knuckles?

Red closed his eyes.

Zhengxi exhaled slowly, steeled himself, and went back to patching him up. Red barely moved. He didn’t even cry out or swear when he put antiseptic on his wounds and stitched up the gash in his arm.

* * *

He Tian let Jian Yi lead him out of the room and into the main area of the tour bus. He swore again, getting another look at the blond in the light. He had blood all down the front of his chin. He Tian pulled him over to stand by the sink, grabbing a rag and getting it wet. “What happened? Are you hurt?” he asked, already grabbed at Jian Yi’s chin and using the cold rag to gently wipe the blood away, careful and searching for the source of the bleeding.

Jian Yi didn’t understand at first and then shook his head, trying and failing to get out of He Tian’s hold. “It’s not mine.”

He Tian continued to clean him, but wasn’t as gentle about it now. “Who’s is it?”

“She Li. He was here. He orchestrated everything so that he could corner Red when he thought none of us were around.” Jian Yi explained.

He Tian froze for a split second before clicking his teeth and finishing wiping his boyfriend’s face clean. “You bit him?”

A flicker of something passed over Jian Yi’s expression before he nodded. “Yeah.”

“What happened?” He Tian demanded again, tossing the stained rag into the sink. “Where’s Brother Qiu?”

Jian Yi took a deep breath and leaned against the counter. He looked tired for the first time since they walked in. “I told him to take She Li to the hospital.”

He Tian smirked, liking the idea of She Li being bad enough when he left their bus that he needed a hospital, not that he imagined it would keep him from coming back. “What did he do to Red?” he asked, voice carefully quiet.

Jian Yi deflated a little right in front of him, tears gathering in his eyes when he smiled miserably. “Honestly, I think I messed Red up more than She Li did this time.” He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning back against the counter and then lifting himself to sit on it. He Tian came close, standing between his thighs so Jian Yi only needed to whisper to be heard. “He was choked Red when I came in. We fought. I think I broke his nose but then he was on top of me.” He paused and his eyes went far away and his smile quirked. “I think that fucker was going to bite me… But Red got him around the neck and pulled him off. I underestimated She Li. I thought it would be a brawl. But he pulled out a knife and he had it to Red’s neck.”

He Tian fought the impulse to run back into that room and get another look at Red and his neck. He’d been covered in blood. But Jian Yi would have carried him out of here kicking and screaming to a hospital if he’d been hurt that badly. And even if he somehow missed it, Zhengxi wouldn’t have by now. He had to trust them. And he did. He touched Jian Yi’s hands, examining his red knuckles. Bones all still in their right places.

“She Li had a knife to his throat and he told me to blow him,” Jian Yi said.

He Tian’s thumb stopped stroking, his dark gaze losing focus on that slender hand. A thousand furious, violent thoughts streaked across his mind and then he grinned and looked up at Jian Yi—the beautiful blond man everyone underestimated. They’d been doing it since he was a kid—seeing him for the soft, loving thing that he was and not realizing just how far he’d go for those people he loved. His gaze flicked to Jian Yi’s lips, previously coated in blood. It had been dripping off his chin. “That stupid son of a bitch…”

Jian Yi laughed a little, tears still in his eyes. “Yeah. He screamed too.”

He Tian frowned, touching Jian Yi’s cheek. A lance of panic went through him. He had been sure Jian Yi wouldn’t be scarred by something like this. Why? Because it was a fight and Jian Yi had won? But why was he crying now?

Jian Yi dragged a deep breath and let it out. “Red thinks... The sound he made…” he choked it back and closed his eyes.

He Tian’s heart broke. He hugged Jian Yi, partly relieved that he’d been right in how he thought Ji would process everything that had happened, but forgetting the key ingredient—Red. He Tian tried to imagine being in that position, a knife to his throat and having to watch Jian Yi… He hugged him tighter. Fuck. Red could take all the pain in the world and shake it off, but this?

The bedroom door slid open and He Tian turned, using his body to block Jian Yi from sight. The last thing they needed now was Red seeing Jian Yi in tears and coming up with his own reasons why.

Zhengxi had Red by the elbow, steering him out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. “Clean up but if you feel light headed or something, tell me?”

Jian Yi’s hand pressed at He Tian’s back just as he was stepping forward, both having the same panicked thought at the sight of Red’s slumped shoulder and red puffy eyes. He Tian slid by Zhengxi, catching the bathroom door before Red could close and possibly lock it. “Well, hello horror show,” he purred.

Zhengxi raised an eyebrow and for a second He Tian wondered if he’d curl his mouth into a disapproving frown at He Tian’s light, flirty tone. Instead he just looked confused. He Tian touched his arm reassuringly. “Get Jian Yi to bed?”

Zhengxi nodded.

He Tian followed Red into the little bathroom, he was already stepping out of his jeans and into the shower, more than ready to rinse the blood from his body. He let the door slide shut behind him but didn’t lock it. The water came on, driving away any quiet. He Tian leaned against the sink, watching the redhead bath. It would usually be erotic but right now, he was just studying him. He went through the motions like it was automated, startling He Tian when he spoke. “He told you?”

He Tian shed his jacket when the steam built up. “Yeah. Red—”

“Everything?”

He Tian nodded. “Yeah,” he said again, without doubt. Jian Yi wouldn’t hide things from him. If tonight had been worse, if it had been the worst he could imagine, Jian Yi still would have told him. Maybe someday that would be true for Zhengxi and Red. Maybe someday they would all trust each other without hesitation—without imagining that bearing burdens alone would save any of them from pain.

The water turned off and Red turned, facing He Tian. His eyes were bloodshot and swollen from tears, his head tipped to the side, almost straining the bandages on his neck. He’d been careful about not getting them wet or the ones on his arm. He was practiced, like he had done this sort of bathing before. “If you want me to leave tonight, I’ll go quiet—”

“No.” He Tian wasn’t even surprised Red’s mind had gone there—expecting to be thrown out for being the source of trouble. He grabbed a towel and held it out to Red. “Never.”

Red toweled off and got out of the shower. He Tian had to open the door and step out ahead of him to give him the room to get back to the bedroom.

Jian Yi and Zhengxi had dragged all the bloody towels to the front of the trailer, as far from their room as possible. They were both getting dressed in softer clothes when Red walked into the room. He didn’t look at either of them, just going to one of his bags and pulling out sweatpants, a shirt, and one of his hoodies. No one knew what to say, watching him breathlessly.

Red pulled his hood up over his face and shuffled out of the bedroom, climbing into the bottom bunk.

Jian Yi closed his eyes in a soul-deep cringe. He scrubbed a hand over his face and sank onto the bed, curling up on one side.

He Tian and Zhengxi exchanged looks, a conversation in their eyes. This wasn’t going to be resolved tonight. Red and Jian Yi needed to sleep. But they couldn’t leave one of them alone. He Tian was relieved to not be torn between them, and Zhengxi nodded as though he felt that too. Xi climbed into bed with Jian Yi and He Tian turned out the lights, grabbing one of the blankets and leaving the bedroom. He left the door open, turned out the lights in the rest of the tour bus, and sat down in the little hallway, his back to the bunkbed. He stretched one arm onto the mattress, resting his cheek against his shoulder, and running his hand along Red’s back.


	14. Making Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I know I take a while between updates so I really appreciate you sticking with me! Hope you enjoy the feels and that you're all doing well!

Two days. It had been two days of quiet misery and it was driving Jian Yi crazy. Luckily, so far, it was a silent crazy. But that was the unnerving part, wasn’t it? He Tian couldn’t remember the last time Jian Yi had been this quiet. He was barely talking, staring at Red every chance he got, and sulking hard. He hadn’t taken a single picture or made a single media post—luckily, just about every hour of their lives had been booked at the festival so most of their fans just attributed it to that. Though there were plenty of theories running about the rumored fight with She Li. He had managed to disappear from the hospital the night he went in, but Brother Qiu had tracked him back to his family estate. Turns out She Li didn’t want anyone seeing him with his broken nose or knowing the details of his injury.

So, the drama was left to speculation. Both Jian Yi and Red were sporting bruises and a couple people had seen Jian Yi toss She Li out of the trailer that night. Jian Yi smiled whenever a reporter or a fan asked about it and gave a very genuine lecture about how violence is only the last resort but how it’s important to know how to defend oneself.

Red, on the other hand, hadn’t said a word since that night. He just nodded or shook his head and hid in the bunk between concerts and photo shoots. He hadn’t taken his hood down either. He was in full retreat. But at least he hadn’t run.

And somehow, when they were on stage, it all still sounded right. It was the only time He Tian saw both of them relax, as if for a little while they forgot their heartaches.

He Tian and Jian Yi had talked it through and agreed that Jian Yi would just give Red space until after the festival in another day. They could all sit down and talk it through when they were on the road again—when they were trapped in the tour bus together. But then he stepped onto the bus that night and Jian Yi was yelling.

“Stop punishing me!” the blond demanded, fists balled and glaring at the bottom bunk bed and Red sitting there, ignoring him.

Zhengxi sighed from the couch. “He’s not punishing you,” he muttered.

He Tian glared at Xi for even adding to this.

Jian Yi’s wheat eyes snapped to the other blond. “Oh? Have you two been talking about it?”

“No,” Xi said, not moving from his relaxed position on the couch. “But you know he isn’t trying to hurt you. He’s just…”

“Just what?” Jian Yi snapped.

Zhengxi shrugged. “Thinking.”

Jian Yi screwed up his face. “Fuck that.”

“Ji…” He Tian groaned, locking the door so no nosey journalist or sneaky fan could come bursting in on them.

“What did you want me to do?” Jian Yi continued, turning back to Red. “Let him slice your throat open?”

Xi and He Tian winced.

But Red looked up, for the first time in days. He looked straight at Jian Yi, eyes still red lined from distress but features finally easing out of tense misery. “Yes.”

He Tian swore under his breath and sat down across from Zhengxi.

Jian Yi grinned like a wolf, grabbing at the top bunk and leaning down to look closer at Red. “Never.” He shook his head. “What would you have done if we had been switched? What would you have done if I was the one with a knife to my neck and he—”

“That’s not the same,” Red snapped.

Xi sighed, quiet relief just at hearing him speak. He Tian understood fully, because he felt the same. The conversation was dangerously close to a fight that could do more damage than good, but at least they were talking.

“Fuck you,” Jian Yi bit back. “It’s not any different. You want me to feel sorry because I would do anything for you?”

Red cringed, recoiling back against the wall, arms curled tightly against his chest.

Jian Yi stilled, watching him, the fire going out of his chest. “Has anyone ever been willing to do anything for you before, Red?” he asked, honestly, voice quiet with new hurt. He nodded slowly, reading the answer in the way Red’s face crumpled and his eyes fixed on the bed. He squatted down, so Red might see him even if just in his periphery. “I would. I would have fucked him if that’s what it took.”

Everyone but Jian Yi cringed.

“I wouldn’t even lose sleep over it, Red. It cost me nothing to save you. I was proud to do it. So, why are you taking that from me?”

Red’s brow pinched and He Tian could see the confusion in his beautiful face. He hadn’t thought about it from Jian Yi’s perspective—only what he imagined.

Jian Yi dragged in a breath and let it out slowly. He was tired. Pain did that. “You think I should feel ashamed?” he whispered, not an accusation but an honest question.

He Tian’s heart clenched in his chest. With a single word, or lack of one, from Red, they could end up with two mute, traumatized men on their hands. He was going to call a therapist tomorrow morning and see if they could get one on the bus…

Red’s gaze darted from the wall inside the bunk to Jian Yi, maybe searching for whether or not he was serious. Jian Yi waited. Red shook his head once, hard. “No.” His voice was raw despite being near silent for two days. “I just… You’re…” Red struggled for words, legs curling up against his chest and head shaking tightly again. He dragged in a deep breath, solidifying himself again, his hands curling into fists inside his sleeves. He was digging his nails into his palms again. He Tian had seen the little open cuts yesterday. Red looked away from Jian Yi again and his voice was hard and distant when he said, “I’m the reason he was here. It’s too much.”

Jian Yi stood up, staring at the other man. “Talking about it is too much or _we’re_ too much?”

Red didn’t answer.

He Tian winced.

Jian Yi nodded like it was an answer and took a step back and then another before grabbing his jacket and heading down the length of the tour bus, past Zhengxi and He Tian.

“Where are you going?” Xi asked, somehow managing to sound casual.

“I’m going to the party tent to get fucked up,” Jian Yi said, heading down the steep stairs and out the door.

Zhengxi and He Tian exchanged glanced that contained a conversation.

‘Are you going or am I?’ He Tian wondered.

Xi wrinkled his nose like, ‘You like the crowd more…’

He Tian nodded and rolled to his feet, following Jian Yi out into the dark campgrounds with dozens of tour buses, toward the throb of sound and pulse of lights at one end. He caught up to him fast. The blond shooting him a withering glare. “Are you going to tell me to go back?”

“No. I’m going to wait until you’re tipsy and then take advantage of you. Maybe sex on the grass? Or blowjobs under a tree?”

Jian Yi tried not to smirk but he did let out a breath, shoulders easing. “He hates me now.”

“You’re being dramatic.”

“_I’m_ being dramatic? He won’t talk!”

He Tian sighed, falling into step beside his friend. “It’s going to be okay. Just wait. Give him time to figure himself out.”

Jian Yi groaned loudly. “I tried!”

“You gave it a couple days. You said you’d do anything for him right?”

Jian Yi stopped stomping and flailing. “Yeah.”

“So you can give him a few more days to sulk, right?”

“Yeah,” he sighed and then took a deep breath when they got close to the tents. “Don’t let me get too smashed, okay? I don’t want to make things worse by blowing a stranger or making an ass of myself on camera.”

He Tian smirked. “Or blowing a stranger on camera.”

“That only happened once and I wasn’t drunk,” Jian Yi defended with a wicked glint in his eye.

“You go ahead and get fucked up, I’ll carry you out if you go to far.”

Jian Yi stopped near the entrance, forcing He Tian to stop with him. For a long second the blond just stared up at him, the heartache receding for a moment. “I love you,” he said.

He Tian tried not to look surprised. He knew it—of course he did! But they didn’t usually say that unless they were drunk. He reached out and pushed some of Jian Yi’s hair behind his ear. “Everything really is going to be okay,” he promised.

“How do you know?”

He Tian shrugged. “Because I love you too.”

Jian Yi grinned, kissed him hard, and then dragged him into the party tent.

* * *

Zhengxi picked up the book he’d been reading, flipping it open to the page with the receipt stuck in the seam, and tried to read.

Red hadn’t moved, still sitting in his dark little corner of the bottom bunk.

After a few long minutes, Red dragged in a shaky breath and mumbled, “Xi?”

Zhengxi smiled softly to himself, because hearing him talk was nice. “Yeah?”

“Am I making things worse?”

Zhengxi closed his book and leaned forward to see Red, face still mostly hidden inside his hood.

“I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, I just…” his voice cracked. “I feel bad and I can’t… It was my fault and he’s not even mad at me. No one is mad at me.”

“You seem pretty mad at you,” Zhengxi pointed out. “Maybe that’s enough? She Li is a crazy fuck. What he does is no one’s fault but his own.”

Red sat so still, gaze fixed on nothing. “I know that,” he said quietly. “I do. But… I can’t seem to let it go.” He dragged in another breath and finally lifted his head enough to look back at Zhengxi, tears in his eyes. “He would have done anything for me,” he whispered, terrified.

Zhengxi rose from the couch and crossed the short space to sit on the narrow bed with him, just shy of having to duck under the bunk above. He reached out and thumbed away tears just as they were escaping Red’s eyes—as though stopping them from running down his cheeks would erase them from ever being. He had suspected this was what really freaked Red out—not exactly what had happened but what it meant. It was heart breaking. Red could take abuse, but he cracked under love.

“Do you want to break up?” Zhengxi asked bluntly and felt the other man jump a little in surprise, his hands still against the sides of his neck. “Do you want to change our relationships to something more… platonic? Do you think it’d really change how you felt about him or how he felt about you?”

Red groaned.

“It’s okay that he would do anything for you, because you would do anything for him,” Zhengxi explained simply. Really, he was pretty sure any of them would do anything for the others at this point. It wasn’t just Red and Jian Yi that had fallen head over heels for each other. But Red was the one struggling against it like a snare.

“He said he saved me and I’m punishing him for it…”

“I was here.”

Red smiled a little, despite himself and nodded. “I know.”

Zhengxi sighed, scooting closer until he had Red sitting between his legs, still facing him. He pushed his hood back, running his fingers through the other man’s short hair. It felt like it had been weeks since he last touched him, but it had only been a couple days. They were all hooked on each other in a desperate, dangerous, beautiful way. Red sighed, eyes closing and body relaxing like he’d been tensed for a fight all that time.

“I don’t want to change our relationships,” he muttered low, leaning into Zhengxi’s touch. “And I don’t want him to feel bad. I just don’t know how to be okay.”

Zhengxi nodded slowly and pulled him forward until he was leaned to his chest, his arms around Red’s back. “Maybe it’s enough if you’re just with him even though you’re not okay?” he asked, wondering when he became anyone’s sounding board for relationships. He wasn’t exactly overly experienced himself, but he was more invested in their happiness than just about anyone else.

Red sighed against his chest, nodding. “Can I be a mess for the rest of tonight and then try to be a person tomorrow?” he asked, voice small and tired.

Zhengxi smiled against his hair. “Yeah. Can I sleep in your bunk?”

“It’s not mine…” Red grumbled, but shifted and squirmed until they were laying down, Zhengxi still hugging him.

* * *

Jian Yi and He Tian didn’t come back to the tour bus that night, partying well into the morning and, at one point, fucking under a tree in the dark because He Tian had planted the idea in Jian Yi’s head and drunk Jian Yi had remembered it.

They only came back an hour before their last show at the concert to get changed, missing Zhengxi and Red by minutes and only meeting up all four of them again when they got to the stage. Red was in another hoodie, his face in shadows inside and sleeves only pushed up his arms when he was getting ready to play. But He Tian noticed it was Jian Yi’s hoodie. He knew his blond noticed too, because he stared extra long at Red’s back when he was setting up his base on the stage.

Jian Yi walked around him, not brushing against him like he might have done a few days ago on the stage. He found his smile for the fans when he got to the front, calling out to them and getting them to mimic him, riling them up while they were still getting ready and taking a group selfie with them.

He Tian came up behind Zhengxi where he sat at the drums, so close that his hips touched the other man’s shoulders, his hand coming up to grab his forehead and pull his head back against his stomach. A little rush of screams came up from their crowd. He leaned over Xi to meet those dark blue eyes. “How was he last night?” he asked softly.

Zhengxi twirled a drumstick casually, his hair a perfect mess and he’d gone shirtless—maybe to make up for Red’s extra layers in this summer heat. “Better, I think.” He looked like he was going to add something, or ask something, but the crowd groaned impatiently and he smirked, looking away and at them. The stage was something electric to all of them. It was calming and thrilling and everything that set them at perfect ease. He Tian roughed up that already messy hair and then kissed his head, eliciting another string of screams.

When they played, it was perfect. It started raining half way through and He Tian loved it, his hair soaking wet while he sang. Somehow, when they performed, time stopped and yet rushed by all at once. And when it was done, he felt this wave of euphoria.

It wasn’t until hours later, when they had helped pack up their stuff and spent time with the fans, and done final interviews, that He Tian found his way back to Zhengxi and that thoughtful look in his eyes. He was still shirtless, mostly dry since the summer rain stopped an hour ago. He packed the last speaker into the compartment under the bus just as He Tian reached him. Zhengxi straightened, looking at him and smiling in that curious way only he ever did. Like he was thinking something and no matter how He Tian tried, he’d never guess it on his own. So, he waited.

“We have a break in concerts,” Zhengxi finally said.

He Tian thought about that for a second and then nodded. “Yeah, I guess. About three months.”

Xi hesitated, leaning back against the side of the tour bus. “Where and when are we meeting up before that?”

For a second He Tian didn’t understand, and then he did and that curious look made sense. Uncertainty had no place on Xi’s face, that was why it looked so odd there. He put his palm against the bus to the right of Zhengxi’s head, leaning in and over him. “Why? Are you going somewhere?”

Zhengxi stared back at him, stone-faced. He wouldn’t assume he was invited to follow Jian Yi and He Tian just anywhere they went. Not yet. But someday he would. Someday he’d know that anywhere they went was his too.

“We have a house we crash at between. It has a pool,” He Tian added, to sweeten the deal. “And beds that aren’t on buses or in hotels.”

Zhengxi bit the inside of his bottom lip. He thought He Tian didn’t see it. That was why he only bit at the inside, like no one would notice the little tell. But He Tian had made a study of Zhengxi. “Sounds nice,” he said, sounding anything but impressed.

He Tian leaned in closer, his face so close to Xi’s but not quite touching, just like the rest of his body. “Come home with us?” he asked, because Zhengxi needed to be asked and He Tian was not in the habit of denying him anything he needed or even wanted.

Zhengxi’s gaze flickered down to He Tian’s mouth once, out of his control, before he forced his gaze back up to his eyes. He Tian grinned, because he saw. “Wanna go inside?” Xi suggested, hips bumping into his suggestively, but only once.

He Tian slid his free hand over Zhengxi’s waist, stroking naked skin. “Why? You afraid someone will see us?” he whispered.

Xi’s eyes widened a fraction. They hadn’t exactly been covert with their affections in public but it hadn’t been outright either. “Aren’t you?”

He Tian grinned like he’d been waiting all day to be asked. He leaned in and kissed him, devouring his mouth until Zhengxi threw an arm around the back of his shoulders. If no one got a picture of this, it would be a miracle and a shame.

* * *

Jian Yi lay on the grassy hillside, under more summer rainclouds that had yet to burst. His arms were crossed behind his head and his eyes closed, listening to the competing sounds of two bands playing on separate stages, almost equal distances from this spot. He didn’t notice anyone approaching until a shadow fell over his face.

Red walked over and stopped, one sneaker on either side of Jian Yi’s hips, and before he could say anything or sit up, he sat down on top of him. He bent forward and dropped his face against Jian Yi’s neck, their chests pressed together.

Jian Yi sighed heavily, arms curling around the other man’s back.

“Thank you,” Red mumbled against Jian Yi’s neck.

Jian Yi smiled, tears in his eyes but hugging him tight so he wouldn’t possibly sit up and see.

“I wouldn’t have loved you less if you’d just left,” he continued and if he wasn’t so close to Jian Yi—wasn’t speaking directly into his skin—he might not have heard him. “but thank you for saving me.”

Jian Yi held on to him and would have been content to stay like that forever.


	15. Pool Blue

Red woke with a start that didn’t fade when he realized he wasn’t in a bed or a bunk or stretched out on a couch. He wasn’t on the bus at all. He was being carried. He spasmed, grabbing at the shoulder of his abductor, heart slamming in his chest.

The arms bounced him once, lightly, before squeezing gently. “Shh. It’s late,” He Tian whispered.

Red relaxed automatically, sleep reaching for him again even before his mind could catch up. He didn’t know where he was but he knew he was with He Tian and that was enough. “Where?” he got out, so impossibly tired. They’d been traveling all day and now that the week long concerts were over, exhaustion had hit him like a sledgehammer.

They were outside, he was sure of that, but it was quiet. Not a city then. Other voices mumbled nearby. “Home. Go back to sleep,” He Tian said, carrying him inside.

Red had questions but couldn’t quite formulate any of them, his face pushing into He Tian’s neck and inhaling instead. Sleep pulled at him and he didn’t fight because he knew he was fine, even if he didn’t exactly know where he was. He Tian said it was okay to sleep and that was enough assurance.

* * *

He Tian carried Red from the tour bus up the sidewalk to the house. Jian Yi had led the way, punching a code into the door to unlock it and holding it for Zhengxi and some of their bags and then for He Tian and Red. They had collectively agreed not to wake the bassist.

He stepped out of his shoes in the front room and then padded his way through the dark house. He knew it from memory, leaving the big living room with the vaulted ceiling and glass wall looking out onto the pool and the view of the city down the hillside. He walked the long hallway, past guest rooms and storage rooms to the master bedroom.

Jian Yi hurried to catch up to him, stripping off his shirt and rounding the bed ahead of him to pull the covers back. Moonlight colored the room in blue shadows, pouring in from the slider door and big windows facing the backyard. He laid Red down and Jian Yi slid into bed beside him, working on removing Red’s sneakers while He Tian left the bed to cross the room, closing the black out curtains and turning the blue hues of the room into deep shadows. He smiled when he heard Jian Yi yawn.

“Go to sleep,” He Tian said. “I’ll make sure everything comes in from the bus before it leaves and lock up.”

Jian Yi hummed something like a ‘yes’ before throwing sneakers across the room, toward the door.

He Tian smiled and kicked the shoes to the side before leaving the room, closing the door quietly.

He found Zhengxi bringing in another armload of bags, dumping them in a pile near the front door before heading back out. He joined him and they quietly did a few rounds, emptying out their clothing and equipment from the tour bus before thanking the driver again for all his work and saying goodbye.

When they came in with the last few things, Zhengxi put them down and then stretched, looking around the still dark house.

“Lights are over there,” He Tian said, locking the front door.

Zhengxi found the panel and started testing the buttons, turning on lights down the open hallways leading to the kitchen, the counters along one side with bench seats, all facing the large living room space with a wall of windows looking out onto the backyard, now in shadows. “Shit,” Xi muttered.

He Tian smirked to himself, stepping out of his shoes and walking toward the blond.

“This is yours?” Zhengxi asked, still standing near the light panel, like he wasn’t really sure where to go from there.

He Tian shrugged. “Jian Yi and I bought it a few years ago. Want the tour?”

Xi nodded and followed He Tian into the living room. He Tian pointe down one long hallway, still dark. “Bedroom is back that way at the very end. There’s a couple of guest rooms along the way and a room we turned into a closet.” He caught Zhengxi’s hand and tugged him in the opposite direction, down another hallway. He flicked on lights and then opened a door at the end. The lights inside came on automatically and Zhengxi whistled and leaned in. They had turned two rooms into a recording studio on this side of the house, sound proofed the walls and everything.

He showed him the garage next, pointing out the keys to the cars and bikes and telling him he could use whatever he wanted, but He Tian doubted Zhengxi would. Not yet anyway. Nothing about Zhengxi suggested he’d ever take more than he thought he ought to. He was cautious like that. Not as much so as Red, who had taken weeks just to feel entitled to food in the fridge on the bus that he hadn’t personally bought. Zhengxi understood communal snacks just fine, probably because if anyone ever called him out on eating something that wasn’t his, he’d either apologize or just buy another one and then never do it again. Xi knew how to navigate around people just fine, but He Tian would be surprised if Zhengxi used any of the vehicles without asking someone anytime soon.

It was a reminder that this was all still new. They had been in a bubble on tour, making out at every opportunity, and diving deep into a relationship that was still only in its beginning. It was exciting, but He Tian looked forward to a future when Zhengxi just took what he wanted from him, when he would treat everything that was theirs like it was his.

From the garage, he led him out to the backyard, flicking on the lights that chased away the thick dark of night, spreading halos along the edge of the trim grass yard and around the path toward the blue glow of the pool.

He Tian stopped beside the pool, watching Zhengxi walk around it, studying the yard and the water and then toward the fence and the glow of city lights far beyond it. Zhengxi stopped beside the pool and then turned to look back at He Tian, one eyebrow raised as though he’d already sensed He Tian watching him. “What?”

He Tian smiled. He could lie. Say something nice or dull or nothing at all. “I was just thinking that we should fuck out here someday.” He watched Zhengxi, looking for a reaction. Jian Yi would have jumped him if he said something like that to him, and Red would have probably blushed and left.

Zhengxi stared back at him and then looked down at the stone ground around the pool and then over at the lawn chairs. “Not the best surfaces for fucking…” he noted.

He Tian came closer, he threw an arm over Zhengxi’s shoulder, draping himself against his back and resting his chin on his other shoulder, as though together they were scouting out their options. “On the grass?”

Zhengxi snorted. “Is that a hot tub?” he asked, pointing out a shadow with his left hand, as though it would distract He Tian from how his right tangled fingers with one of He Tian’s.

He Tian kissed Zhengxi’s neck and nodded, nudging him toward it with a bump of his hips.

They walked around the far side of the pool so he could get a look at the hot tub, the cover still on. “Are you thinking on the cover or in the tub?” He Tian asked curiously.

Zhengxi shrugged under his arm. “Depending on how long we’re staying here, I guess we could try both.”

He Tian hummed. To anyone that didn’t know Xi, they might hear complete disinterest, or a callous sort of carelessness toward the topic, but he heard that little smirk in the other man’s words. It was a little bit mischievous. He steered Zhengxi toward the sliding glass doors that would lead back into the living room. “Are you tired?”

“No. Sun’s almost up,” Xi said. They detangled when they went back inside.

He Tian closed the door and locked it out of habit.

Zhengxi sat on the couch in the glow of the backyard, pool blue, through the windows, picking up the tv remote. “You can go to bed, I promise not to steal anything or get crumbs on the couch.”

He Tian stared at him until he noticed and looked up at him. “You can take everything I have and it wouldn’t be stealing.”

Zhengxi’s expression fell into that unreadable, perfect mask. Those dark blue eyes stared back at him, trying to read the truth of his words or the meaning of them without asking. And He Tian waited while he did.

“I don’t need anything from you,” Zhengxi said.

He Tian took a step back, surprised. “That’s not what I meant—” he started.

Zhengxi stood up and He Tian cringed, afraid he’d put a rift between them. That Xi was going to storm off or, worse, just quietly go to one of the guest rooms.

“I know it’s not what you meant,” Zhengxi said, walking toward him rather than away from him. “I appreciate what you meant. But I think it’s important we both know each other. You couldn’t buy me even if you tried, He Tian. I’m too proud and no where near poor enough.” He smirked and continued before He Tian could take offense. “I think you need to know that I don’t feel like I have to pay you back for anything, in _any_ way, just like I needed to know that it’s okay to take up space in your space.”

He Tian exhaled, stunned. He hadn’t realized that he was worried about that until Zhengxi said it and he felt the relief. Yes, He Tian had things. He had always had things. He came from money and power and everyone knew it. Plenty of people bent to his whims because they were afraid of what could happen if they didn’t or because they wanted something in return.

Zhengxi took another step toward him, reaching out and sliding his hand along He Tian’s side, fingers slipping under the hem of his shirt to brush the skin along the waist of his jeans. “So, whatever we do,” Xi whispered. “It’s only ever because it’s what we want to do, right?”

He Tian loved the feel of those fingers on his skin and the way that gaze bore into him, unrelenting and soul searing. Zhengxi was so easy to lose in the group of them, the least demanding, the quietest. He was the dark sky making their stars shine bright, but, knowing him little by little every day, He Tian was certain nothing would have worked without him. He Tian touched fingertips to Xi’s jaw, running them down the side of his neck and nodding. “You’ll always tell me the truth?” He Tian whispered. “Just like that?”

Zhengxi grinned. “Even when you hate it.”

They kissed and He Tian wasn’t sure who had kissed who. It was just them. Exploring hands and mouths. They shed clothing and ended up on the carpet, by the sliding doors, in the glow of the pool and under the flicker of stars. For a while Zhengxi was on top, their hips rocking together, rubbing against one another.

He Tian moaned, arching on the floor under him. He rolled them, getting Zhengxi under him. He didn’t miss the flicker of panic in the other man’s eyes, the split-second of gut reaction and uncertainty, but he understood it enough to let it pass. He wasn’t going to do anything Xi didn’t want and Xi knew it too.

Zhengxi reached up, fingers tangling in the back of He Tian’s hair and dragging his mouth down to his again, hips rocking up to rub their erections together. He Tian moaned into that kiss and snaked an arm between them, wrapping his fingers around their cocks, stroking them both together until Zhengxi had to break the kiss to groan and arch, losing himself just before He Tian followed, making a mess of them.

They stayed like that for a while, stuck together in the dark on the floor under those big windows, the stars disappearing as the sky lightened little by little.

Eventually, He Tian got up and pulled Xi to his feet, leading him to the nearest bathroom and its walk in shower. When Zhengxi was under the spray, He Tian leaned against tiles and watched him clean off. “Next time, if you want to fuck me, you can just go for it,” He Tian said.

Zhengxi looked back at him, pushing water off his face.

“You think if you take me, I’ll expect to take you?”

Zhengxi frowned and went back to washing up. “No,” he said, because he knew that wasn’t how things worked, not really, but then he sighed and shrugged. “Maybe.”

He Tian understood. He’d already figured. “Well, I’m telling you it’s not how it works.”

Zhengxi rinsed off again and then traded spots with him, smirking like he couldn’t quite bite it back. “Fine. Next time I’ll just bend you over that hot tub.”

He Tian laughed. “I knew you liked the hot tub.”


	16. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sexy chapter. Like, it's 75% sexy and 25% gratuitous feelsies. I don't THINK that needs a warning at this point, but just in case you were expecting plot.
> 
> Oh yeah! And I have a [tumblr](https://dominimoonbeam.tumblr.com/search/domini%20boombeam) now! Feel free to toss me your fic requests and maybe it'll happen!

Red woke, sort of. He stretched, realizing there was seemingly no end to the bed he was on, no edges, just soft endless sheets and the body pressed against his side. He knew it was Jian Yi even without opening his eyes. He knew it because of the way he had his arm and leg flung over Red’s back and thighs, by the sound of his breathing, the smell of his hair, and the particular way his skin made Red’s feel. In his more romantic, abstract, morning thoughts—he was certain he could tell each of them apart just by how they made his skin and muscles feel. Not that he would _ever_ admit that.

Jian Yi’s breathing changed when he began to wake up too, like he could tell Red was waking. His leg hooked around the back of Red’s thighs, squeezing before he slid onto his back.

Red smiled against the pillow.

Jian Yi stroked the back of Red’s head, kissing his naked shoulder and rolling his hips to rub his erection against Red’s ass.

Red bit his lip to keep from moaning and tried to stay perfectly still.

Jian Yi smiled against his shoulder. “I know you’re awake…” His hands wandered down Red’s sides, squeezing and pressing fingers against ribs until Red squirmed under him.

“Where are we?” Red mumbled, pushing his ass up against Jian Yi, rubbing back against that hard on.

“Home.”

“I don’t have a home,” Red said casually.

“You do now.” Jian Yi’s mouth brushed his throat.

Red shivered, heart pounding and eyes opening.

Jian Yi’s hands slid down his sides until his fingers were playing with the waistband of Red’s briefs. He bit softly at Red’s neck, making him gasp and buck under him. “Fuck,” he ground out, arms sliding up the bed, fingers fisting in the sheet under the pillow.

Jian Yi moaned with his teeth in Red’s neck, the sound vibrating through him until he wasn’t sure whose it was. When he released the bite, he licked and kissed the skin gently. He nuzzled the side of Red’s face, hips still rocking back and forth, his erection pressed against his ass like he was content with just that. “I really, really, wanna fuck you,” Jian Yi confessed in his ear, some of his blond hair sliding into Red’s face. He inhaled deep, greedy for the scent of him to stain his lungs.

He felt Jian Yi grinning, waiting, still rocking against him gently.

Red growled, ass pushing up against him. “What the hell are you waiting for? An invitation?”

Jian Yi paused in his hip rolls and tipped his head, leaning over so that they were looking at one another. “Yes.”

Red shuddered. Fuck. Why was that hot? “Yeah. Do it,” he ground out.

Jian Yi flashed him a grin and leaned off to the side, almost to far to stretch to reach the bedside table.

Red squinted and then bucked his hips against to nudge him. “Ji,” he said, more breathy than he’d like to admit. “Forget the lube. Make it rough.”

Jian Yi was still stretched, looking back at him, considering that for a second before finally shrugging and coming back to him, already sliding two long fingers into his own mouth, tonguing between them for Red to watch and he did—unable to look away even when he reached down and lifted his own hips to shimmy his briefs down his thighs, kicking them off before Jian Yi was behind him again.

He bit his lip to keep from moaning when Jian Yi nudged his thighs apart, one hand spreading his ass and those saliva slick fingers circling only once before pushing both in, all the way to the knuckle.

He groaned and arched, tasting blood and swallowing his sounds.

Jian Yi kissed his spine, shaking his head. “I told you, Red, we’re home,” he thrust his fingers a few times and then added a third, quick. He was stretching him but still being rough enough to make it everything Red wanted. “You don’t have to be quiet here.”

“I-I told you… I don’t…” he swallowed hard, almost coughing when Jian Yi pumped those fingers hard, making his whole body lurch up the bed a little. His hands were under the pillow again, where he could fist the sheets without being noticed.

Jian Yi sat up behind him and almost as soon as those fingers slid out of his body, his cock pressed in.

Red lifted onto his forearms, mouth dropping open, and he was glad no one could see his face.

Jian Yi sank all the way in, ruthless, hands on his hips for the first few thrusts before he pressed their bodies together, flattening Red to the bed. His hips continued to thrust, but there was no escape, his own erection pressed into the bed under both their weight.

Jian Yi’s hands slid up his arms until they disappeared under the pillow, his fingers around Red’s wrist. He pushed his arm forward, until his fingers brushed the bars of the headboard. “Hold on to that,” he whispered in Red’s ear, voice husky.

Red groaned but did.

Jian Yi cradled the back of his skull, watching his face when he thrust harder, faster.

Red tried to hold back his responses, tried to choke down his sounds. It wasn’t even dark in the room and Jian Yi was staring at him, drinking up every reaction. “Fuckin scream, if you wanna scream,” Jian Yi whispered, breath hitching with his own thrusts, one hand roaming Red’s arm and shoulder, stroking so gently even when his hips were ruthless. “You're home. The only ones that will know are us. And I’d die before I let anyone else know how you sound in bed.”

Red groaned, shaking with that effort to hold back.

Jian Yi pressed harder, pinning him to the bed and fucking him in solid, hard thrusts that seemed endless. They might be endless, he realized, terrified and thrilled. Jian Yi was waiting.

A moan escaped him before he realized it was even his own, his eyes opening to stare back at Jian Yi, shocking even himself when he found them bleary with tears. “Fuck,” he ground out, gasping, panting. “Fuck!”

Jian Yi grinned and bit his shoulder. “Can you come like this?” he asked, the question inside his question was if they should adjust their position.

Red gasped and nodded. “Don’t stop,” he begged. He felt so grounded, pressed under him, smothered—not just by anyone—but by someone that loved him.

Jian Yi didn’t stop. He held him down and fucked him until Red came with a screamed curse and a sob, following him a few thrusts later and slowly easing up the pressure of his hold on him, kissing down his spine until he slid out of him. He sat up on his knees, crawling off the bed. “Come on. Come shower with me and then I’ll show you around.”

Red laid there for another minute, until he remembered that he was still gripping the bars of the headboard and finally unclamped his fingers, rolling onto his back. He looked down his body at the mess he’d made on the sheets and rolled his eyes. Now he’d have to do laundry. Though, considering Jian Yi and morning sex—there was probably a whole closet full of clean sheets. He Tian would have planned ahead for that by now, especially if this was their house.

He paused between the bed and the open doorway Jian Yi had gone through. The shower started in there. Jian Yi hadn’t called it a house. He had called it a home. Their home. His home. He scrubbed the tears from his eyes, more than willing to pretend they had come from incredible sex and nothing else.

“Red!” Jian Yi shouted over the shower spray, impatient as always. Well, not always.


End file.
